love me.

s  n  o  w  d  r  c  p  s independent multimuse / selective / private / est. nov 2020; remade feb 2021.         loved by sam; 22; she / her & they / them. please read pages before interacting. ↳ home.   rules.   muses.   wishlist. credits 1 & 2 other blogs : hcneysoaked ( indie oc  ). && angelicfront ( nephilim oc )

isaiah almost leans into their touch, instead simply letting them continue to toy with the strands of his hair as he shifts to study them. he understands the worry, he thinks, some of it echoing his own experience, though well aware of just what cause the issue there. is it an apology he should offer now ? he swallows it back for now, only nodding along slightly to their concerns. there doesn’t seem to be a right thing to say now, or not one he’s too keen on saying even now. fingers continue to rub slight circles into their inner thigh, another kiss pressed against their skin with a sigh. “ can’t spend the whole time worrying about it, you know. we just... see how things go.”

the slight strain in his tone is enough to have something catch in ezra’s throat, eyes softening even more with each passing moment. there’s a certainty in theodore’s words that leave them aching, the reassurance they craved through everything. “ did you ? ” do you still ? unsure of what else to do with their hands, they take his, eyes staring intently as if seeing for the first time, almost afraid to look back up when they feel their vision begin to blur with tears. they’ve never been too embarrassed to cry, even less so in front of him, only seems unearned when they know they were their own cause. “ could— could you really be so sure that soon ? ”

the hand resting on them shifts up and down slightly, seemingly unsure of whether its aim is to soothe or something more. “ you don’t have to worry about that. ” they shouldn’t, but he knows he’s given them more than enough reason to do just that. leaning closer, lips pressing something gentle against their cheek before they mark a trail down, resting along their neck for a moment before he looks back up. “ why are you so sure that’s where we’ll end up ? ”

isaiah wants to take offense to the latter, but there’s reason in their worry that he can’t quite argue against. “ I don’t leave without warning. ” not today, not recently, at least. “ and I keep coming back, don’t I ? ” he hopes there’s enough sincerity in the way he looks at them, just enough to reassure something, even if he wasn’t sure just how much weight his words really carried. he shifts closer, closing the gap between them when they turn away, a hand carefully resting  “ don’t you trust me ? ”

“ it’s not ‘ just like that, ’ ” isaiah makes no move to rise after them, only following makoto’s movement with his gaze. “ you knew I’d have to go. ” almost out of his control, like he didn’t hide behind the same excuse each time. sitting up, there’s a hint of something apologetic in his eyes, but it never makes it past just that, a sigh pushing its way past his lips instead. “ what’s wrong with this ? you know I’ll come back. ”

baby,  won’t  you  kiss  me  already  ? 

“ maybe this was all supposed to happen just like this because… because it was always gonna be us anyway. ” an apology sits on their tongue, already said too many times as it is between them, but ezra wonders if it will ever be enough for the hurt that sat between them. the smile they offer is just as hesitant as the hands that reach up, gently brushing back messy hair. “ I always thought you were cute, you know. since— since I first saw you. ”

“ it’s cold outside. i don’t do cold.” it hardly makes a difference, skin cold to the touch no matter where aries is, only made worse when julian strays from his side. it’s a weak argument, eyes just barely peeking through covers. “ do you have to practice right now ? ”

“ I know you love me. ” the words stumble from isaiah’s mouth with little filter now, tone almost carrying the slightest bit of accusation as he lies next to them, hoping for a moment that makoto might still be asleep despite the way their stirring has put a stop to the idea. “ and I mean what I said last night, I just... ” a breath, just a moments pause. “ I might have to leave soon. ”