When Silence Isn’t Golden

Ama Aya (Progress through Process) discusses the silent treatment—a form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is highly characteristic of those with extreme narcissistic traits. Abusers stonewall or employ the silent treatment for any of four related reasons.

1. Control They do it to feel a sense of control, power, authority, or superiority. More practically, they can do it to control you, to unilaterally control the situation, or to instrumentally condition your behaviour. Psychologists call this ‘coercive control’.

2. Silence They do it to undermine, minimise, and dismiss whatever you have just asserted or raised, rather than engaging with you openly and honestly.

3. Avoid They do it to avoid (perceived) conflict, to avoid compromise, to avoid feeling ashamed or rejected, to avoid providing an explanation or revealing certain information, to avoid resolving a conflict or providing closure, or to avoid having to be personally responsible or accountable.