Snowy diary

Well, looks like I'm still alive. I'm just going to write a small list of resolutions here and I'll look back in a year to see if I did any of them (knowing myself, probably not.)

1) Learn Korean and/or Japanese (or at least have a good base)

2) Be more fit. Work out more.

3) Get better grades at school.

4) Be able to control my emotions more. For example frustration. 

5) Be less awkward (this one is probably the one that will most likely NOT happen.)

If I can think of anymore, I'll add it to the list.

I apologize for not being active for the past days and even weeks. Yes I got back home from my internship, and I already want to leave. I hate my house. I hate my house. For the last 8 days I was here, I did not have one single day where I didn't need to blow my nose because of my allergies or because of the temperature in the house. You see, my dad is really cheap and he won't open much heat when it's cold. Even if I wear a lot of things in the day and at night, I'll still catch a cold when I get dress or when I go shower.... Thanks dad. I really hate my life right now, I want to die. Also, I like how I kept saying this and still am alive, lol. I should do it, like seriously. And I'm sure the reason I'm blowing my nose here is my house. How do I know? For some mysterious reasons, whenever I'm at school or somewhere "normal" I don't sneeze or I don't blow my nose. 

I don't think I have any comments on today, sorry..

88 Days down, 4 to go.

Today was a normal day where I got to take a nap after work since I woke up at 5 am in the morning... I'm also trying to figure if I should go to a birthday party or not...

89 Days down, 3 to go.

Today was.... A normal day? I don't know. Even though I'm really close to going home, I want and I don't want to go home at the same time. I don't know what to think about anymore and it's annoying me. Please kill me someone, just please do it now.

Also, Mel and Catherine are trying to convince me to move out with them. I'm not sure if I'm ready for this.... I want to move out of my house, but at the same time I don't want to leave my mom alone and I don't want to stress to pay for rent and all that... Specially when I don't have a stable job.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh just fmlfmlfmlfmlfmlfmlfmlfmlfmlf.

87 Days down, 5 to go.

Today was such a crazyyyy day at the front desk... People did't stop yelling and complaining.... I understand them, but at the same time, it's not like it can change a lot of things when they do.... And it also makes us feel like crap.... Well it makes ME feel like crap. I do not need this.

86 Days down, 6 to go.

Today I was looking forward to work today because it was one of the first morning shifts I’ve had in weeks! I missed spending all my time with Justin in my shifts. He was happy I was working too, we missed working with each other. I love Justin, he has happiness to my days. I’m really happy I met him. He’s so proud of me when I work because he said I’m more competent than the others. It feels good to hear that! Just one week left before I leave…… My last week to see Harry…. I need to stop thinking about him…. It makes me sad every day…When I thinking about him, which is pretty often since I met him at work…. Ugh I hate myself so much right now. One more week for me to decide if I want to suicide here or not. And I’m also thinking about getting my nipple(s) pierced or not if I don’t suicide…. ugh fml. 85 Days down, 7 to go. Just one more week...

I don’t know what I’m going to do. This morning, I had serious thoughts about jumping into the lake tonight, after my shift… I’m scared. I’m scared of what I can do… I don’t trust myself, I don’t trust my thoughts, I don’t trust my brain…. I’m scared, I really scared. I’m afraid of what I can do…. 

83 Days down, 9 to go.

Today I went to talk with Justin while he was on his lunch break before I went to the gym. And once again, I couldn't stop thinking about Harry all day.... I really need to stop thinking about him because it is really over, I sent him a few texts and he didn't answer any of them.... It is pretty obvious and I need to stop texting him. It makes me so upset.... I hate this I hate this I hate this! 

82 Days down, 10 to go.

I went to the gym in the afternoon, and I went to work... I really don't remember what I did that day, and I forgot to log in since I had a night shift and I was too tired...

81 Days down, 11 to go.

It was a pretty normal day. I went to work and I bake Justin some cake because he bought me a mix to make some for him. Then I went to the gym for a few moments and I left because I wasn't motivated. When I left, I saw Harry... Well I got my hopes up for nothing, I guess. We talked a little bit and then he had to go back to work. I asked him if he wanted to stop by my apartment after work, and he said he'd text me, which he didn't. Up, and down. I'm actually very sad right now.... I wanted to see him, but I guess he didn't... When I was talking to him, I wanted to kiss him so bad... But eh, guess this is really after all. I just need to stick that to my head.... But... I kinda like him.... ugh. Fml. Can't some random drunk guy run over me when he's drunk? Please?

80 days down, 12 to go.

It was pretty busy at the front desk. I don't really remember what I did beside working.... 

79 Days down, 13 to go.