Soft Life Gaby 🪷

Something that I don’t often talk about on here is my huge struggles with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and other mental health issues. That’s why my *need* for a soft life is so deep and visceral…because life has been hard and painful for so long.

Every time I have a change on meds or I start I new therapy plan, I tend to get very disregarded, because it’s like re-living so much of my trauma all over again. And if there are triggering situations or people all at the same time, it’s even worse.

I’m getting ready for a wedding while praying and hoping they will actually grant me the visa I need to go ahead with it…and I have to apply for it while being outside of the UK…so leaving my fiancé behind and most of the only semblance of normalcy and safety I’ve had for the last two years.

I’m so scared…I’m hopeful but terrified. The amount of money that’s gone to solicitors and paperwork is insane. And the solicitors are pretty confident in my case, but still…

Lack of autonomy and uncertainty are *big* triggers for me. Plus difficult family dynamics with MIL.

All in all, I’m on the max dose of SNRI, trying Talkworks, trying to figure out other sorts of therapy for my other issues, having the most awful time with my body dysmorphia trying wedding dresses with my MIL (tiny village and no really other people my age to relate to) and all in all, I had a massive crashout that lasted 4 days and I don’t remember most of it…

I’m trying so hard to get my life together, but sometimes it’s really hard and terrifying doesn’t even describe it while I struggle to brush my teeth, eat decent food and start packing my luggage slowly to go abroad hoping for the best.