goodvibes only

because i was gifing this i know they were shaking hands for exactly 8 seconds. 

that’s the only reason. 

Look at those soft kissable lips on that beautiful face, makes me feel embarrassed as a woman.

Then in Chapter 77, all Nakyum did was looking ridiculously adorable in his pretend sleep. “Mm...” and that’s about it. His presence is so strong that he doesn’t even need to utter a single word. If that’s not legendary comeback I don’t know what is.

BD said they met when seungkyum was little. BD drew a few spoiler panels on yt live today and in the panels she drew, seungkyum was in the same kiseang house. lord song was sitting on seungho and talking to a kisaeng (probably heena).

idon’t know whose point of view it is but another knot in my mind has been untied. i thought about this panel for a long time, but now I’m sure.

he seungho and possibly his father forcibly brought kisaeng to his home for cure/fix and forced him to have seggs with women. this is part of lord song’s own treatment, which he chose to refuse to go to the shaman the doctor recommended to him.

seungkyum’s pasts are like two sides of the same coin. it’s so tragic because seungho was just screaming for help while nakyum grew up believing the nobles were evil when he saw the noble kicking his noona at the door.

fate did not pity them again while bringing these two innocent children together.

it’s so tragic, same place different points of view. nakyum stands by the door crying and sees a noble tormenting his noona and grows up believing that nobles are terrible people. but seungho only cries for help and tries to run away from what they want him to do

and yes, this is seungkyum’s first met in the past.

while nakyum was safe with inhun, the moon was following them. but seungho was forcibly brought back in and the assulted, which was probably the last part of lord song’s plan, took place.

“the animals, dogs and chickens do..” ‘it’s the cure for what they call it.

i believe heena knows too much about seungho’s past. if it’s kisaeng heena kicked by the nobleman and lord song asks him to have seggs with seungho for a 'fix’, the two must be the same age.

it was clear that seungho was going to be a season focused on my past. for seungho, mr. kim was playing his father. it would have been the same if papa yoon hadn't learned all this. he was the only person close to him in the household where he lived.

the only person who accepted seungho for who he was all this time was again mister kim. it is now clear why he was the only one tolerant of such sin during the joseon era.

seungho still can't admit that he was betrayed. Mr. Kim was more than just a father symbol to him. Mr. Kim has a key role in the whole story regarding seungho's past. he blames himself for seungho's soul demise and even if seungho beat him, he doesn't leave his side.

mister kim, the expression on his face when he first saw seungho like this is regret. when he saw seungho kissing someone (probably with jihwa), he must not have calculated that things would come to this. it was an unforgivable disappointment for seungho that mister kim did this. because the only person he trusted in the household, who he saw in the role of father, had betrayed him.

when the other servant takes him on him back, je only takes one look at mr. kim "did you like it?"

the breaking point for seungho starts here.

his friend betrayed him.

everyone he trusted watched, including seungwon and jihwa, being beaten and tortured for "such of things animals, dogs, and chickens did.." definitely someone who knows everything about jihwa seungho's past. seungho gave him more than his secrets. but even though jihwa knew this, she kept coming to see him to take advantage of seungho. although they were together, jihwa left him alone, and he was alone once again.

he was aware that seungho jihwa and the chamber gang wanted to take advantage of him, and he gave them what they wanted to annoy his father even more. this clearly shows the reason for his attitude towards jihwa and chamber gang.

the tragic thing is that despite all this violence and treatment, seungho always kept smiling as a kid. when papa toon showed seungho to the doctor and was advised to go to a shaman, he refused and chose his own method. method; lock him in a room and let the old MEN assaulted him, creating another trauma.

"there has never been anyone in this household whom i could call mine. that much has remained unchanged."

this is the point where seungho was completely destroyed and surrendered to nightmares. seungho started turning from a child to a monster.

having said that, the place he went to was nakyum's chamber. the only person he wanted to belong his own. even though seungho is sure of his own feelings, he's not sure what nakyum is feeling. for seungho. for seungho, these feelings are new and confusing. he doesn't know what to do. but he know, he happy and comfort with nakyum

seungho persisted in not being able to take his meds, especially after nakyum. again he did not take his medicine and went to nakyum, next to his real medicine. fondling his little lover's hair and feeling him warmth, giving him kisses without him knowing is seungho's medicine.

seungho still doesn't have the courage to really express himself by looking into nakyum's eyes during the day. that's why he prefers to go to her at night, when he falls asleep. he talks to nakyum like a real lover, with him real feelings and expresses him wishes.

to see seungho's love, it is wrong to expect grand gestures and emotional words from him. his love is hidden in his little touches. touch is a love language.

seungho's smile is like;

Seungho has experienced the worst kind of child abuse the guise of conversion therapy at the hands of his own father - imprisoned, tortured, beaten like a slave on a straw mat,… - it’s not suprising he is fucked up, it’s shocking he is still alive. And he still haven’t given in until the end.

Judging from the purple robe, Seungho comes to Nakyum right after confronting Mr. Kim to seek comfort from him -  from his nearness, his scent, his touch,… - it seems Nakyum truly is the balm for Seungho’s damaged soul.

Seungho has wanted desperately for a long time to have someone who would be only his - someone loyal to him, someone to love him. He chose Nakyum and that’s why he used to be so extremely jealous at IH and possessive of Nakyum. Seungho wants Nakyum and his heart to belong to him alone.

Seungho is drawn to Nakyum like a moth to the flame, like an addict trying to stay away but always caves in to steal a few moments to make him survive until he sees Nakyum again.He gives him only feather-like, impossibly gentle touches as if he were afraid he might break Nakyum otherwise or that he wouldn’t be able to leave if he took more. The man who couldn’t deny himself anything has now a control of steal. And then he just leaves, like a fleeting dream vanishing before the dawn.

Seungho gives the word ‘whipped’ a completely new meaning. If he is not with Nakyum, he’s stalking him and eavesdropping on him, curious about everything that is Nakyum and remembering everything Nakyum said. He even plans to make up for the lost time when they didn’t known each other and do with Nakyum all those things Nakyum loved to do with others. He wants to become his family, like the kisaengs used to be. The most poignant thing about it is that he is both pretty much asking Nakyum on a date and planning their future together. Seungho sees himself having a future with Nakyum.

I wonder how long they are going to sustain this pretense, this game they play, where Seungho is aware Nakyum is awake and Nakyum allows Seungho everything he wants to do, with both of them pining for more but afraid to talk about it in fear of destroying the status quo.

Volume1 The Star of Wilderness

Chapter1     Prologue

NSC*  March 6th , 270

The Interstellar Union announced an emergency command, calling Jingheng Lin, the commodore of the Silver Fortress, back to the capital planet Wotto to be interrogated immediately.

Jingheng Lin violated the command sturdily.

The next day, the headline of Wotto Daily was a furious line——“Are you revolting against the IU, Jingheng Lin?”

At the end of March, the Silver Fortress was fully blockaded. About five hundred super-space massive mechs parked out of the artificial atmosphere. The elites of the Silver Fortress were ready to kill their colleagues. Both sides refused to compromise. The deadlock had lasted for almost 48 hours till the evening of 26th.

The General Knight placed the rum and the ice cubes on the table quietly, standing at attention.

The commodore standing at the window snapped, suggesting him to stay.

Commodore Lin, who was famous as a tyrant in all eight galaxies, was fairly tall. The preciseness and appropriateness reflected from hair to feet made him to be seemingly cold-blooded. He added few ice cubes into the whisky cup causally. A virtual image embraced his left ear——his communication was on , which indicated that he was talking to someone right now.

Thanks to advanced communication technology, phones were connected with the personal terminal so that people didn’t have to “say” , instead, they just simply “think”, for the signal from brain would arrive the opposite receiver straight. In this way, the secrecy could be well ensured. The only way to judge whether the call meant greeting or wrangling was to observe the expression of the speaker.

However, Knight Lorde who was standing there silently couldn’t figure out anything from the Commodore’s face.

The modern society encouraged bluffness, openness and outspokenness. Therefore the old-fashioned conservativeness and alienation of Lin didn’t suit the times greatly. The press and his political opponents grasped these personalities to attack him, criticizing him as a scheming and arrogant person.

The “scheming” commodore ended the conversation. Feeling the taste of rum in his mouth, he spoke to Lorde as if nothing had happened: “The Admiral of the fleets asked me to make a strategic compromise―― go back to Wotto anyway.”

Lorde was confused for a moment.

“Strategic compromise.” Commodore Lin repeated the phrase ironically with a sneer and watched the current news.

The press in Wotto were all focusing on the situation of the Silver Fortress.

The new secretary-general were standing in front of the parliament of the capital planet, addressing briefly to the press. “For me, Commodore Lin is my schoolmate, my friend and most of all, my family. I swear, with my career, my dignity and my everything, that Commodore Lin is loyal to Wotto. He will never betray Wotto, meanwhile, he will never betray the Interstellar Union for sure. The queries to his loyalty are all slanderous!”

Commodore Lin was chewing an ice cube while listening to the passionate speech.

“Jingheng, please, please give me a minute if you are watching.” The secretary-general looked into the person behind the camera deeply, “Do not let the false accusation disturb you. Do not let the misunderstanding become a conflict which will definitely hurt your beloved and please your enemy. Please, come back!  Jingshu and I are both waiting for you in Wotto. You still have families in Wotto, Jingheng!”

Then a woman beside Golden was seen on the screen. She, in black, didn’t wear any make up and looked extremely pale. The only color on her face came from her black eyes and eyebrows. However nothing could decrease her amazing beauty for even a little bit.

Jingshu Lin was Commodore Lin’s little sister in blood. She married to Golden, who had the greatest future in all seven galaxies in the IU, a year ago.

Mrs. Golden surrounded by knights didn’t say a word but looked into the air, fairly like a delicate doll.

Commodore Lin was not touched at all. He turned to ask his knight: “What do you think of the secretary-general?”

Lorde answered prudently. “He is really something.”

“Yeah, he is something, indeed. He is fairly perfect in every way but the mood he showed. I bet those not in the know would guess that I have an affair with my brother-in-law.” Jingheng laughed and turned off the screen, tossing off the liquor in his glass, “ Far too cheesy.”

Lorde took over the empty glass, speaking in low voice. “Commodore, you don’t have to pay attention to those annoying things. The Ten Squadrons are ready to fight right now. You can give the order whenever you want to.”

“To what? Rebelling?” Looking at him, Jingheng suddenly asked, “Did you graduate from the first military school?”

“Yes, Sir! I was the 260th graduates from the Black Orchid College in proud!”

“How is your family? Do you have any sisters or brothers?”

Lorde was confused, didn’t understand why his Commodore asked him these questions in such intense time. Despite of this, he answered the question seriously: “My father is in charge of an medical institution. My mother is a teacher in Black Orchid College. I have an elder brother and a little sister.”

Jingheng smiled bitterly.

Ready to fight right now……

The young boy took it so easy——fight against whom?

Your families who are proud of you?

The Black Orchid College was the nickname of the first military school. Though the BOC was known as the cradle of high-ranks, few of the graduates were able to be one of the Sliver Fortress.

Apart from excellent grades were required. The graduates’ futures were associated with their hometown as the result of superior political game. They took “humanitarianism” into consideration so that the soldiers should be near their home. As a fortress of the first galaxy, the Silver Fortress only accepted graduates from the first galaxy. What was more, most of them came from upper class, including families of merchants, high-level intellectuals, celebrities and even politicians.

Therefore, the political environment was super complicated. There were generally two factions——

One was the Ten Squadrons, Lin’s own inner circle which had hunt down star pirates with him. The number of them was about one tenth of the whole fortress. The Ten Squadrons shared the bad reputation with its Commodore, famous as universal hoodie. Scandals about them were reported everyday, becoming the entertainment of folks. As everyone known, it was totally combating poison with poison when they fought against star pirates in the past.

The rest were all childes from the BOC. Complicated families and bonds behind them weaved a giant net to bind their loyalty, ensuring the Silver Fortress is stable and still and all.

Jingheng waved to his General Knight and gave an order. “Give me a suite. Send messages to customs on our way, claiming our route. I will start my journey back to Wotto tomorrow.”

Lorde was shocked. “Commodore……”

“The Admiral of fleets told me to make a strategic compromise, what else do you want? All of the Silver Fortress——” Lin paused, looking at the view out of the window. Thousands of starships were ready to fight against the unwelcome guests out of the artificial atmosphere. They shone coldly, reminding people of the silver fish in the sea. The sea was reflected in Commodore’s grey eyes.

He took off the gloves and then tossed them away. “Unarmed.”

The following day, the Jingyuan Starship flew away the Silver Fortress like a tiny boat in the sea.

The covetous and offensive machinery army out of the artificial atmosphere stepped aside and made a narrow path for the military dictator, watching his back in silence.

Unarmed starships were not allowed with transfer valves. According to normal process, the Jingyuan Starship would spend 13 days from the Silver Fortress to the capital planet Wotto via 6 customs.

The fourth day, the Jingyuan Starship passed by the Sima planet, encountering an  asteroid stream. The Jingyuan intended to avoid it. On the contrary, the fourth squadron of the capital regarded Jingheng Lin as the most dangerous person. It was terrified that the Jingyuan didn’t arrive on time. As a result, it announced twelve level 1 alerts in just one day to stop the transient stay of the Jingyuan.

The Jingyuan were forced to detour via the Heart of the Rose——the only forbidden zone in the first galaxy which had never been explored by mankind.

On April 6th in NSC, the Jingyuan Starship were attacked by star pirates hidden in the periphery of the Heart of the Rose. The Jingyuan was destroyed while Jingheng Lin was killed.

In the capital planet, various public opinions arose from the shocking news. The Ten Squadrons rebelled. The Silver Fortress stopped working. Admiral Wolf resigned furiously to the IU Council, for he lost his favorite subordinate. At the same time, more horrible incidents happened. The pirates, who were driven out of the eight galaxies by Commodore Lin ten years ago, came back again, attacking a civil route in the sixth galaxy. The messy Military Committee’s hysteretic reactions caused great injuries and deaths.

The series of events is historically called the Silver Catastrophe.

Large demonstrations spread like a plague, from the sixth galaxy to the first through transfer points.

Wotto altered their attitude under pressure. They pacified the Military Committee first, then shut their mouth about forcing Lin to come back. Mouthpieces of government praised Commodore Lin as much as they once had criticized him, as if they had lost their memory overnight.

The “scheming” commodore became the gift for human, the greatest man in history.

The funeral was held in Wotto. A suite Lin never wore stood for him, getting into the Martyrs Cemetery of Wotto. The ticket price was unbelievably high and Commodore Lin was in Guinness World Records for died so expensively. Jingheng Lin, of obituary fame.

Jingshu Lin was in black voile on that day, presenting back the compliments from every celebrities showed on the funeral. She was genuinely demure and extremely elegant in such an occasion.

She was so beautiful——you would praise her beauty for sure if you had seen her——and coldhearted as well.

Golden the secretary-general stepped closer. Jingshu, as fragile as a dodder, winded his arm, accepting his care compliantly, letting him help her put on her hat. Then she sat in silence, looked at him with worship and dependency, listening to his performance full of sorrow, and wiped her crocodile tears with handkerchief time and time again.

Reporters photographed her for a while then scattered in dull. Mrs. Golden was exactly the same as she acted at a fancy fair in opposition to throwing pets’ bodies into outer space. She was so banally stylish that the press could use the same photos from other activities as well.

Jingshu was still, although the press all scattered.

She was like the most beautiful flower blooming lonesomely in the wind—— whether there was anyone watching or not, she just simply appreciated herself.

Now the beautiful flower smiled in tears. So stunning was she that the light of humanity seemed to be shining upon her comely features. She watched Golden choking with sobs on the stage elegantly. She thought: “A life for a life, I want you to die.”

It had been for more than 200 years since human lived in peace after the start of the new sidereal era. But for now, a grisly crack appeared on the tender surface of the peace——

Notes: