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Let’s see how this one going.

Hope it’s my last day one. I know it will be.

Well, it started with me being hungry again, finally.

I was finally hungry. Tried to make noodles but I put too much garlic powder and didn’t feel like trying again. So I remained hungry. Now I’m hungry but don’t want to eat “too late”.

What a poor excuse. I have a sub in front of me. I’m going to try to eat 10 bites before looking at the bottle. I really don’t want to drink but I want to go to sleep.

As much as I would like to quit cold-turkey, going from 1.5L+ per day to zero is not easy. The first week I went cold. Today I’m doing NO tree, and took 3 shots. Tomorrow I hope to not need any shots. Although it IS an excuse, I couldn’t eat and I needed calories, so I did take a few. I’m not too disappointed because I’m not hammered or high; but I could have done better.

They waited for us to be done and made moves.

I really loved you.

I cry now because our love was so innocent. So easy. So comforting. Yet I don’t even understand the concept of comfort or easy anymore. I miss “us”.

You’re sister is an officer of the law and she says/does nothing when we all know she knows how you are. Funny. Did you ever have the baby for her? Still weird, but whatever.

The thought of you saddens me now. I really thought I loved you. I guess that’s rude to say, so I’ll say I’m happy for my growth and the time I loved you. What a chapter. I was so young. So na

Could we have really made it?

How many kids would we have? Would we stay in the states? Would we be traveling?

I’m pretty strong. I’m pretty smart. I’m pretty much better than the crap I’ve been subjecting myself to. And no one cares because I don’t.

You made it to Rio without me.

You told me if you went you weren’t going to come back… I guess she really broke your heart.

I caught myself thinking about you the other day… well I guess a lot recently… I’ve changed SO much since we last spoke. You look the same… healthy and happy.

Last time I saw you, you didn’t see me because I ran away in tears. I don’t know what I would say to you. I wonder if you smell the same; but I guess that doesn’t matter. You broke my heart into pieces. You broke me into even more pieces. I was shattered. I was sad. I was angry. I felt betrayed. I really thought we were going to be forever. I finally said “yes” to someone. I thought I was in love.

I’m glad I have the wisdom from that experience.

I really thought I would never get over you. I thought you were the one. My universe. My everything.

Pretty bold statement.

When I’m stressed or drinking I always seem to have alcohol magically appear from some random place. I cannot keep having hidden outlets.