I Got It…Moxy

Shadows ricochet off the wall

And choice is no longer a compromise

I don’t do all the talking anymore

I let the voices pick the poison

Caught behind first impressions had me too afraid to speak

…I knew if I fucked up

While you got a little more lost in faith, love and subliminals

I became okay with being written off as a phony

I won’t be joining you in your game of charades

Im sick of putting shit together

I’m not ode to you

Mistaken for obsession

And guilt tripped by the routine of being unimpressed

No one sees how you irrationally screen your own headaches

With…

The unsettling feeling of having to do things alone

Yet, here you are…

Stacking sweet dreams over bitter objections from those who wish to pend your life

They don’t know you outside their own head

They bought a blurred vision of you

You would excuse my mind as it wanders

Spotless…from the lack of attention

Your distracted attention never allowed the screaming in your head to cease

Placed in cages that I assumed was for protection

For many, heaven was stolen and given to hell

Sold

Rumored by bidders of the highest price

Only to swap proprietorship for a broken down deluded amenity

A spinner of the night

A desert sky fills my mind

My nose spills

I’m sleep deprived

And sovereignty is only felt in a bed of fumes

Never again to be caught up in distain

I dont seek to place roots

Instead, I seek discovery

My voice wavers

A spaceship that carries essence of me

I chose to give space for arrival

Not to solely be in the moment

Rather to understand capacity of self

There are many moons

And a thousand suns

Who randomly tries out of nowhere

With inspiration that seems to sit on a rolodex.

Often misunderstood

A habitual over-thinker

Who seems to always see the best in people

To remember the things I once held near

I must continue to fly

To brave the hurricanes

Once held hostage by constant brawls in the street

We’re the memories I cling to

Warm…

From the unsettling riot within my heart

…I’ve thought too much

Now there seems to be no air left in my lungs

I can’t hyperventilate

I can’t panic

And there’s no way out

I found myself within you

Warm embraces became the remedy

If I can’t keep it all

It doesn’t mean a thing

You became like a stranger to my heart

When I stopped putting her before me

When I realized it was okay for me to be selfish

When I realized it wasn’t her fault that I put her on a pedestal

———

I wasn’t ready to accept the love I was looking for

But only scared because I didn’t want to lose myself again

———

I…

Habitually fall into obsession

I love bomb

Taken and left in ruin

Questioning what was the point of risen

Rooms painted in all white

Wanting to keep what was never in the horizon

Casualties spent

Realizing I couldn’t hold on

Watching the castles made of sand slide through my fingers

So you hung up your love

Only strapped, secured by tatters of old bone

For you, your love never felt so strong

You persevered for hope

But your face never looked so small

You thought the guard of self and peace would inspire

And now you say to yourself:

Trampled across your grave

You begged for more despair

As if mortality was never anything but a dim lit light

You were a masochist…

Your headstone reads: