We started off so nice. Just pure, casual fun. Falling into a friendship, hard and fast. But it worked. It felt right. We could joke about so many things and we were so comfortable with each other. We continued down that path for months. You telling me you wanted more, me unsure of what I wanted. Then, one day, I decided. I decided you were what I wanted. Unfortunately, not long after that, you decided getting drunk and kissing somebody else was the next step. Heartbroken that after disclosing to how scared I was of that exact situation happening to me, you made it happen. Then, I forgave you as much as I could. I don’t know why. There was a part of time that I had fallen so deeply for you that it was easier than saying goodbye. That was the first time you told me you loved me. As we progressed forward, we continued to grow, but, I still had trouble looking past the lies and cheating. I worked so hard, and then I felt I loved you. So I told you. Then, months later you rip my heart out telling me you don’t love me, that you don’t think you’re capable of loving me. This made question if you ever truly meant it when you said it, or if you were just so afraid I was going to walk away, you said whatever you could to make sure I’d stay. We continued to be together, me holding on because I cared about you and I knew you the same with me.

We worked through a lot of the things that were hurting you, I was so proud to watch you beat impulse things, reduce your alcohol consumption, and not smoke. Things that I wasn’t trying to be controlling over, just things that when I watched you engage in them, I watched you change and I watch them hurt you. Being able to support you with your anxiety, watch you get the help you deserved, and then being able to show up for you when you were sad or mad at the world. The few times you let me in made me soar, knowing I was able to be the girlfriend you deserved. I watched as you promised you still cared about me but were showing me you didn’t. You made my biggest fears come true.

Then you told me you didn’t love me anymore 10 days after we came back from visiting your family. 10 days after I fell in love with your family. I felt so stupid, that maybe if I didn’t ask you for us to try and fix issues we shouldn’t of been having maybe we would’ve made it. We broke up, and things only got worse. I wanted communication, I wanted a friend, I wanted us to just be able to be there for each other, but every time I open my mouth I upset you. I can’t joke or ask questions. If I show interest in your life, it’s like I’m still dating you, or I’m mad at you. All these things that I do with everyone, I can’t do in the most basic of ways with you.