Chekov is claustrophobic, so be mindful if he starts screaming for help.

We here at The Collective™️ pride ourselves for our hospitality, with that being said,

Don’t be a Chekov! Stay hydrated, members of The Collective™️!!

Chekov’s sexuality is a mystery, but he wanted to show his support and his love for every single member of The Vents™️ by wishing you all a Happy Pride!

Our leader is currently sporting pendants for the two of us running this account.

He’s been following Spock for two days singing, “Be who you are for your pride.”

We don’t know either.

Us here at The Collective™️ would like to wish you all a Happy Saturday! We have been quite busy with our work on the Enterprise. We have been testing some new forms of communication with you, our loyal followers. We have enjoyed observing your recent engagement with us and hope to continue our ……..tests. We would also like to extend our sincerest apologies to you all for Chekov’s failure to provide a Song of the Week. Uhura safely returned the artifact to him but Chekov was unaware of the fact that the item contains an ancient power source (a lithium battery).

We told him this, he just wasn’t listening. Anyway, Chekov came clambering into the vents yesterday hysterical with his bowl cut unbrushed. He once again disrupted our quarterly slime meeting. We don’t know how this keeps happening. He begged for our help and we provided him with the USB charger we tried to give him in the first place but he said he “didn’t need”. No one ever listens to us. We did not however provide Chekov with any information on how to use the charger. It has taken him a week to figure out what an outlet is and where to find one. He’s still working on how to get the charger and artifact to connect. We can only hope he’ll have figured it out by next week.

Anyway, we hope you all enjoy the remainder of the weekend. We will be back with more intel from The Vents™️ shortly 👀

The weeks we have spent in your presence as we have welcomed you all to our humble abode, we couldn't help but wonder something. Inpsiration struck when we heard Jim ask us this question multiple times over the last few days as we've been following him trying to learn his new schedule he created in an attempt to throw us off: "What do you want!?" What do we want? We know what we want. World domina- World peace... The question is, our dear vent patrons:

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MORE OF FROM US?! WHAT DO YOU WANT!? And look! It's your favorite! A POLL!!!!

The Chekov freaks love a poll!

We have been made aware of a recent development within the Enterprise.

Late last night, maybe around 3 AM, Chekov came to us during our ritual slime making session. He was troubled. He spoke of being plagued with knowledge. Knowledge our ancient artifact bestowed upon him. He felt no one (besides us) understood the gravity of what the artifact has shown him. Seeing his distress, we suggested he share the artifact with others aboard the ship. Start with someone he trusted; who would appreciate the archaic teachings of what they would find. Later that day Chekov told us he gave the artifact to Uhura. We felt this was, for once, a smart choice. We told Uhura she would need to share her findings with us, though. Now, we bestow upon you, followers of The Collective ™️, Uhura’s Song of the Week! We present to you all: Venus by Lady Gaga

I also offer you all my personal favorite remix of this song — J

Uhura found her sound to be quite hypnotic; we hope you feel the same, collective.

We’ll see you all shortly 👀

We hope those of you who recently had a long weekend made the most of it! Jim kindly granted us an extended shore leave (he needed a break from us, so the vents say) and we were making the most of it. We spent hours on the beach teaching Chekov how to play mermaids (he claims this was invented in Russia……we doubt it). We also got Spock to build a sand castle with us! We did most of the work, though. He just stood there and told us our design was architecturally unstable, whatever that means. We monitored the results of last weeks poll closely. We always find your choices fascinating, followers of the collective. We have enjoyed observing your ways of thinking as a species. There will be more polls in the future. We require more information on your kind. Anyway, we apologize for our absence but we have returned to The Vents ™️ and we will be with you all shortly 👀

Hail, loyal subjects of his Lordship Chekov! We have come to an impasse within the vents. And our leader has requested your aid in the matter.

The artifact with which we have bestowed upon Chekov has shown him much. Vast knowledge once thought lost. It has consumed his mind, and he finds himself unable to select just one shred of knowledge to share with you all this week.

Despite much deliberation amongst the three of us, we were unsuccessful in our bidding. We now must turn to you, our steadfast followers.

We ask you this, realm: what song should be Chekov’s Song of the Week?

As always, we deeply value your feedback and appreciate your continued support of our…..mission. We look forward to seeing your decision, Chekov Nation!

We’ll be back shortly 👀

We would like to start this post by thanking everyone who has contributed to our asks so far. They have been thoroughly entertaining and we appreciate all of your interest in our daily lives aboard this vessel. All of the glitter offerings have also been very appreciated.

As a reward, we have decided to answer the most burning question of all that we all know you have been waiting for. How does Chekov fall into this lore exactly? How did we choose him as our leader? Is his hair real?

Let us tell you...

✰✶✩✧✷★ It all started on a very normal day as a matter of fact. Operations aboard the Enterprise were going swimmingly. The crew really started to warm up to us, embracing us. They began believing they were doing us a favor by keeping us alive and not the other way around. Jim and Spock had even ceased their attempts to abandon us after every mission. Our skills and endless knowledge proved valuable to them after all. We also began to expand our outreach to other members of the crew. Our continued weekly tests with Bones, Spa nights with Uhura and Nurse Chapel where our new friend Scotty would even join us some nights. Everything was going according to plan. Until this one particular morning. The air shifted in the vents. We woke knowing something was off. And it wasn't the fact that Spock was acting especially enticing with his fits of rage. It was the fact there was a new specimen sitting on the bridge. And that specimen was HIM.

At first, we didn't know what to make of him. Who was he? Was his accent even real? What was that thing on his head? We had to investigate immediately. We didn't even bother making ourselves known through pleasantries, we got straight to work. Crawling over him, making sure the thing on his head wasn't trying to suck his brain out or would become a threat to Jim and Spock in the future, we even banged his head on the console a few times just to make sure he was real. What was he? How did he manage to captivate us in such a short amount of time? It must be witchcraft. We spent a few days trying to uncover the truth about him. No matter how many times we were thrown around the ship while they were navigating back and forth to Vulcan or not Vulcan or how many times Spock yelled at us, we couldn't be shaken. We became familiar with his routine, watched him from the vents, learned his name and his occupation. Every time he told us to go away in that silly accent of his, it became more and more enduring. A hex. He was powerful. Too powerful.

It was clear that we could be easily overtaken by his level of prestidigitation. The only option we had was to create an alliance with him so he wouldn't defeat us. We couldn't let Chekov know how quickly we were effected by him. AND BOY, WERE WE.

We ceased our interrogation of him and instead began a new tactic. Befriending him. Letting him in slowly into who we were and even gifting him slime as a show of goodwill. He would be a formidable ally, indeed... Also after these events, we were informed by Bones that we had missed a very pivotal moment in Jim and Spock's relationship during our endeavors. Swearing to us that he had seen them rolling around in the sand together, something about Spock smiling at Jim, something about the potential of them having been bonded after Spock's heat? We know he's lying though. We couldn't have missed that.

We know all. ✰✶✩✧✷★

IT’S FRIDAY! REJOICE!

Which means it’s that time once again for us to share what Chekov has selected for his Song of the Week!

This one was a bit of a happy accident that occurred after our karaoke night last week, where Uhura dared us to sing this song which has since resulted in show tunes being banned from the Enterprise and any future karaoke dates.

This song moved Chekov to tears.

He’s cried himself to sleep listening to it every night.

We can hear him screaming it in the sonic shower after his shifts.

Chekov’s Song of the Week is Memory from Cats.

We had a doc installed in his console which was a mistake because the first moment the bridge had any peace, he decided it would be a good idea to force everyone to listen to it.

Jim will never admit it, but we saw a single tear in his eye before he stole Chekov’s artifact and has since “hidden” it somewhere in Spock’s quarters for safe keeping and says we can have it back next Friday. (It’s under Spock’s mattress. It took us under a minute to find it.)

We’ve been letting Chekov use our PADD (we will never learn our lesson.) where he’s been watching this video endlessly. He’s learning the blocking. He asked us to share it with you.

We hope you enjoy and wish you well on your Friday ventures.

The Collective will be back presently with more updates from the The Vents™️.

We have officially reached over 50 followers! HUZZAH!

⋆⭒˚.⋆🪐 ⋆⭒˚.⋆

We’re so pleased to have you here and partake in these shenanigans with us. There are so many of you in The Vents™ with us now we’re going to have to expand soon! (We’ll get Chekov on this immediately. We need to clear out some of Jim’s ripped shirts we’ve been hoarding anyway).

In celebration of our growing community, we wanted to do something we have never done in our existence.

In all of our time circling through the universe we have wanted to remain mysterious.

Unnoticed.

An enigma, if you will.

Now, we think it is time to open our communications and interact with the beings who have joined our ranks, and who love Chekov just as much as we do.

✮ OUR ASKS ARE NOW OPEN!!! ASK US ANYTHING ABOUT OUR TIME ON THE ENTERPRISE, THE VENTS™ OR EVEN JUST WHY WE ARE THE WAY THAT WE ARE! Please send us any submissions and we will be answering them throughout the week! (Or if you’d like to get up close and personal, send us a private message to our PADD. Don’t be shy…) ✮

We have the best of the best monitoring submissions (…it’s Chekov.) and we look forward to your inquires!

The Collective will be with you shortly…

Happy Friday to all who celebrate! As promised, we come bearing news from our dear leader. His lordship Chekov has selected his Song of the Week.

Chekov has carefully selected Stole My Heart by One Direction. We think this one will be a realm hit!

We’re currently planning a One Direction dance party for tonight at 9 PM on the bridge. Scotty is currently pasting our hand drawn flyers throughout the ship. Jim is worried he can’t pull off skinny jeans like Harry (no one can). We’ll be back next week with more tales from The Vents™️ and Chekov’s next Song of the Week!

Us at The Collective™️ just wanted to pop in and wish you all a happy almost-end-of-the-week! We enjoyed seeing everyone’s responses to our recent poll. We were personally rooting for the flame horse, but the public has spoken. The Russian horse takes it. Tomorrow is Friday which means Chekov will be sharing his next Song of the Week with you all! So keep your eyes peeled for that in the evening 🌟🌙

Again, thank you all so much for your continued support of our incredibly niche and not totally explainable corner of the internet. We’ll be celebrating in a fun way when we hit 50 followers! 🎉

See you very soon 👀