I am enough the way I am

when i figure out how to die without hurting my mom’s feelings it’s over for me, bitches

it takes me like 3 days to wake up in the morning

oh my god

fucking fandom references

WHAT FANDOM? THE JESUS FANDOM?

THEY PREFER THE TERM CHRISTIANITY

This is the post that killed me

IT GOT BETTER

A while back I heard my friend (male) insult another dude by saying, “You look like the kind of guy who wouldn’t go to Wal-Mart to buy his girlfriend a box of tampons” and I still think about that crowning insult sometimes

My dad once called another guy “someone who thinks loading the dishwasher once in a while makes him less of a man”

I like your dad already

just saw the words “did rasputin do something problematic, i thought he was just russias greatest love machine” and that is just an incredible, incredible sentence. i want you to imagine explaining that to an early 20th century russian citizen. just fantastic.

I’m gonna apply for a job at Gordon Ramsay new restaurant and I’m gonna get it

I submitted my application and resume

I GOT THE FUCKING INTERVIEW

My interview is in a few hours. I got this but wish me luck

I GOT THE FUCKING JOB

reblog for good luck

what’s the mood… for april?

probably my favorite thing abt being a millennial is that i can lie on my resume abt shit like being proficient in excel bc i have the common sense to just google anything i dont know how to do which gives me a giant fucking edge over gen x in the job market bc somehow that strategy never occurs to employers and my underqualified ass looks like steve jobs every time i use a youtube tutorial to make a spreadsheet

top tier search skills: finding the source of a rare meme

Alexa release the serotonin

This is an old god, sleeping

he not asleep he just taking a long sip

take a fucking sip, mortals

Straight men who always joke about hating their girlfriend are so fucking weird like imagine having a girlfriend and not treasuring and loving her every day smh grow up

“treasuring” and “loving” your girlfriend will result in her quickly leave you. Girls HATE guys who treat them like goddesses. They view it as pathetic and weak.

Reblog to save life 

You know what absolutely boggles my mind? That healthy people exist. Genuinely healthy people. No mental illness, no physical illness, no chronic illness. Just healthy. What a life that must be.