my blog

It’s been a good few years since I checked up on here, but I think I’m finally feeling happy again!! I just got to spend the weekend with family! Especially with my wife ❤️.. making memories with my dad and grandson 💙💙 celebrating 40 years of marriage ❤️💙.. I need to appreciate her more! Show her how much she actually means to me ❤️

😡😡😖😖 if your not picking your scabs your creating more. And if your not doing that your pinching/grabbing your skin! Then you wonder why the fuck I sit in my iPad or iPhone playing games!!

Not needed to write for a while. Life has actually been going great... Then today it seems a little off 😔😔😔 and I don't know or understand why!! Feeling down.. Feeling insecure..

It's been one of them weeks where I've felt terrible in myself. And I don't know why or how to explain it but I have.. So when Monday came I thought great new week etc etc Only for my girl to be on late shift which she hasn't done in months and with it being my early week I thought mint time together etc Same Tuesday 😔😭 Then Wednesday happened!! She got a voicemail off a lady trying to cause us shit!! She stated that I had been seeing him again when I haven't. But Tuesday my girl started work before I finished and I cannot prove I did or was where I was etc and it hurts!! I haven't seen him outside of work since the day her dad died 😔😢 and that was by luck!! I don't like what the voicemail said because everything that was said that involved me I could easily and happily say was true or false because again I know what I have and haven't done. I'm not 100% sure my girl believes me she says she does but I just don't think she does 😔😢!! And that I know is my own fault!! But the only think that's hurt me even more then this person trying to split us up is that my girl hurt herself 😭👎🏼 I know we've both self harmed in the past and I thought that's where it was. I mean it's been months since we both did something like that.. Now I'm scared this voicemail has sent us back a few weeks!! I love my girl I really love my girl!! Suppose I'm now scared to lose her again 😔!!

Trust and truth?! You say you've left the past in the past but clearly you haven't when your searching for him on Facebook on a daily basis 😢😭!! I don't text him. I don't have him on there. I haven't seen him. If you can't let it go then please let me go because I cannot deal with your odd mood swings and how you say you've forgotten the past when in truth you haven't. And you clearly don't trust me 😭😔 my own fault I know and I am truly sorry about that 😔

I'm trying so hard to move forward to make us a better couple. Yet your constantly taking the steps backwards.. And throwing it in my face.... I can't do this I can't 😭 I'm not strong anymore!!

It's like your playing mind games with me 😒😒 and I don't know what to do.. You make me my happiest you really do! I love you so much. Your my BabyGirl 😍 You've got me all confused 😔😒

Friends. You said we could be friends. I gave him the jump leads to the car before Christmas!! Before you even found out properly about him!! Friends!! That's all I am with him. Please don't let this throw us back 😭😭😭😭😭😩

Today is my BIRTHDAY!! And my girlfriend has spoilt me rotten! Got back from Disneyland Paris technically Thursday because that's when we got home.. Then Friday I got my new iPhone 6.. Then today my BIRTHDAY I got my hair bleached colour waiting to be added.. A cover for said new phone.. All you can eat Chinese ☺️☺️☺️ a GIANT Millie's Cookie, DVDs, Grumpy mug and bowl and Minnie Mouse hot cup for work ☺️🎉😜☕️... Oh and how can I forget my Spider-Man key ring 😜😆😆. Thank you BabyGirl.. ❤️👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💕

I got told today that my uncle died, I didn't cry, I didn't feel any emotion. I'm not evil and I do have feelings. But it's making me think is it because I already knew he would because I had been told he wouldn't come back out of hospital? Or is it because I've lost so much of my emotions towards others this past year?? He was a great man thou!! RIP Uncle Courtney.. The angel have gained a great man!!

We went away last Thursday after we got out of A&E because I dislocated both of my shoulders.. I've never felt pain like it and I don't want to feel it again. However I felt as though I deserved that pain because of how shit this year has gone!! I've treated the one person who I love so much like shit! Over someone who I thought I loved so much!! But we went away to EURO DISNEY and had an amazing few days! When we got back my mum was planning our next holiday next year abroad with her and my dad, me and my girl ❤️💕 my life is so great right now... So why do I feel numb? 😭

It's my birthday tomorrow....

Once again it's thrown in my face.. I don't like surprises because apparently that meant I couldn't meet up with HIM!! I've not liked surprises since forever! He has nothing to do with it!! 😢😢😢 I'm trying to let go and you pull him straight back into it..

But you just don’t understand and I can’t tell you because it’ll break you 😢😢😢

Please give me strength to keep my mouth shut because if you don't I'll be going to prison for murder..

And you’ve just done it again to me!! I hate days when I feel shit and you just make me worse!! I don’t need your shit to deal with too but nope I’m not allowed to be myself.. Happy Stacey from now on then maybe you won’t be shit with me too…..

I don't want to be stuck in a house where a 23 year old MAN is treated like a baby!! Grow up and grow some balls you pathetic BOY!!