I Know That Smile

I completed the circle Anxiety hits Trying to be neat To Be clever But that was never The outcome Struggling with how To say goodbye Seeming unmoved And untouched But quite the opposite Finding myself Exposed This wasn’t Clear cut Not knowing what But knowing This success Not leaving But retooling Writing more Instead of Looting pity For every word Never tapped I don’t have To live in a Constant what if Cycle finished It’s been said And it’s been done Always more exploring Always more building Always more writing

I sleep With the thought Of you And the next time We meet That I’ll be Rainbows, unicorns And magical starships Unfathomed You Gasping for air Incoherent sentence structure Struggling to say hello But smile spills out All I need to know And we just go from there Story book fairy tales beware

I ran the race My shoes fit I lifted my leg Increased my stride Breathed hard And finally Felt alive Amen

Nearing the end And my intent Is to finish strong But blood pumps And struggle To keep moving along Almost there Almost there I Make promises With my legs Only five more feet After this You can rest But don’t stop Don’t let the other 9 miles get to your head Just keep on Cross the finish line strong

On a quest for legends I satisfy with a sentence But this is my mistake Why settle When the world Offers to elevate If you rise To the challenge Forgoing sleep, Comfort and finer things The world Will make a step Building stairs To greatness When you think You can no longer climb The world will embrace you And you’ll free fall Into Gods good graces

I feel weak But that is not What I am I stopped premature Whinnying that My legs could no longer That my brain could no longer That my soul could no longer Continue in such a manner Blatantly lies For I had before continued Greatness requires No quitting No stopping No yielding To doubts But persistent faith That if I thought I could I can And will Belief rewake That I am not weak Anchoring might Watering persistence Harvesting strength Yanking out weeds Of inconstancy I woke up early I’m not weak Greatness lives inside me Remember remember Failures make winners

I was never that thirsty I asked you for water To touch your attention So that we could meet Unable to explain That I weep Just the same Because I hear you From the street But waves of shame And insecurity stop me From showing my flaws Because damaged goods Aren’t good at all Or at least that’s the image way to unopened Way to unlovable Way to unhuggable To be accepted Every ones got scars But we all just cover it up I have been slammed Before by drunks For sipping at communion So my shields Know better then just Letting you in When you’re so unknown I hoped to resurrect Some part of youth When we fell But were unafriad I was never that thirsty I asked you for water In hopes of inacting Some silent prayer That you would be My friend forever And hold me In an ocean That I don’t know How to swim

Lying on the bed And pondering history And people’s journeys And reasons why We don’t speak are mind When there is such a huge Shortage of time Even dumb thoughts What’s the use of Locking them inside All words and actions Are reflections And visions Of you existing here

Call it religion Call it belief Call it ethics As much as I wanted to dissolve In the man Like sugar Going into water I just couldn’t I couldn’t dissect Pieces of my soul Snatching out All of the controversial Leaving myself In pieces And trusting This man No, This boy To make me Whole Stir all you want But somethings Are insoluble And I will never Dilute No matter How cute His eyelids Batter Call it giving up Call it breaking up Call it splitting up But I can’t stay When I know This won’t sit well And sure you look good But I just have To look further Then just What’s in the neighborhood

He promised to runaway When the money Got good When the obligations Had stopped And the fear Had left He promised Just like he had before Dead set On making good He promised To arise When the moons Aligned And the river Held its tide And the sand Stayed put Never realizing That no one ever has it That good Maybe he couldn’t Runaway But he definitely Could increase His chances If he did more Then just stay put One step Edging closer Distance Getting shorter Grasping goals Without proper Order

I slept on the floor But I thought what do I do it for I would sleep in a cave next to a mont of sheep If that would drive success futher

I hoarded everything So that memories Would stay forever But holding on to so much Only left me With more anger and pain Drifting over priceless trash Unable to create Only reaching For old glory days And forgetting The present that Still remained

My flight was delayed She left And I stayed She left earlier But I couldn’t help And compare I stayed stranded And some how she Had managed To go somewhere Fate was keeping me from I felt despair And convinced myself I was missing out And I burned myself And I scorned myself with thoughts Like these Poisoning thought streams Crushing positivity So possessed With the fact She made it there I struggled With blessing of delays The empty plane The more room for space The more time to figure out What I wanted Not having to wander Aimlessly like most foreigners due Never taken in the miracles Completely and till I landed And fully realized The blessing I had taken for granted A delay Is not the end destination Just a practical Self revaluation

My inner critic speaks My eye lids dip I try and stay positive And I wander a bit Rebuilding Roads that have already happened And I struggle to stop construction Because you can’t build For behind If all you Want is to move forward

I stall I ask questions When I hit a wall Because sometimes Possibilities Are scary Especially when there bottomless And when you have hit Bottom before You don’t trust Sure things You don’t trust Your instincts You dip your toe So many times in the water The coldness Doesn’t matter And you’re afraid That even if you swam Some magic tide pool Would pull you in And you would sink But you’re not So stop flighting And start fighting Because deep inside you There is much more Then a girl stalling A mighty warrior lives Inside her

Some days I fall And I land on my back And have to crawl But I’ll make it I’m getting there some day Building dreams Out of paper

Exhausted Space for new works Trying fix old works Lying on the bed Contemplating rest Because time Seems to be Not your friend When you have all these ideas Percolating in your head Trying to make 5 seconds A ten minute rest Because time is too precious To spend it all in bed And again I remind myself That sleep lost Is not always a loss It just depends On what coming out Sweet dreams Or sweet success