Me Myself & I

Me : can't I just be happy? My brain : no u fucking can't what did you think ? Me : you're right it's my fault

I don't really see the point of living anymore Idk I'm trying really hard to get a grip but it's hard . I feel everything and nothing at all lately I'm constantly dizzy and my head hurts I have responsibilities I'm 21 I have to take care of others and complete my duties but I feel like a robot ? I mean I just get it done and the second I have some time to think the thoughts come back and I feel really bad again almost like passing out . Idk what to think of myself anymore ...

Is it really that pathetic to love someone even if they hurt you constantly? Why can't I move on ? I want to I really want to I know he's bad for me he left me when I needed him the most but when he comes back for a while I always give in I shouldn't . Everyone tries to make me never take him again but I always give in its so pathetic of me. But what can I do to stop loving someone even though he's bad ? I don't know . I think I'm depressed I think I don't really want to live anymore I feel so numb he's hurt me so bad then why am I so lonely without him ? Why do I find myself reaching out to him ? One touch one kiss one hug and it all takes the pain away but then again he's the main cause of the pain. It's so fucked up ... I'm fucked up .