Geo Daddy Simp Squad™

"Have you ever been to Inazuma?" You asked me once. With voice so smooth and sweet I could listen to you talk for the rest of my life and never grow tired of it. It was amusing how you kept saying you loved my voice but I was certain it was nothing compared to yours. But I could never win with you so I smiled and thanked you for the compliment every time.

"Once. Quite a long time ago, yes." I answered the question. I haven't even noticed at the time but somehow it's seared into my memory now. How my hand was playing with your hair. Twirling the blue strands between my fingers as I was answering every question you thought of. Why is it that I can remember me sitting on our bed with your back against my chest, our hand intertwined but with every day it's harder to remember your smell?

"Mh. I'm a little jealous." You chuckled lightly and I know my heart skipped a bit. I'm sure of it because it happened without fail whenever I heard your laughter. Truly a music to my ears. And I never wanted to be selfish but it felt even more meaningful when you laughed with me or even at me, I did not mind at all. I would forgive you instantly just because of that smile. "I always wanted to go. But there was never enough time or someone to go with." You continued. There still was a smile on your beautiful face but I never could admire this one. It was not how you truly smiled. This one was trained, fabricated... created by years of hiding your true self, of fearing the reaction of those around you. "Why don't we go together sometime, huh?"

"I would be happy to." I knew you asked in a joking manner. You never liked making long term plans. But there was no hesitation. Not in my mind nor in my voice when I answered. I'm not sure you knew that, maybe I've never actually told you but if you asked me I would give you the whole world or I would die trying. This I'm certain you had no idea about because I didn't want to say out loud, fearing you'd think it's too much but I've always put you before everyone else, even myself. You were my priority. It was that simple.

"Wait, really?" I would've taken you there in that very moment with the way your eyes shined when you turned around to face me. I loved feeling your body against me but looking you directly in your eyes, being able to hold your face in my hands? I don't think there's anything in this world that could come close.

"Of course, my love." I smiled at you, as my thumbs caressed your skin. I still cherish the way you always leaned in into my touch. The smile on your face would widen and you'd kiss the inside of my palm. "I love you." I have no idea why but I remember how hard it was for me to not shed a tear in that moment. The realization how much I love you crushed into me like a wave. It was unexpected. It was sudden. It was so unbelievably scary. Because in that very moment I realized I didn't know if I was able to live a life where there is no you.

"I love you, too. I always will."

Oh how cruel life truly is. But maybe it was a punishment, losing you. For all the atrocious deeds I committed in the past. Maybe I'm to never know true peace and happiness. Maybe I do not deserve the kind of love you were giving me. Maybe.

Even so, I can never forgive the Celestia for taking you away. And I can never forgive myself for being the reason you're gone. I know you'd say I'm stupid and it's not my fault. But you're not here. You're somewhere far away from me. Somewhere I can't see you, can't touch you, can't love you.

"Do you know what a cryo vision symbolizes?" You asked me once, when we were having breakfast together. Of course I've heard what people said. But a vision can mean different things to different people so instead of answering your question I asked you back, what does the cryo vision mean. "Pain and suffering." Was what you said to me and I was taken aback. Although I knew the circumstances in which you obtained yours I wouldn't have guessed that was what you associated it with. I just assumed it would be more of a blessing instead of a curse. I wanted to ask more but no matter how intrigued I was you swiftly changed the topic of our conversation and I knew that was you saying you did not wish to talk about it any further. So I let it go.

And now I know. As I fall to my knees on this beautiful field in Inazuma, full of flowers I'm sure you'd love. With your lifeless cryo vision which you once wore every day, clutched in my hand. As the rain falls down on me as if to say 'This is not how it's supposed to be.' I know.

I know but I wish I was still blissfully unaware of the answers. I wish I was back in our bed with your face in my hands, with you smiling at me, looking at me with so much love it sometime took my breath away.

I wish I never had to come to Inazuma because this was the last thing you asked me to do when life was slipping out of you while you were bleeding out in my arms because I failed to shield you in time.

I whished you never asked me what a cryo vision means. Because I know you were right. Pain and suffering was the right answer. But it's no longer your pain and suffering to bear. Now I will suffer the pain of letting you down, the pain of failing the only person I never wanted to fail. The pain of never seeing you again.

CHAT:  ⮡  members: diluc / zhongli

diluc: i'm sorry

diluc: again

zhongli: diluc, i told you it's okay

diluc: but I feel bad

diluc: I'd much rather stay with you

zhongli: haha, i know, love

zhongli: I admit, the bed does seem rather empty without you

diluc: not helping

zhongli: but

zhongli: an emergency is an emergency

zhongli: it cannot be helped

diluc: sigh

diluc: I'll be back as soon as possible

zhongli: i don't doubt that

zhongli: but please make sure everything is taken care of

zhongli: I'll still be here when you're back

diluc: i know

diluc: but sometimes i have a hard time actually believing it

zhongli: what do you mean?

diluc: it's silly

zhongli: i bet it's not

diluc: i just

diluc: i spent so long being in love with you it almost feels wired being in an actual relationship with you

diluc: it's... all I ever wanted

diluc: so it's kinda surreal waking up with you and hearing you say you love me

zhongli: oh, it's certainly not silly, diluc

zhongli: and i feel the same way, you know?

diluc: you do?

zhongli: is it that hard to believe?

diluc: to be completely honest? a little, yeah

zhongli: haha, well you're not the only one who was keeping those feelings a secret

diluc: how long?

zhongli: is it really important?

diluc: absolutely not

diluc: but i need to know

zhongli: hm... since i helped you and lumine with a commission in liyue that one time

diluc: zhongli that was almost a year ago

zhongli: yeah :)

diluc: I'm coming back

zhongli: diluc you already promised you'd go

zhongli: besides, you already promised ME the rest of your life so we have all the time in the world

diluc: that's not fair

diluc: you can't just say that out of the blue

diluc: people are staring at me now

zhongli: i love you

diluc: zhongli!

diluc: fuckk

zhongli: :)

diluc: i love you, too

zhongli: I'll visit you in a few hours if you're not back by that time

diluc: I definitely won't be able to focus on work then

zhongli: i'm strangely delighted to hear that

diluc: hahaha yeah, somehow it doesn't surprise me

zhongli: am i that predictable already, love?

diluc: I'd like to think of it as me knowing you that well

zhongli: yes, that does sound nice

zhongli: almost as nice as seeing you more relaxed now feels

diluc: yeah, now that i don't have to worry about kaeya anymore i feel better

diluc: having you by my side was a huge help though

zhongli: I'm glad to hear that :)

zhongli: do you think we should tell the rest we're together? now that the problem is solved?

diluc: i think so?

zhongli: you don't sound convinced, love

diluc: i just like how things are now

zhongli: would you prefer to just let them figure it out on their own?

diluc: i don't think it's gonna take long but yeah? if you're okay with that?

zhongli: if it makes you happy, I'm more than okay

diluc: what about you? I want you to be happy too, zhongli

zhongli: you're making me happy every time we're together

zhongli: and you've made me the happiest I've been in a long time, yesterday

diluc: zhongli...

zhongli: i'm only speaking the truth, love

diluc: i can never win with you

zhongli: is that a bad thing?

diluc: now that I have you for myself? i honestly couldn't care less

zhongli: haha, I didn't know you were so romantic

zhongli: you remind me of xiao a little

diluc: well... out of all of them, I like xiao the most

diluc: so thank you, for the compliment

zhongli: you may fool them but i know you care about all of us

diluc: maybe

diluc: but no one could ever come even close to you

zhongli: and if I'm being honest and a little selfish, I hope it stays that way

zhongli: I've said it already but I do prefer your undivided attention :)

diluc: it's all yours

diluc: for as long as you want it

zhongli: that honesty and directness are some of the things I love the most about you

diluc: zhongli I'm begging you, please stop saying stuff like that or else I'll be here for the rest of the week

zhongli: oh, we absolutely cannot have that

zhongli: definitely not when I have to go back to liyue in a few days

diluc: why do I miss you already?

diluc: look what you've done with me!

zhongli: you're positively precious, diluc

zhongli: and I'm sad to go, too

zhongli: but

diluc: just move in with me, zhongli

zhongli: diluc?

diluc: i mean it

diluc: i don't need years to know or to make sure or whatever

diluc: i already know i want you, that i want to spend my life with you

zhongli: oh, diluc

diluc: at least promise me to think about it?

diluc: i know I'm asking a lot

diluc: but i love you

diluc: and I just want you by my side

zhongli: okay then, i will definitely think about it

zhongli: now hurry back to me

diluc: :)

CHAT: 🤡 clown town 🤡 ⮡  members: lumine / diluc / xiao / venti / childe / kaeya / zhongli / thoma

kaeya: @lumine truth or dare

lumine: wait we've been here before

lumine: I SLEPT WHOLE EIGHT HOURS TODAY

kaeya: good to know

kaeya: so... truth or dare?

lumine: or

kaeya: 🙄

kaeya: just pick oneeee

lumine: sure

lumine: dare

kaeya: say something mean about venti in front of xiao

lumine: yeah, that's gonna be a no

lumine: i don't have a death wish

lumine: thank you very much

venti: pussy

lumine: asdfghjkl

lumine: not my fault ur boyfriend is obsessed with you

venti: well at least I have a boyfriend

venti: not like you can relate

kaeya: i love waking up and choosing chaos

lumine: go drown or sth

thoma: damn, y'all are truly entertaining

kaeya: thank you

kaeya: i need a hair flip emoji asap T^T

diluc: 💁🏼‍♀️

diluc: there

kaeya: this is NOT a hair flip emoji

kaeya: so sorry you're wrong

lumine: can we come back to my beef with @venti??? bc I'm ready to throw hands

venti: try me

kaeya: NO!

kaeya: we should go back to truth or dare!

childe: agreed!

lumine: where did YOU come from suddenly

venti: wait wait wait

venti: lumine pls shut up

lumine: you're truly testing me today

venti: @childe truth or dare

lumine: 👀

childe: i feel uncomfortable all of a sudden

childe: dare?

kaeya: come and give me a kiss 😘

venti: IT'S MY TURN YOU CAN'T DARE HIM

childe: i like that dare

kaeya: i bet you do

lumine: ...

venti: ...

kaeya: @venti @lumine THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY????

kaeya: we're clearly talking again???

venti: I saw you at the lake yesterday

venti: we already figured out you're together

childe: i feel robbed

kaeya: me too babe, me too

kaeya: @venti truth or dare?

venti: dare

kaeya: die

lumine: asdfghjkl

venti: askdjudbdxj

zhongli: @diluc breakfast's ready :)

diluc: :)

lumine: that was fucking random???

lumine: couples are so exhausting

thoma: i know, right?

lumine: shut up you're like at the top of the list

thoma: so rude T^T

kaeya: damn, lumine's feisty today

childe: soo can we play the game now?

lumine: @venti truth or dare?

venti: dare!

lumine: break up with xiao

venti: lol

kaeya: lol

xiao: not funny

xiao removed lumine from the group.

thoma: oof

kaeya: yes! you go xiao!

venti: 🖤🖤🖤

childe: and then there was peace lmao

zhongli added lumine to the group.

kaeya: zhongli why? T^T

diluc: she's spamming him

diluc: it's better for her to be annoying here

diluc: :)

lumine: jeez is it national bully lumine day???

venti: awh we just don't want your ego to get too big 😇😘

venti: you're the one to talk

venti: love you too bestie! 🥰

childe: so no truth or dare?

venti: if you want to kiss kaeya, just go and do it...

childe: 😇

kaeya: 😏

Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out. Bre-

“Kaeya” Childe should’ve known that this little exercise wouldn’t work. He could feel his breath catch in his throat as soon as he laid his eyes on Kaeya.

It’s been so long...

Not really but it did feel like an eternity for Childe. He knew he missed Kaeya but when he saw him that day it felt like he was suddenly punched in the gut with how much he actually missed him. And yes, Childe liked to be dramatic sometimes but that time the feeling truly almost made him sink to his knees from the intensity.

“Kaeya.” He said again. Still whispering but this time a bit louder, loud enough for Kaeya to hear and turn around to face him. 

Childe definitely wasn’t ready to see what he saw. His heart broke a little with every thing he noticed. For example the dark circle under Kaeya’s eye and overall how sad that beautiful vibrant eye was in that moment. He hated how small Kaeya seemed, like there was this massive weight just crushing his spirit. He never wanted to see that sight ever again in his life.

They were now both standing a few meters away from each other. Neither of them seemed to know what do say or do any further. So they didn’t move even a little, just looking with the same level of longing, fear and so much love.

And then it seemed like Childe managed to only blink and the next thing he knew Kaeya was right there. His arms wrapped tightly around Childe, so tight he could feel Kaeya’s hammering heart. He could feel Kaeya trembling. And all of it made his head spin. He wanted to cry. He wanted to laugh. He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to never again let him go. He wanted to stay like this for the rest of their lives. With Kaeya’s palms gripping his shirt so tight he was sure it would rip if he moved even a little.

All he craved to do was to hug him back. But he couldn’t move. Somehow his body was frozen with fear. What if he’s dreaming? What if all of this disappear the second he moves a finger. Childe didn’t know if he’d be able to stand it. All he could do was looking at his unmoving hands. And they were shaking so much he almost got concerned.

“Childe.” He was snapped back to reality by Kaeya’s voice.

That’s all it took. The second he heard his name, it was like a switch was flipped somewhere inside him and he could move again. His arms came crushing around Kaeya, pulling his impossibly close to his chest, his face buried deep in Kaeya’s shoulder and tears streaming down Childe’s face.

He had no idea why he was crying. There were too many emotions swirling inside him. He couldn’t jus pinpoint one, responsible for the tears. It was too much and still not enough. He hated it and loved it at the same time. He was a complete mess.

A second? An hour? A year has passed as they stayed like that? Childe wouldn’t be able to tell even if his life depended on it. There was nothing, other than Kaeya in his mind and it was still too much to think straight. He had no idea at what point they sunk to the ground. All he knew was that somehow Kaeya was sitting with his back leaning against a tree and Childe was straddling him while still firmly embracing him.

Childe truly didn’t know if he’d be able to ever let go of Kaeya now. Both figuratively and literally. Nor did he know if the tears would stop falling someday.

“Kaeya, I love you.” He had to say it. It was physically impossible for Childe to hold it in any longer. He might’ve exploded if the words wouldn’t be let out. And he was pressed so close to Kaeya, his face still nestled in the crook of his shoulder, he could both hear and feel Kaeya’s breath catch. But he was still too scared to hear Kaeya’s answer so he kept on repeating the words. “I love you.” He whispered again and his breath made Kaeya shiver slightly. Or maybe it was his words? He wasn’t sure. “I love you so much.” He said yet again and before he could even think about stopping himself his lips were peppering Kaeya’s neck with little feather-like kisses. 

“Childe.” Oh how much he missed it. No words could describe how he missed the way Kaeya was saying his name in that moment, how one of his hands went straight to his hair, how he involuntarily leaned his head back for Childe to explore more of his skin.

He knew they should talk, that they needed to talk. It was the reason he asked Kaeya to meet him there. Right now they still didn’t resolve anything. All that happened was Childe confessing and he was yet again running away from Kaeya’s answer. It was childish behaviour at this point. Some part of him begged him to just enjoy this. If there was a possibility this was the last time he had the chance to be this close to Kaeya, why not cherish it as much as he could? It was tempting, oh so tempting, and Childe had to gather all of his strength to pull himself away from Kaeya.

He rested his forehead on Kaeya’s shoulder for a few seconds to take some deep breaths and calm himself down. There was no escaping and if there was even the smallest chance to make this right he had to do it.

With one last, deep breath Childe raised his head. Their faces were still millimeters apart. Childe reached both of his still shaking hands to gently cup Kaeya’s face. His thumb gently traced Kaeya’s bottom lip and Childe wanted nothing more than to once more throw caution to the wind and just kiss him but he restrained himself and looked him straight in the eye. 

“Kaeya, I love you.” He said clearly. “I’m so very much in love with you.” He added.

Now the ball was in Kaeya’s court. 

There was a moment of silence. Long enough for Kaeya to let the tears loose while his gaze was searching Childe’s, probably for any hint of regret but there was none. Childe knew there was none because never in his life was he more sure of something than what he felt for Kaeya and Kaeya must’ve noticed it himself because his furrowed brows relaxed and some kind of realization dawned on him. Then one of Kaeya’s hand cupped Childe’s and the most beautiful smile Childe has ever seen formed on Kaeya’s face. It actually did took Childe’s breath away.

“I love you, too, Childe.” Kaeya finally said and Childe was sure he didn’t hear it right.

“Say that again.” He pleaded, completely breathless.

“I love you.”

“Again.”

“I love you.” Kaeya chuckled through the tears. “I’ve loved you for a long time now. I’m sorry it took me this long to realize it.” Their foreheads were now touching and Childe had no idea what to do with all the happiness blooming inside of him.

“Well, I literally had a panic attack when I figured it out myself.” Childe laughed. It wasn’t that funny but he just had to laugh he had to release it all somehow.

“What?” Kaeya’s eyes widened.

“Yeah, it was a whole thing.” Childe snorted in response. “It was when Lumine and Diluc went to Liyue. She was actually the one who found me and she’s the first person I told I was in love with you.” 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of hearing that.” Kaeya whispered with that gorgeous smile on his face.

“Good. Because I don’t plan on stopping, both saying that and loving you. You’re stuck with me forever now”

“Is that a threat or a promise?” Kaeya winked and somehow Childe fell in love with him even more.

It was fine... everything was fine... it was just peachy...

Yeah, no, everything was so not fine...

Yet again, Childe was wondering how things ended up like that. He, honestly, never knew life could get this messy... and he was one of the fatui harbingers - so it was saying a lot. 

But there were only two people to blame for it and he definitely was one of them. He even thought he might be the one more responsible. Childe knew exactly how closed-off Kaeya was, especially when it came to expressing feelings, real and deep feelings. He guarded himself for so long it was obvious it wouldn’t be easy on him and Childe running away the next day definitely did not help the situation. So yes, Childe was ready to take the bigger part of the blame.

But that being said, Kaeya wasn’t without the blame either. He didn’t have to completely cut Childe off, no matter how awkward and uncomfortable the whole situation got... not that Childe desperately tried to reach out to him, but stil...

Childe hated to admit that but Scara was right, they were both being stupid in the end.

And even though he now knew all that, it was still just a speculation. He still haven’t talked to Kaeya. So overall they were in the same place they were before Scara texted him.

There was possibility Kaeya loved him back. It’d mean that everything he convinced himself of was not true and at this moment Childe wasn’t quite able to comprehend what it actually meant. 

He spent the whole day with his phone in his hands, his lip was most likely bleeding now from all the biting it had to endure and his hair was sticking in every direction imaginable because of all those time he was so frustrated at the message that wasn’t good enough to send to Kaeya so he had to take it out on his hair.

It was just pitiful and Childe was painfully aware of that. Normally he wouldn’t think twice before sending a text to Kaeya. It wasn’t what mattered. But now one wrong placed coma was enough to deemed the whole message just plain stupid or cringey or too happy or sad. Childe’s mind was racing thousands miles per hour and there was nothing to stop it.

To be honest, it was so simple - he just wanted Kaeya back in his life but somehow he wasn’t able to put it in right words and sending just that after all this time with no contact didn’t feel right. He wanted to say so much but at the same time he was a little scared it’d maybe overwhelm Kaeya and not help the situation in the end.

“You’ve got this.” Childe tried to hype himself up. He took a deep breath, shook his head and unlocked his phone yet again. “It’s just Kaeya.” He chuckled to himself, trying to convince both his mind and racing heart that there’s really nothing to be scared of. “It’s Kaeya.” He repeated, quieter this time and something suddenly changed.

It’s Kaeya.

Childe didn’t even notice he dropped his phone on the floor. It was like that once sentence punched him right in the gut. Making him realize something he deep down already knew, for a long time most likely.

It’s Kaeya.

It’s always been Kaeya.

Was he in love with Kaeya from the very beginning? Did he even know how it felt not to love him? Childe honestly wasn’t sure about this one. But if those days spent apart showed him anything, it was one hundred percent that he didn’t want to know. If being apart from Kaeya felt like that not even after a month, then Childe couldn’t even imagine what a life without Kaeya would be like.

Even to this day Childe didn’t want to fully believe it but all of their friends must’ve been right all along. Did he look like a complete lovesick fool even before he knew it was love? Was he really that obvious without realizing it? 

Did Kaeya figured it out, too?

No, he doubted that. No matter his own insecurities he wouldn’t just ghost him if he knew Childe’s feelings. 

CHAT: +18 ⮡  members: childe / kaeya

childe: i’m coming to mondstadt tomorrow

childe: meet me near the starfell lake at five?

childe: ...please?

kaeya: i’ll be there

kaeya: see you soon

childe: yeah

kaeya: yeah

How was it possible for his hands to shake this much? He didn’t know how he managed to type the messages out but he did and he’d see Kaeya again tomorrow. He could feel how awkward the texting was but at this point he could not possibly care less. Mere hours were keeping him away from the love of his life Kaeya and Childe knew he wouldn’t be sleeping that night. 

Not when he had to think of what to say to him in order to express his feelings clearly and not to mess up again.

He will make this right.