You get so used to being sad.

When I told you I couldn’t do this, you cried harder than I had ever seen. I tried to hug you and said I was sorry and told you that I loved you. Then it was like you were completely fine. Stopped crying immediately and smirked and said “so you can do this”

The twelve missed calls and eight text messages threatening to call my mom if I didn’t turn on my location even though you knew where I was and who I was with. The “I love you but fuck you” text. You tried to use find my iPhone to get my location but forgot my email address. You say you were just worried about me. But you told me when I called to do what I wanted and that you didn’t care. You told me to leave you alone. You said not to call you if I was drunk and to get an Uber.

So according to you, I’ve been making all of this up in my head and causing these issues on my own for no reason. I don’t even know at this point. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am the problem. Why can’t I trust my own thoughts?

Why do I sabotage everything good in my life?