ephemeral

grief is so crazy like what if i forget what her laugh sounds like. does she know i loved her. i miss her so much. i catch myself doing things she used to do. i wish i could call her. i miss her so much. i do a crossword puzzle. i cry while washing the dishes. does she know i loved her? my heart feels like a hummingbird. i miss her so much. what if i forget what her laugh sounds like. what if i forget.

i talked ab this feeling in therapy yday and my therapist asked me, “would it really be so bad if your memories changed? if they softened and faded or looked different over time? why does that frighten you so much?” and i said, “i don’t want the love to disappear.” and she looked at me for a long moment and then she said, “it won’t. it doesn’t work that way. even if the memories soften or change, it doesn’t mean the love does. that love keeps going backward in time, forever, because you love her still. all is not lost.” i just thought i would share that in case it resonated w anyone else too.

My Milkshake Man did not bring the voters to the yard??

The duality of man is thinking “children cannot help themselves and we all need to be patient with them as they explore what it means to be human in public” and also “damn, I wish this crying baby was not on the plane rn :/“

Just as courage is not the absence of fear but doing the brave thing in spite of it, patience is not the absence of irritation but doing the kind thing in spite of it.

my parents trying to figure out what to get me for christmas

I think dudes who say shit like “I couldn’t love a child that wasn’t mine” shouldn’t have kids

“I could never be a stepdad because I could never love another man’s child” another man’s child? not your hypothetical wife’s child? you look at a kid and see another man’s fuck trophy instead of seeing a human being? I’m not sure you could successfully be a parent to your own biological child

girlhood this girlhood that. woman you are 26

I got a message about how this is supposedly mean. I am holding your hand when I say that refusing womanhood and clinging onto girlhood will not save you from the realities of adulthood. I am not saying you are not young. 26 is incredibly young. you are free to love the concepts and media associated with girlhood but there is much to love about womanhood that you are not seeing. there is something to be said for being free of the shackles of girlhood and childhood. you are an autonomous being. you have power over your life and the paths you will take. it is easier to see the paths when you start taking yourself seriously instead of waiting for others to do so. no one is saying you have to be serious. womanhood is joy too. a different shade of yellow

eating pastries is so humiliating cause you'll be having the time of your life having it and then when you're finished you look down and you're covered in flakes and sugardust like fuuuck now everyone is going to know i'm a messy pastry whore

need a polite way to say "im not engaging in a discussion on this topic with you because the conclusions you have reached are based on so many interwoven layers of misconceptions it would be easier to just like, hard reset your whole brain, just start over as a baby and try again"