Soap

Now I might be fucking crazy but hear me out

Do the knobs on the front dorsal fin not look a little similar 😭 male fantail darters grow those thangs during breeding season to attract females to their baby-depositing rock. Since the knobs kinda look like darter eggs the females think: 'oh, what a responsible father', and dump their eggs there. The males are actually sick asf tho they stay and guard the rocks, so I guess they are responsible fathers.

After that, you might go on a few missions, drop a couple one-liners that are straight CHEEKS, get beat up in an alleyway over your favorite actor (gay), and shoot yourself with your own gun thirtyish times while still having the AUDACITY to say "You should see the other guy 😼"

You'll also be getting a promotion at work soon but now three of your coworkers are dead so it's kind of buns actually. And even though the fandom collectively agrees that you're a baddie, you still stink and get zero huzz in canon. Also, whenever you're coming down with that migraine, y'know, from shooting yourself in the head, your stand will be there to scream in your ears at frequencies that only dogs should be able to hear.