𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐃 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄 ♡

"Hey, MC, you ok?" Ace asks.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine," you tell him.

He gives you a look but doesn't push it, instead going back to his class work. You try to do yours but you can't focus. You're so tired. You haven't been sleeping well as every night you've been having nightmare after nightmare about your friends dying, the overblots, the school crumbling, and it's all your fault. That's the thing they all have in common, that everything crumbled, everyone died, everything went wrong all because you didn't stop it. But, you can't focus on that right now, your problems aren't anything compared to what your friends are going through. So, every morning you put on a smile and act as if you're not being tortured by you own brain every time you go to sleep at night.

Grim sits next to you, helping you do the work while sitting in your lap. You pet him absentmindedly, causing him to purr happily. It makes you a bit sleepy, and given that alongside the nightmares you're also running out of money, you're just so tired. But, you have to keep it together. You have to hold out just a little bit longer. As you work you see Deuce struggling, so you help him and it takes so long that you now might need to do this work for homework. So, when you're done help him you go back to your work only for Epel to need your help, so you help him, then Ace. By the time your done helping Ace class is over and you've gotten less then half the assignments done. But, it doesn't matter, you helped your friends and that feeling is the best in the world.

"Then why do I feel a bit lousy. Whatever, my friends are the best and they're the best parts of my day!" You tell yourself.

So, you got to your next class, alchemy, and get paired up with Ace and Deuce, as usual. So you keep your smile up while trying to keep Ace and Grim from fighting and thus messing up while also keeping Deuce from getting distracted. But that didn't happen, the potion made a mess while Ace and Grim were throwing each other under the bus while Professor Crewel just stares at your table. You take a deep breath and help in the clean up, but on the inside you're screaming at their stupidity. But, no matter it was only an accident and at least you get to try this potion again.

"OK, you three just hand me ingredients and read the recipe off the board and I'll do everything else," you tell them.

They complain, and Ace is upset you think he's incapable. So you tell him you just want to help out in anyway you can without having magic. That seems to work well enough and they follow your plan. By the time class is over your group has a somewhat acceptable potion. The bell rings and you all rush to lunch. You count your money and realize you only have enough for one lunch, so if you get a big one both you and Grim can split it. Then you get into line and see some poor kid is short for his lunch. So, you give him what he's missing, leaving you with only enough for one small meal, which would only be enough for either you or Grim.

"Grim needs it more then me," you tell yourself as you buy that single meal.

You and Grim sit at your normal table and you set the tray down in front of him. He digs in and you watch your friends chat and laugh, just trying to stay awake. No one asks about you not eating, almost like they don't see you. You feel so, so tired that you lay your head on the table and try to get a quick nap in. So, you close your eyes, and fall asleep to your own heart beat. It's slow, but not very strong nor very weak, just average. You don't dream of anything, all you see is darkness and a single, blinking flame the moves in sync with the beat of your heart. You run towards the light but it keeps moving further and further away as you slowly sink with each step you ta-

"MC! Wake up! Lunch is over," a voice yells.

You blink awake and see Ruggie standing over you. You yawn, rub your eyes, and get up to go to your next class. As you leave he grabs your wrist and asks you if something is wrong, and you lie, telling him that you're just a bit tired.

"Are you sure?" He asks, his tone full of worry.

"I'm sure. I just think I'll take a nap after school," you tell him.

He makes you swear a joking promise that you won't be like Leona and nap during class. You laugh and promise, rushing to class so you won't be late. Once in class it goes like thw others, you help others and you don't get much done yourself, though this time you end up agreeing to tutor some kids in your dorm. So, when the day is done a few first years come over and you spend most of the afternoon helping them the best you can. By the time they leave you are tired physically and mentally, but you have to keep your grades up so you sit at your desk and focus on nothing but finishing your homework.

"You've bee here for houuurs, how about you take a break and make some dinner," Grim says.

OK, I'llbe right there Grim," you yell back.

You drag yourself to the kitchen and make dinner, a bowl of tuna for Grim and ramen in a cup for you. You go back up to your room and to your desk to finish your homework, telling yourself you'll eat the ramen later. Later never comes as by the time you finish your homework your ramen has gone ice cold. So, you tell Grim he can have it. He eagerly digs in while you get the stuff you need for tomorrow ready. Once that's done you get ready for bed, catching your reflection in the slightly dusty mirror. Your eyes are dull with dark bags under them that stand out against the unhealthy pallor of your skin. You start to hear Vil's voice in your head, scolding you for neglecting your looks like this. Your hands tighten their grip on the sink as the voice in your head gets louder and until you swear he's in the room with you.

"JUST SHUT UP!" You scream as you throw a bottle of cleanser at the mirror.

It doesn't shatter as the bottle bounces off of it and into the sink. One of the ghosts, the skinny one, asks if you're ok. You lie and tell him you're fine. He keeps pushing because he heard you screaming. You lie again, tell him you were just tired and needed some sleep.

"If you say so," he says, reluctant to believe you.

You take a series of deep breathes, happy that the voice in your head is gone. You finish your routine and get into bed, knocking out the moment your head hits the pillow. Once your eyes are shut you see NRC in ruins as Leona's overblot runs wild, turning everyone and everything into sand. You can only watch as your friends all blow away in wind while Leona cackles and says that it's your fault for getting in his way. You try to yell back but your throat is so full of sand you can barely breath, nevermind beg. He hops down from the roof of the crumbling school and grabs your neck, laughing as you start to choke and cough up sand.

"Awwww, poor littler herbivore. Let me help you!" He says.

He grabs your neck and starts squeezing as hard as he can. Your vision goes dark before you hear a single, deafing SNAP!

You shoot up, clutching your chest and coughing. Grim wakes up slightly, asking what's wrong. You tell him you just had a bad dream and that he can go back yo sleep. With a yawn he agrees and gets back into a comfortable curl. You can't join him. All you can do is look around your dark room and get up out of bed, like you've been doing for almost two weeks now. You grab your jacket and creep down the squeaking stairs to the front door where your shoes are. You put them on, unlock the door, and walk outside. You wander around Ramshackle's slowly recovering grounds, looking at the things you and your friends have added to make it beautiful. Then you remember the dream, and as you look at the place you call home it starts to crumble into sand before your eyes. You go to touch it and are brought back to reality when you feel wood under your fingertips instead of sand.

"Maybe a walk with calm me down," you say to yourself.

You leave Ramshackle's grounds and start wandering the paved paths of Night Raven as the cool night air runs through your hair and the full moon captures you in it's light. You start to relax, just a little when you start to hear voices again, your friends, your teachers, your peers, all scolding you for somwthing you did wrong, for how you're not helping enough. You don't do anything, but stand there and listen to the voices as they call you "heartless", "lazy", "sefish", "useless", and every other hurtful name in the book. You don't try to tell yourself thw voices are wrong, because you know that deep down, the voices are probably right, maybe you are just awful and only pretending to be nice when I truth you hate them all and want to be rid of Ace, Deuce, Grim, and everyone at this school!

The gentle sounds of night birds brings you back to reality and drowns out the voices, if only for a moment. You continue walking the all too familiar paths to their ends, turn back, and go down another path to it's end, repeatign this process over and over until you've walked every path. Now, you're back where you started just as dawn's first light is dorwned out by rainclouds. You get inside, take off your jacket and shoes, and try to keep yourself busy until you have to actually get ready for school. You go up to your room and take one of the many thrift store books you've bought, a story that is basically Sherlock Holmes but mice and rats, and begin to read it. You read until your alarm goes off. You place a bookmark in your book, turn off your alarm, and wake up Grim before you go to the bathroom to get ready. He yawns and complains but you keep going, putting on your smiling mask.

"Come on, I'll make you breakfast," you tell Grim.

He smiles and gets up properly. You grab your school bag and go downstairs to kitchen, where you make breakfast for you a Grim, making sure Grim is well fed while giving yourself only a hard boiled egg and toast piece with butter. You both eat, with you focusing more on trying to stay awake, but it's hard. When plates are clean, you both leave the dorm and go to school and while Grim is well rested you're just trying not to pass out. You try to remind yourself to hold it together but the voices from last night come back so loudly that you can't hear the world around you. You stop by a vending machine and buy an energy drink, downing it in the hope that you stay awake, just like you've been doing ever since the nightmares started.

The day goes on as normal, helping others until you have no time to do your own work all while the voices keep berating you for every little thing you do and the moment, you think about venting to your friends, the voices keep saying "they have enough to worry about. You don't want to be a burden." No matter what you do the voices would stop, not as you walk to the locker rooms, or change into your gym clothes, and not even when you join your gym class on the field as Coach Vargas explains what you'll be doing, which is basically magic dodgeball. Though, it doesn't matter what the class is doing because you're so tired you're barely in the game, which is kind of annoying the more competitive memebers of your team. As you stumble out of the way of a ball you run into Jamil, hard. You two hit heads, causing him to stumble just enough to for Ace to get him out. He gets up, and you apologize and he doesn't say anything. For all you know he could just be tired or not in a talking mood, but his lack of response fuels the voices.

"Look at what you did! You got him out because you were too stupid to pay attention!"

"Are you slow or something?"

"You ruined this for him!"

"Why do you ruin everything?"

"Who would care about someone as useless as you?"

"If you helped them instead of being a fuck up maybe they would actually love you!"

The voices don't stop. At the same time your body starts to shake and your heart races. You keep standing, trying to keep steady as you dodge the balls being thrown at you but it's getting harder and harder until you eventually fall to the ground as your knees give out. You don't know how long you were out for, all you remember is waking up to Coach Vargas looking down at up from above while holding a juice box for you to drink from. You don't know what's happening, but you can hear your classmates talking and looking worried. You keep telling them you're fine.

"Bullshit! You passed out and almost cracked your head open!" Ace yells.

You try to speak but he interrupts you, laying out how you've been acting werid and everyone's noticed. Deuce steps in, then Silver, Epel, Riddle, Jack, Jade, and every one of your friends there lays out how they're worried about you and that they want you to just tell them. But you hold strong, standing up and telling them that you're fine, just a bit tired. But the group closes it, asking you to tell them what's going on and that you can tell them anything.

The day goes on, and during lunch you notice that something wet is running down your cheeks. You wipe what you think are tears or sweat, but it's not normal. The part of the sleeve you used to wipe is now stained black and in a panic you grab a napkin and scrub it off but it won't go away, so you do your best to hide it.

The next few days have the nightmares getting worse and black liquid running from your eyes and staining your clothes and anything else it touches. Your thoughts also start to drift to dark places, like when you see Crowley in the hall you start to wonder how it would feel to kill him. You think about how easy it could be, all you would need to do is ambush him and wrap you hands around his lying little neck!

"MC, you ok?" Grim asks.

"Yeah, why?" You ask.

"You're... ummm... strangling that pillow," he says, choosing his words carefully.

You let go of the pillow and laugh it off. Grim is nervous, but he doesn't say anything else. But you can't stop those thoughts, the idea to murder Crowley in his own office, beheading Riddle, drowning Leona in his own sand, getting rid of everything that's made your life hell here! But you talk yourself out of it, or you try to at least.

Your friends can tell something is wrong. You're barely eating, you look like hell, and they can see the black stains blooming on your papers, clothes, and cheeks. But you keep acting like nothing is wrong. Until one day, during Alchemy you're so tired you make a mistake and get hurt, ending up in the nurse's office. You look at your injury and start mumbling about how you deserved it, for being so dumb as to make a mistake like that. As you walk back to class you start to see things, shadows moving in ways they should. You try to ignore them but something compiles you to touch them and when you do, you hand sinks in like water. You quickly pull your hand back and run to class, unaware that everyone else just saw you touch a random wall.

When school is over ypu wander back to Ramshackle, open your door, and see all your friends crammed into your parlor, all looking worried. You ask them why they're there and Riddle takes charge, explaining that they're worried about you. You tell them you're fine but Leona cuts you off, telling you to stop lying.

"I'm not lying, guys. Come on, you know me. I've just been a little tired is all. Now, I have homework to do," you tell them.

You walk towards the stairs but Jack uses his form to block you while Vil leads you back to their makeshift intervention circle. They keep asking questions and you keep telling them that all you need is a goodnight sleep but they won't stop. They all beg and plead with you to just tell them, reassuring you that you can tell them anything and everything. You clench your fists and keep talking in a tone that sounds almost robotic as you repeat over and over that you're ok. Everyone is getting frustrated that this is going nowhere, until Kalim speaks up.

"We're worried. If somethings bothering you... You can tell us anything," he says in a gentle tone.

"It's not that easy you arrogant little... You know what, I don't have to deal with this!" You yell.

You stand up so fast you knock the chair they made you sit in over. More black liquid comes out of your eyes as you storm over to jack and order him to More. He holds firm as Kalim, Jamil, Ace, Deuce, and Ortho surround you. Trey tells you to stop running and let them help you. You turn on him and they freeze at the sight of the black liquid coming from not just your eyes, but also your nose. It doesn't move like water but oozes out like blood, falling to the floor and staining it. Grim moves closer, asking you about the blackness oozing out of you. With a smile that's cold and lifeless you tell them that they're making a big deal out of nothing and that the lack of sleep is just making your brain a bit fuzzy.

"Have I been a bit of a mess, yeah, but that's the life of a student. Sure, I made a mess in alchemy today. I've been staying up late with homework and other stuff, what teenager hasn't. I had a little bit of self doubt, that's pretty much required, it would be werid if I didn't, I mean we've all had those thoughts, right? And sure maybe I've had a few not so nice thoughts about killingcrowleyandeverysinglepersonhereinagonizinglypainfulways, but I didn't actually go through with it!"

The room goes dead silent at your admission. No one says anything because what can you say after your friend admits that they've thought about killing you and everyone else in painful ways. Looks of shock and fear are shared between your friends while the black liquid keeps oozing down your face from your eyes and nose. Grim, being brave, steps closer to you

"You... you're joking right? You're just screwing around with us, right?" He asks.

"Yeah... Yeah I'm just joking! I'm not actually serious! I mean, why would I be when it's not my place! I take care of everything while you get to joke around forever and never have to face your problems again so long as I'm here to help!" You shout, smiling but sounding like you're only one step away from madness.

Grim steps closer, saying your name. But you stop him, your tone shifting from insane to anger in a split second as you yell and stomp and throw things around, yelling about how every single one of them thinks you're the one who knows what to do, the one with the plan, the one who's always there even when it's hard! But it's not true! As the black liquid oozes faster and faster you keep shouting and screaming that every adventure you've had, every overblot you've helped fix hasn't taught you anything! You haven't learned anything from this place or the problems they have other then that you don't matter to them, that they only care about you because it means you'll help them!

"That's not true! We care about you! You love you!" Grim yells.

"You're lying! You don't love me! YOU CAN'T LOVE ME! NO ONE CAN LOVE USELESS I'M HELPING THEM! IF I WASN'T DOING THAT ALL OF YOU WOULD LEAVE ME!" You scream.

The others try to calm you down but you keep yelling and throwing things until you black out, as the black liquid stains your skin, and your friends watch in horror as it engulfs you. Overblot. This wasn't supposed to happen. You don't have magic! Why are you doing this? How are you doing this? Ace grabs Grim as the bubble of blot bursts and your giant form rips through the front of Ramshackle, marching towards the school. The teachers and students in the school and dorms see you, towering over everyone and everything. The students run and hide while the teachers and Crowley go to stop you. You friends are not to far behind, running towards your corrupted form.

When they reach you they yell for the teachers to stand down. Confused, Crowley asks why and Grim tells them that the giant monster of blot, is you. Crowley and the teachers look up with wide eyes, the kid they all saw as theirs in one way or another is now this... creature. Everyone starts trying to hold you back with magic while they yell your name and try to get ypu to hear them. All they get in response is graggled, monsterous shrieking. Grim watches with tears in his eyes, crying at seeing his best friend in this state.

"We need to reach them. We need to bring them back to their humanity! Remind them they're not alone!" Azul yells.

"You know who'd be great at that? MC!" Ace yells.

You almost crush them under your massive foot while struggling. The magic keeping you trapped is fading fast as even Crowley struggles to hold you in place. Professor Crewel tries to shrink you down to a manageable size, but you shake off his magic as if it were only a fly. Next is Sam, who tries to put you to sleep, but all that does is make you angrier. Finally, Crowley tries to enter your mind, only to be overwhelmed to the point he falls to his knees. Jack rushes over and helps left him, asking him what he saw.

"MC's not there anymore," he says, staring at the thing in front of him.

You let out a deafing scream that breaks the magic holding you and makes everyone cover their ears and drop to the ground. Malleus recovers quickly and uses his briars to try and hold you, knowing this won't work forever. As people get back up, they just stare, having no idea what to do but feeling that somewhere, deep inside the blot covered monster is you, angry, and scared at them, at yourself, at everything that's happened to you.

"I knew something was wrong. Why didn't I do something?" Ace asks under his breath.

Grim asks nervously what would happen if they can't reach you, and Crowley is frank we he says that then, the Arcane Response Unit will have to be called, and given your state they'll probably have to kill you. Tears invades the eyes of everyone when they hear that. They can't stomach the thought of you having to be killed and for what? Because you were upset? Because they didn't try hard enough? It's not fair! Ace yells that Grim should run back to Ramshackle and hide until this is over.

"No! Every time overblot stuff happens I run or they have to protect me! They're right to be angry because I never did the same for them!" Grim shouts as tears fall from his eyes.

"You didn't protect them, from us. We're the reason they're like this," Riddle said, wiping his tears.

Azul, Jamil, Leona, everyone who's overblot you had to help defeat nods in agreement. If they hadn't done the things they did them you wouldn't feel like you have to manage their feelings. Azul, sniffles and wipes his tears, saying that they're the reason MC was suffering for so long. Jamil starts sobbing, saying that it's mostly his fault your this way and Kalim, with tears of his own, starts saying it's not. Jamil argues back that he was the one who, during his overblot, planned to mind control everyone but them so they would lose everyone they ever cared about. Kalim argues that Jamil only did that because Kalim was a bad friend. Everyone else starst piling on how they're actually responsible for this mess because of what they've done to you.

"Yes! You've all fucked up! You've all hurt them! But we don't have time for this pity party bullshit! Maybe MC would care about how sad you are because they care about all of us more them they care about themselves! But they don't do that for us because they need us because the only one in this entire school and beyond who's never had MC, is MC! They're always there for us but now, we need to be there for them!" Grim shouts.

Everyone wipes their eyes, their souls full of hope. Riddle quickly takes charge, telling Professor Crewel to make him as big as you are. Professor Crewel nods and makes Riddle as large as you are while Riddle tells Crowley to lift everyone up while they get in line. You gaint form breaks through the briars and charges the group with thunderous footsteps. They all run away a bit until Malleus catches you again. Once in place Riddle, now gaint, rushes towards you and wraps his arms around you in a tight hug.

"When I fell apart you were there for me. I'm here for you now. I'm here, MC. We're all right here," he says gently.

Lilia, who was using magicbto make himself fly, zooms over to you and hugs you as best he can. Sam, Professor Crewel, Coach Vargas, and Professor Trein join in as well. Next are the tweels, and Ace, and Deuce, and everyone Crowley was lifting with his magic before he joins as well

"I'm here, baby bird. Whatever you need while your here, I'll make it happen! You hear me!" Crowley yells as tears roll down his cheeks as he remembers all the shit he's put you through.

"I know how it feels to think you're unloveable! But it's possible because you're more then worthy of love!" Vil joins in with his own tears.

One after another shares what's they feel, how they're know sorry won't fix anything but they want to help, they want to apologize for every time they treated you like a tool instead of a friend. For everything they've done that's hurt you or made you feel like you're not allowed to be human, not allowed to feelupset, or tired, or anything that means you're human! The monster that was once you starts to make noises, almost as if you can hear them. You movement slows until you're just standing there, not struggling, not attacking, just there. Riddle lets go, for only a moment to let Grim jump into his hand. Riddle carries Grim up, and places him on your head. You don't try to get rid of Grim and for moment, everything is quiet.

"MC... I should've said this a lot more often, but thank you for being my friend, for seeing the real me and I'm sorry, we all are, for making you scared to let us see the real you because we made it feel like it was your job. That's not friendship, and now, it's time we finally return the favor. We'll take care of you, the same way you take care of us," he says softly.

He curls up on his spot on your head, and starts purring. No one says anything, they just hug you tight, hoping this will work. All you can do, in this giant, monstrous form, is cry, not ink, not blot, just normal, salty tears. As the tears fall, so do chunks of hardened blot. The picese and tears crash to the ground and every hugging you can feel your form getting smaller and smaller until you're back to normal, if unconscious. Professor Crewel shrinks Riddle back down and someone checks on Grim. Once it's confirmed that he is ok, Grim curls up on your chest and purrs softly.

You open your tears filled eyes eventually and look around at all the destruction that was caused. You start to panic but Grim interrupts you by rubbing against your face. With tears still flowing you sit up and hug him close while laughing. Everyone watches, everyone's just happy your back, fixing the damage can wait.

"How do you feel?" Crowley asks softly.

"Like I wanna sleep for a week," you tell him.

In a world where the weak could only dream of dethroning the strong, and the strong overshadowing the weak; Grim was only meant to be a mere speck of dirt in the vast lands of the world, but for reasons unknown to him, you decided that the same speck of dirt is nothing but a gem in the making. A great mage in the making, to be exact. 

So, Grim decided that maybe you were worth keeping by his side. If only to have someone who would listen so attentively to his ramblings about being the best, to have someone he could share warmth with when the nights grow too cold, and lastly, to have someone he could finally consider as one of his own—a family. (though you’d never catch him saying something so corny, he’s going to become the greatest afterall!)

“Hench-human! The Great Grim has decided, you can stay by my side even if you’re weaker than me, myahahaha!”

“Is that so?” You dusted off the bed, sparing a glance at the lounging creature near you, “If the Great Grim so desires, then I shall be your ‘hench-human’ forever ‘till you get tired of lil ol’ me.” 

“Myah! Ya better be! Or else I’ll cast one of my powerful spells on ya!” 

“Yes, yes,” You nodded your head repeatedly, “this pitiful hench-human understands. Now, shall the Great Grim lay down to take his oh-so-precious sleep?”  You patted the bed and leaned to the side as Grim leaped on the bed. 

“...Are you happy, Grim?” 

“Mrah! What kind of question is that? ‘Course I am! I’m getting stronger now!” You smiled, a one so soft and affectionate just like the look in your eyes that made Grim pause. Your hand petting his head slowly made him snap out of it, normally, he’d reprimand you for it, but.. at the moment, Grim can feel himself getting drowsy as his eyes get heavier.

“I’m glad you are, because I am too.” 

Grim remembers it so clear, that was the last thing he heard before his eyes shut close and his mind went to dream land. You said you were happy, you told him that you’d be by his side. You promised, you said that promises aren’t meant to be broken—that they’re sacred things between people. 

So, why did you leave?  

Was he so annoying that you’d up and leave him the moment you got the chance to go back to your world, a world where your real family resides. (but wasn’t he your family too?)

Grim only remembers how chaotic his insides felt. He wanted to lash out to you, to everyone who abused your kindness—your softness. He couldn't, though, your last words to him before you left, he had to engrave it into his stubborn heart. 

“You’re a big boy now, Grim…and sometimes, the greatest need to stand on their own.” You slide your hand over his head, “will you do that for me, Great Grim?” 

He nodded, the only response he could make. Grim felt as if Floyd had dropped him in the freezing pool that the Octavinelle dorm has. 

“Thank you, Grim.”

A kiss to the forehead was your last goodbye to him. He wanted to chase after you, to yell at you that his hench-human can’t abandon him. But, your words echoed through the chaos within. He’ll have to suck it all up, to act brave just like before, and pretend that your departure wasn’t making his eyes teary. Still, a few drops escaped out of his eyes but your back only grew smaller, your hand won’t be wiping away the tears anymore. So, he’ll deal with it.

He’s a big boy now, after all.