I have fallen in love with a new person, someone completely different from Bobby. He's open and fun and generous and expressive and likes to take care of me, he wants to talk for hours and spend as much time as possible with me. He wants to make me a part of his life. We're also extremely compatible, sexually and that's been incredible to experience.
But I still think about Bobby. I don't miss him or our relationship but I have all this anger and hurt at how he treated me. All the ways he belittled me and manipulated me and withheld his affection from me. All the lies and betrayal. I thought that I would have moved on by now. Why do I still care? I mean I don't want to get back together with him, not one speck of me wants that. But why is all this anger coming out now, when I'm moving on romantically and sexually with someone else? Someone who treats me 1000 percent better than Bobby. And I have my friends who I love so much and my job and school and Sammy. I feel like my heart is so full of people and things and creatures I love and who give me purpose and enrich my life. And yet, I'm still a bit focused on this awful man.
Maybe in finding someone who treats me well, I am seeing how easy it is. I'm realizing that Bobby actively chose how to treat me, and a lot of the time he chose to mistreat me. And even when he was sweet and caring to me it was probably just to manipulate me and lovebomb me. Nothing about him or our relationship was genuine. I'm just mad that he treated me so poorly and doesn't care and will continue to be an asshole to women, I am sure. Where is the justice? Can I at least scream at him for an hour or two? I feel like he got off so unscathed. Fuck him. And also I want to let this anger go, but how?
Also, I don't know how things will work out with Fabrizio and more and more I am realizing I don't need a relationship to be happy. I am happy on my own. But on the other hand getting to know him has been fun and he makes me feel emotionally safe, in a way that no man ever has before. But I don't want to put him or this relationship on a pedestal or any man or relationship on a pedestal. I just want to have fun haha
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