Going coco-NUTS w(7)
False spring has come again. It's nice and warm, and they're selling coconuts on Belmont. I got one, drank the water, cracked it open against the floor, and ate its flesh. Something about it felt primal. I walked around the city ripping apart this thing with my bare hands and my teeth.
Hand to mouth. My friend made a joke, she said it twice or thrice. Something about how I was going cocoNUTS. It was funny, but I wasn't laughing. I was too locked in on this coconut.
The white flesh. The slightly sweet flavor. I could see myself on an island, abandoned with no one in sight. The only way to survive was to eat coconuts or hunt, but I'm a vegetarian, so I guess my only option is to eat coconuts.
The smell was coconutty, but not overwhelmingly so. I wasn't reminded of sunblock. I was reminded of something more natural. The ocean crashing onto the shore. The abrasive action that builds the soft sands under our feet. Softness coming from something so violent and deadly.
A lot of things are like that, honestly. Abrasion creates softness. Heartbreak creates strength and stoicism. It's funny how things flip into their opposites, almost like they're connected even though they're completely different. You can only hate someone you once loved.
I think about that a lot, how anyone I've ever hated has been someone I momentarily cherished. That reminds me not to hate them, but rather to wish them well in any state. Of course, that doesn't happen so easily, and instead, the hate and the love sort of just wash away into neutrality. Maybe that's what happens with the ocean, waves grind away at the earth till there's empty space, sand settles at the shore. What was once there has been transformed and diffused elsewhere. Who was once in my heart has changed, and their memories are kept somewhere far from where they once were.















