The sky will smile if you smile

You’re still here,

And everywhere.

Let me go,

You felt like home.

How are you? Are you doing well?

Do you think of me too?

Funny I’m still here.

I will miss her but;

I also thank you, for breaking that girl.

She now knows more than just loving others,

It still hurts, it still twists my heart, not everyday anymore but in flashes and that’s the terrifying thing. I’ve let go, I’ve moved on, I’m in a good place yet your actions still terrorise my present.

I get flashbacks when I see things that remind me of her, I get flashbacks to moment you talked about her and I wonder if how and why I didn’t pick it up all the signs back then. It was all there.

Her shoes, walking her back to her room, hiding her. “We are just friends, I would never like her, she’s like a man, she’s messy with her relationships.” “I resisted to go in” … you resisted, so you had the temptations so early on?

Maybe I trusted you with all I had; trusted you too much, too simply, too naively.

Do you remember, you wanted to be with me and show me what a good guy should be like and how I should be treated?

I do wonder why and how you could have the heart to do that to me. You really hurt me, you really did, you have literally scarred me.

I’m scared to trust, love and give again. I gave you my most purest and innocent parts of me. A part of me, that I can only give once in my life and never get back again. It’s as if that innocent level of love has been broken, tainted…

The night it ended, do you remember how and why? You kept calling me a bitch because of this girl. You weren’t willing to tell me the name of this girl you were comparing me with. You called me a bitch, over and over again because of this girl.

I wonder how you could… let your eyes wander, let your heart loose like that. How could you do that to the girl who not only would but does give everything she has to you. Was it worth it?

Was it worth it? Was it worth losing someone who loved you, supported you, cared for you, through every moment. Someone who was commited, someone who loved your family as their own, someone who loved you, so, so, so, much.

My unconditional love for you.

Are you well? I wonder if I come to your mind too?

You used to be my rock and my everything. I’m learning how to live without my rock. I’m getting there but it is hard.

You weren’t just my boyfriend, you were my rock, my comfort, my security, my hiding space, my joy, my hope, my future, my love.

Losing you is not too different from losing a large part of me too.

Does she know how to draw on your back? Are you able to fall asleep on her lap? Does she love your family as her own? Does she love you?

I will keep going, I have become a lot stronger now. I’ve had to. I think you’ll be very proud of me if you saw how hard I’ve worked and how far I’ve come.

The mature girl you wanted? The girl who knows what she wants? I’m her now.

I’m still the girl with the kind heart, I will still ask if the guy in the wheelchair if he needs help. I won’t stop being that girl no matter how hard life hits. I will not lose the kindness and purity in me. I will still chase sunsets, I will still get distracted by dogs, il still be playful and adventurous.