Severus Snape

“Oh.” Bertram made a mistake. That was forgivable, wasn’t it? It’s been almost a year since they last rubbed elbows or anything for that matter. Maybe even more. “Right, of course. How can I forget…” He could because they never really talked to each other. Not in any way that they’ll get to know each other at least. When Snape seemed to forgive him for forgetting, Bertram immediately jumped on it, even cutting Snape off. “Yeah, it has, hasn’t it?”

Only then did Snape seem to realize who he was. Bertram’s second realization struck him almost as hard as the first one. Snape didn’t even recognize who he was right away. Bertram forced himself to smile. “Of course, you didn’t recognize me sooner. You’re not really the kind to listen to my music, are you?” Despite his forced bravado, Bertram shifted his weight from foot to foot, unsure where this interaction would lead.

Bertram was attractive as ever, and apparently Severus was just as awkward. The nostalgia began to stir inside him, but they were quickly dampened. Snape could feel the heat of embarrassment hit the back of his neck. It should have been all too obvious that he was not the best at handling these types of situations. He was too uncomfortable, not confident in what he was saying, or how he was saying it. This is what happened when he let himself care. He really needed to work on not allowing that anymore...

“Someone’s gonna have to pay for that!”

After the long and rather annoying argument he had between the owner and the woman, he was ready to go home. It had been a long day at work, this trip had been more stress than it was worth and--

Severus wanted to look away, pretend he didn’t see anything, but it was too late. They’d already made eye contact. They were probably only a yard away from each other. There was no avoiding it.

Name someone you’ve hurt. Do you regret what you’ve done?

Have you ever ruined something good? Like a friendship, a good day, a possession, something sacred?

Talk about a traumatizing memory.

Snape’s eyes narrowed, and it was clear that the cogs in his head were turning. There was no way he would be revealing the true depth of everything from this small conversation. In a rather diplomatic tone, he spoke, “I very rarely regret anything I’ve done. You might be surprised to hear, but I usually do things with intention, unlike...many. Who hasn’t said something hurtful, now and again? I shall admit, I’ve lost a great deal of important people to in-depth arguments, clashing values, and...shall we say, immature outbursts? I shan’t disclose the guilty party, however I can say the name of one person I was...disappointed to have lost... Lily.”

“I thought it would be obvious,” he spoke lowly, eyes not even attempting to hide the annoyance in his expression. “You see, the way he always followed Potter’s lead, I imagined that after years of playing henchman, he might finally attempt to go out on his own and establish himself as a ruffian of sorts... Interestingly enough, it doesn’t appear he’s broken off in that way, either. I suppose some people are destined only to follow others...”

Severus’s eyes darted downwards, even if only for a split second, as he thought it over. “I thankfully don’t have much experience with such a thing. Not so far as possessions go... Although, I suppose there are some things in the world we hopelessly long for and may never possess. Isn’t it so?” His eyebrow raised slowly, sizing up his answer against the one who asked. At last, he sighed, face unmoving. “Fine. A charmed pocket watch that I had as a child. My father took it.” There was obviously much more to be said, but he looked finished talking about the subject.

Severus smirked crookedly, intrigued by the question. “Although Potter had a knack for... shall we say, being an arrogant buffoon? Yes, let’s go with that... Although that knack was quite great, he did not manage to bring all of his closer friends down to his level. I do not mind Remus, for example. I merely take issue with the company he chooses to keep.”

His jawline clenched uncomfortably.

No one ever paid him any mind during events like these. Perhaps he had resigned himself to the fact, or maybe it was even by design to keep eyes off of him lurking in the shadows of the ballroom, or sitting at empty tables lining the walls. Severus watched all the onlookers craning their necks to see those dancing in the center. It didn’t interest him, though - not really. His mind was more preoccupied with how late he might stay out, what time he needed sleep, what time his next shift started. He didn’t have the attention to waste on the foolish activity going on around him.

At least, until he spotted her out of the corner of his eye.

She was standing there in a magnificent gown, eyes darting about the room as though she were searching for a familiar face--

The brightest smile flashed at him as she waved, like she wanted his attention. Her lips mouthed the name, “Severus!” as her voice was drowned out by thunderous applause while the last song came to a close. He found himself standing, shuffling around chairs, trying to meet her halfway.

She was beautiful.

His smile reflected hers now as his hands reached out. She gripped them delicately, and his pale cheeks warmed at her touch. He leaned in to talk over the music--

“You look stunning!”

She was already leaning away, pulling him to the crowd, towards the dancers. His instinct was to hesitate, but there was no time. He couldn’t back down in the face of an opportunity like this - not when he’d hoped for it for so long. Without so much as a glance backwards, he caught up to her and they walked - momentarily hand-in-hand - to the center of the ballroom. Her arms snaked around his shoulders; his hands found her waist. Their feet moved rather gracefully, to the point that Severus was surprised with himself. Although, it was fair to say that she had that effect on him. He often wanted to be better for her.

“I’ve missed you--” he started to say.

“Leave me alone.”

The voice didn’t come from her, but it was definitely her voice. The music had stopped. He glanced around to realize everyone was frozen, staring at him. That is, everyone except for the woman in front of him. She was out of reach and looked anywhere else but at him. 

“Wait- I didn’t mean it to--” He stepped forward and dozens of wands rose from dress robes in the blink of an eye. He froze, unable to move forward. She stared at the ground in anger and disgust, disappointed tears obviously burning her eyes.

“Lily!”

All the guests at this ball had suddenly turned to dementors. He wasn’t in the ballroom, no... he was in Azkaban.

Severus shot up in bed, feeling his heart pound in his chest. He tried to calm down, reminding himself it was only a dream. There was no need to react this way.

Except it wasn’t Azkaban that had him reacting so severely. It was her. It was the look on her face, the hurt in her eyes.

help i’m new and don’t know what i’m doing