This Is Where The Scientists Did Experiments On Me

last night i made a genuine, concerted effort to put a copy of george orwell’s animal farm up my ass

I wear a bulletproof vest when I blog in case somebody shoots me. I’ll just brush off the bullet and get back to posting.

what if they shoot you somewhere other than your torso

If some knucklehead tries that I’ll write a callout post about it when I get back from the hospital. See how they like that.

Pee Your Pants You Feckless Little Monarch

That’s not a question also that’s not very nice.

Please

Please

Please Respond You Little Fool

Why should I you’re not very civil

Ok Ok … RASPECTFULLY… Please Just Pee Your Pants

coffee drinker: would u like a cup of coffee? me: no thanks,  coffee drinker: oh you don’t drink coffee? me: well, i- coffee drinker: i can’t get enough of the stuff. i am always itchin’ for me next fix. i love a nice hot cup of joe, i even drink it black as well. the stronger the coffee the more i enjoy it. i consume more cups daily of it than most people, which is how much i enjoy coffee 

im the coffee drinker

no sport is as hedonistic as golf, a game designed around the existance of acres of nothing but grass that has to be meticulously regulated. the players get enjoyment knowing land is wasted for the sake of their Ball Putt Game. and they don’t just let anyone fuck the holes, either.