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"I don't mean to be rude, but why the fuck have you got a book called 'The Male Penis: An Analysis?"

in which two students bond over a book about penises

alternative universe

This is a 5sos fanfic I actually started writing in 2015 (i think) and didn’t have the balls to post until I found it recently and decided to just say fuck it and put it up.

Him chatting absolute shit to try and make you laugh

Like I can so imagine him leaning against the wall making up some bullshit story just to see you happy and giggling

Also, he would just be so dramatic about everything

He would throw himself down on the sofa next to you and just sigh loudly and repeatedly until you ask him what’s wrong

And then he would launch into some story about whatever had minorly convinced him that day

He would play with your hair all the time

If you were sat together or cuddling or whatever he would just run his hands through your hair and twirl it round his fingers

Hair pulling kink

He would have the huskiest voice in the morning

And he would know how much you loved it and purposefully tease you with it

Just him being a cocky little shit

But showing you his soft side as well

You would take the piss out of each other all the time and just rip the shit out of each other

And if he ever took it too far Spike would feel so bad about it and do everything to make you feel better bc he would hate the thought of upsetting you

His hands just roaming all over you

Always wanting to make you know how much he loved you

Randomly showing up at your house just to spend time with you

A/N: i really struggled writing this tbh so i’m sorry it’s not great but please leave any feedback you have. thank you so much, I hope you enjoy it

“I thought it might turn you on, seeing me fighting someone, all hot and sweaty.” Spike said, placing his hands on Buffy’s waist, attempting to pull her closer to him.

“Turn me on? My turns on are, I don’t know, having some fucking common sense.” As Buffy spoke, she pulled away from Spikes grip, heading to the freezer to grab some ice. “My turn offs however, are idiot boys following me into grave yards, attempting to fight vampires that turn out to be mourning humans and getting me injured.”

Buffy raised the ice to her cheekbone where a vivid red welt was beginning to appear. She winced as the coldness hit her skin and stared angrily at the man who she felt looked far too happy given the current situation.

“I’m not sure it’s my fault you got injured. I mean if you had just been paying a bit more attention…”

“So help me God, I will stake you before you can finish that sentence.”

Buffy glared at him and no matter how much Spike loved winding her up, he couldn’t help but feel bad as he saw the bruising beginning to spread across her face. He walked over to her, reaching up to move the ice from her face. Buffy let him take her hand as he peered at the wound she had received.

“I am sorry.” He whispered, his thumb softly running down the red mark. Grimacing, Buffy pulled back before finally relaxing into Spikes touch. “But I’ve left far worse marks on that pretty little body of yours.”

Rolling her eyes, Buffy smacked his hand away. Spike always managed to be so inappropriate but she couldn’t help but chuckle at his mischievous remarks.

“You’re such a prick.” She sighed, placing the ice down on the kitchen counter. “What about that family you attacked? Even if the chip did stop you killing them I’m sure they’ll be mentally scarred at least.”

“I’m sure they’ll be fine. They’ll just assume I was some crazy grave yard guy.”

“You are some crazy grave yard guy.”

“I’m your crazy grave yard guy.”

Buffy mimed a gag at his response but still lent forward to wrap her arms around him. Picking her up, Spike carried Buffy to the kitchen counter, placing her down as he leaned in to kiss her. Before he had the chance, Buffy let out a shrill shriek, jumping down from the worktop Spike had placed her on.

“What the hell Buffy, are you alright?”

She nodded in response, laughing as she did so.