I’m not sure if this will reach you, though I’m hoping it will. I just wanted to show my utmost gratitude to you. If you don’t remember by the username (which I don’t blame you if you don’t), I was the one who donated and wrote to you about thanking you for saving my life and how I wanted the PMA tattoo in your Detroit YouTube stream on 6/26/1. When you read my message out loud and I saw the genuine thankful look on your face, I started bawling. But they weren’t tears of sadness, it was tears of joy, which I haven’t experienced in a very long time.

The character limit for those types of messages are 200, and I understand why, but I couldn’t fully explain to you everything I wanted to. However, on here, I can explain to you more in depth about what you’ve done for me.

I have been watching your YouTube videos since the log cabin times. Back when your intro was “Hello, all you beautiful people!” That was in 2013(?) I was 15 or 16, I think, when I found you. Also around that time is when I found out that I have very bad anxiety and depression. (Thanks genetics!) This began affecting me to the point of having to drop out of high school for a year to cope with everything going on with my mind. I also started self-harming around this time. Your videos were always what I went to when I was sad, alone, or was in the middle of an attack and/or breakdown. They always managed to make me smile and laugh, and usually stopped me from harming myself. I used to, and actually still do to this day, use your videos to help me sleep because hearing your voice makes me feel like I’m not alone.

Even with all of that, this year has still felt like it’s been the worse mentally-wise for me. I have been fighting with myself to try to stay alive, especially in these last few weeks. A constant feeling of being a failure and a disappointment looms in my chest, and the only thing that has stopped me from self-destructing has been your videos. I have been so fucking close to just ending it all multiple times, pills clutched in hand, but I always think about how happy you make me, and how if I were to go, I wouldn’t be able to see what new videos you post and I’d never be able to meet you or maybe even become a friend of yours (doubtful but I still keep my hopes up). So, I just click onto your videos and instantly get this calm, warm feeling of hope.

There are honestly no words I can formulate to tell you how grateful I am of you. If it wasn’t for you, I would be gone. This is why I want a tattoo that says PMA. I need more of it, and I need to remind myself that I deserve it, because I never think I do. I want to be able to look down at my arm, and not just see scars and regret and how I’ve disappointed everyone by doing what I’ve done. I want to be reminded that I need to have PMA and I need to remind myself to stay positive, even when things are looking grim.

Thank you so much, Sean, for everything you do.