For now will do

"I did once. Our minds are very different now," she narrowed her eyes ever so slightly as the young man stepped back into a better light and she got a full look at him. Then she understood. He was one of them or at least a practitioner of the dark arts , a part of the darkness that was ever growing. His eyes were sunken, his appearance was messy and haggard. And yet she knew that this was because of his status as what she presumed to be a half-blood. Her sister and other pure-bloods involved in the darkness would never let themselves go like this, but their eyes and expressions were similar. Andie had seen the Order’s suspected list, and he certainly fit the bill.

Her eyes narrowed further as his hand dropped, and her eyes followed where it landed. She kept her hands firmly above the counter top to show that she didn’t intend on attacking or doing anything. She wasn’t looking for a fight, not today. “Who says I am not loyal, boy? I am loyal to my family. To my five year old daughter who has nothing to do with this war whatsoever. I’m loyal to her protection, to the protection of the family I care so much for. You suggest I chose love over loyalty, but by choosing love, I have a new loyalty. My daughter will not grow up in a world where she is slandered for being a half-blood. Perhaps you know the feeling, boy,” Andromeda took in a deep breath, though she was evidently a bit more firey now. The Death Eaters fought only for themselves, for selfish reasons. She saw now that all purist ideologies were wrong. She was on the right side, and nothing this small boy who knew nothing of the world could say would change that.

"I am a half-blood, yes." he said bluntly. "But so is your daughter, is she not? What kind of life did you choose for her? Had you chosen your pureblood heritage, she would have been untouchable. Your family would have kept her safe. How would you feel if she was killed by her own auntie? By the man who, if you'd chosen to marry, would have no doubt protected her with his dying breath as his own daughter?"

The more he spoke, the more bitter he felt. He would have dearly loved to have been born in a pureblood family, raised in an environment where he was not forced to call a muggle 'father'. Tobias had no right to criticise him and his mother practicing magic. He had even less right to try and stop them. When Severus left for Hogwarts, the only grief their separation gave Tobias was the thought of what his son was doing during that time.

"And so to you, a few years of bliss is worth all of that?"

It was in the eyes of the other aurors, in his rambling. His body language was defensive. Maybe the other students like her didn’t know enough about Grant for something to be off for them, but the senior aurors did. 

She was thankful she’d ignored the desire to be calculating, instead going for an impulsive, if cunning plan. Maybe some time in the lion’s den was doing her some good.

“Grant” turned to look at her, realizing the little plan she’d created. He glared at her, but it was too late. She knew, and they knew. Merlin, she just hoped whoever this was didn’t have any back up.

Emmeline’s wand shot out, but the other trainees didn’t understand what was happening yet. Everything was silent, no one speaking a word. Half of them were wondering what happened to Grant the other half were wondering why their fellow trainee was suddenly holding a wand, prepared to attack their superior.

His voice suddenly changed and Emmeline’s eyes widened as he took a drink. After he took a mouthful, he dropped it right alongside her feet. She leaned down and took ahold of it with her hand, the other still pointing her wand at Grant.

“Would you mind if we take a look at this Grant?” she asked innocently. “I think these…spirits are addling your mind a bit.”

"Give me that back right now." he spat through gritted teeth, staring at Emmeline over the tip of her wand. As the polyjuice potion did its work and Grant's voice returned to its normal register, the young death eater forced himself to take a deep breath. And another. Focus.

"Perhaps I should stop drinking so much firewhiskey, eh?" he said weakly. "I... Don't feel, not quite-"

He put his hand to his forehead, one eye still trained on Emmeline. The auror hadn't opened his hip flask yet - perhaps wary of what he might find? Severus's thoughts churned more quickly how he was calmer. If he could just get the bottle back and drink all the potion inside, the evidence would be gone and he could focus on getting out before his hour was up. "Just a bit-"

Severus sat down heavily on his desk, ignoring the piles of objects which clattered to the floor. Keeping one hand firmly clapped to his head, he stretched out his other hand and beckoned.

"Medicine, now." his heart in his throat and his eyes darted, perhaps too quickly, from Emmeline to the auror holding his hip flask. He wondered if he should faint. He fluttered his eyes a little, darting glances at the other aurors between blinks. Some of them looked concerned, others looked suspicious. Most of the trainees still hadn't caught on to what was happening yet. But none except Emmeline had drawn their wands. Silently, he cursed the girl. Most of the others were too intimidated of Grant - afraid that this was still one of his tricks no-one found funny - but she hadn't gotten to know Grant well enough. That was the trouble.

"If he really didn’t trust you you would be dead." Evan told him coolly, placing his drink down in front of him, "Every man has a part to play in a revolution like ours, those who are expendable fight, those who aren’t," he paused, giving Severus a smile, "Men like you and me, take things slow, building up the artillery."

"I suppose."

Severus brooded over his cup a while, pondering his next question.

She paused for a moment after his response, narrowing her eyes ever so slightly as she bagged his book for him. “I think that’s a lie, sir. Anyone who can misidentify me as Bellatrix sees her more than in the gossip columns,” she said casually, keeping her expression neutral. It probably wouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that she missed her sisters, that there was a space within her that could never be filled because of their loss, but she did not want that sort of gossip being spread around, and she especially did not want to divulge it to a man who’s name she did not know. 

"You clearly understand your sister well." he replied smoothly. "Look at me and take a guess at how her face is so familiar to me."

He dropped his book and stepped back from the counter, his right hand casually dropping to his side next to the pocket where he kept his wand. Although he himself wasn't aware, Severus's appearance had grown more haggard in the recent months. The angles in his face were sharper, his nose casting a longer shadow over his cheekbones. Dark circles had begun to appear under his eyes, evidence of long nights spent waiting for the opportune moment to drop ingredients into a bubbling cauldron. He couldn't even remember when he had last cut his hair. The black robes he wore in all weathers hung a little more loosely about his shoulders, and he kept finding himself twitching back his sleeves back to work unhindered. Overall, his appearance gave the impression of one who had rapidly aged years in a matter of months. Not that this was necessarily an indication of being a death eater these days - many wore the same look. But if you looked at Severus Snape, that he was a trustworthy person would not be one's first assumption. For the most startling transformation one would have observed in the young man was his eyes - gradually, they seemed to darken, mirroring the stone cauldrons he spent so much time gazing into. It was as if he was walking further and further into a tunnel, the light of the entrance growing smaller and smaller until just a pinprick could be seen.

"You may have chosen love over loyalty, but many have not." the young death eater now dropped his book and took a few steps back, his right hand casually dropping to his side to rest next to the pocket where he kept his wand. "Do you really think, when the war is won and your beloved muggleborn husband is defeated, that choosing to side with those who stand in the way of a future where witches and wizards will no longer hide will have been worth it?"

The House Elf that opened the door practically cowered in his presence. It was well known within the wizarding world that Bellatrix liked to keep her minions on an exceptionally short leash. They were, for all intents and purposes, her slaves. They had no thoughts or feelings of their own. They were solely put on this earth to do her bidding. It was a lesson she’d had drilled into her as a child, when she had shown favor to Mimsy, her personal elf.

To illustrate just how disposable the creatures were, her father had snapped the poor creature’s neck as his daughter, aged elven and poised to go to Hogwarts, looked on screaming.

“I-If you are here for Lady Lestrange, Sir, she is in the garden.”

The Elf scuttled ahead of him, light on his feet, leading the way to the sprawling gardens that surrounded the Lestrange estate. Trotting down the patio steps, he paused at the bottom, bowing, extending an arm to gesture to where Bellatrix sat beneath a large elm tree, a book opened in her lap.

In spite of the heat that came from the Indian summer they had been enjoying, Bella was in a dark green gown, the skirts fanned out around her waist, a thick tome in her lap. Her hair, raven black ringlets, was piled atop her head, although one lone curl had fallen down to graze the pale column of her throat.

Piercing eyes darted up, landing upon Severus’. They remained there for a moment, boring into him, as if trying to wring all the secrets he was holding inside of his head through the look alone.

All at once, the moment of intensity was over and Bellatrix was on her feet, setting the book to one side. Gliding to where he stood, she kissed each cheek in turn, holding his face in her hands for a moment.

“Severus, darling…it is good to see you,” she cooed, all honeyed charm and societal manners. Bellatrix might be teetering on the brink of madness, but she wore her façade beautifully. The untrained eye would never suspect the insanity within.

“Your letters have brought such cheer to me as of late. Please, do come in. There is a variety of refreshments waiting. I do not like to do business on an empty stomach.”

There was something…off…about Severus Snape. Bellatrix, as the cousin and blood kin of one of the Marauders, had caught a first-hand glimpse at how he mooned after that willowy little redhead the Potter boy was so fixated on. That was love, if ever she had seen it. Of course, he now claimed that his devotion lay with the Dark Lord, but so did many who coveted his power and prestige.

Though there was something in knowing neither of your parents cared any more.

Bellatrix’s stare as he came into view made him want to shift his feet and duck his eyes, though he couldn’t think why. He let out a breath he’d been unconsciously holding when the moment was over, and she rose to greet him with all her usual... What to call it? Graciousness? Decorum? Ceremony? Severus could never quite put his finger on what it was in her manner. It felt a little like being in a room with a dementor in a steel cage covered in a black cloth – you didn’t know what was wrong until suddenly the cover is snatched away and you’re confronted with what’s been eating at you this whole time. Even when it was still contained by the sturdy bars, it could reach out through the empty spaces and continue to haunt you until eventually it succeeded in gleefully snatching from you its coveted prize. And Severus felt he was starting to get a sense – only a sense – of what was underneath Bellatrix’s perfectly smooth, unruffled exterior.

“Bellatrix, you grow younger by the day.” he returned with a small bow. “I’m glad to hear our correspondence brought you joy, and many apologies for my slackness.”

He gestured towards where she had been seated. “Please, don’t trouble yourself, I mustn’t stay for long.”

That was only partially the truth, for he did have some time to spare. The problem, as he was now too painfully aware, was how puerile he seemed with his childish hex. He had forgotten in his hastiness to dig his way out of solitude just how formidable the older death eater was, how seriously she took her devotion. He was almost unaware of his mind starting to employ occlumency until he felt the muscles at the back of his neck tighten slightly, as they did whenever he shielded his mind against a legimens.

His heart thumping slightly faster, he grasped around for a topic of conversation to excuse his unexplained arrival. The garden was not helping – his eyes couldn’t help but wander around, automatically noting which plants could be used in which potions. Or maybe he just wanted to advert his eyes from Bellatrix’s presence beside him. Goosebumps stared to creep up his arms, and he concealed a shiver. Severus had to remind himself that he had done nothing to cause such apprehension before he dared meet her glance again.

Sorting, though productive, was long and boring. Especially on slow customer days, like today. There weren’t many people that entered, leaving Andromeda to silence amongst the books. However, when a younger man entered, she slipped back to the cash register without a word. He hadn’t looked at her, and she merely watched lazily as he searched through what she knew to be potions books. Potions, though not one of her best subjects, had a special place in her mind because of the memories formed there in Slughorn’s classroom. 

"Somewhat." he said evasively. "'I've heard the name. Seen her around."

He wondered what it was like to have siblings. Not that the Black family seemed to be the best example of an functional family, but it must have been nice to have someone while you were growing up. Bellatrix and Narcissa must have been close to their sister once. He was never very close to anyone, his mother aside, until he met Lily. He studied Andromeda's expression closely. Was she perhaps worried about her sisters? Perhaps she simply wanted to know if he knew how Bellatrix was faring. Hadn't he tried the same trick to find out about Lily's wedding?

Severus wondered why he was trying to search for positive motives in people instead of negative ones now. Not his style at all. Though he decided to keep talking anyway - he felt an avid curiosity towards Andromeda. He wondered what could possibly have made her so different from the people she was raised around, what had been going through her mind when she left a pureblood heritage he sorely envied and married a muggleborn instead.

"I don't suppose you see your family much any more? What exactly happened?"

She overheard the name of Severus Snape. It surprised her, though it shouldn’t have. Most of her old housemates had turned to the Dark Arts, siding with Lord Voldemort long before they were outside of Hogwarts. He’d been a few years younger than Emmeline and she hadn’t seen him since she graduated. From what she’d heard so far, there was nothing confirmed. Half the people on the suspicious list sometimes sided with the Dark Lord, but were too unmotivated to do anything else than complain about muggleborns. It made them terrible people, but hardly dangerous. 

Emmeline let her mind wander slightly as she waited for her own assignment when Grant gestured for her. She walked over to Grant before his words were even finished. He was her superior and hopefully had something interesting to do for her. More interesting than paperwork at least.

 Emmeline’s first reaction when he mentioned seeing her before was one of satisfaction. She must have made an impression. A few of her fellow trainees gave her a look, a combination of jealousy and annoyance. It wasn’t her fault that she was just that good.

But then Grant made the muggle joke and Emmeline’s hand was suddenly at her wand. It was an involuntary reaction for her, but one she had developed after working for the Order. It wasn’t particularly bad or anything. She’d heard much worse coming from the mouths of children even, but it put her on high alert. She didn’t draw it out and hoped Grant didn’t notice. He may have been just a bit insensitive since muggles were practically foreign to most wizards. They were to her after all. 

Emmeline heard her orders and were she any other former Slytherin, she may have even taken them. But instead, something pushed her to question this. The little girl inside her, the child who didn’t like being told what to do, suddenly appeared and she started talking.

“Of course, I’m sorry if you forgot about our training today. But first, I was wondering, could you tell us about the time in Florence with the vampire? We’ve heard so much about it and we’ve been dying to hear about it first hand,” she said. 

"Florence? Florence eh, those were the days. Back when we still whooshed about the country on magic carpets, mind you! You lot weren't even born then, eh? Hmm?" he looked around, noting the blank looks on the faces around him. He decided to take this as encouragement that he was doing a good enough impression of Grant that people knew to be bored when the storytelling started.

"Now mind you, the tricky thing about vampires is you can never be quite sure if they're just pasty-faced muggles, eh? Hmm? But this one, ho, raring for blood he was. And you know what? Went straight for me in broad daylight he did, in front of a dozen muggles! Well, I thought to myself, it's the international statute of secrecy or my neck! So, so-" Severus trailed off when he noticed the looks on some of the older auror's faces getting funnier and funnier. But not the kind of funny face which he had quickly learned to associate with people listening to Greg talk. He was suddenly uncomfortably aware that the whole office, loud with chatter a few moments before, had fallen silent. Most of the aurors had swivelled their chairs around, and some had stood up to see better over their desks.

“Haven’t heard you tell that one before Greg.” called the wizard by the door, who had set his sandwich aside. “When was this?”

Panic shot through Severus. He looked around the office, then back at Emmeline Vance. She had set a trap, and he had thoughtlessly gone straight for it like objects zooming towards the source of a summoning charm. He could only hope now to pass it off as one of Greg’s infamous jokes.

“That would be because the events I just described never occurred.” He gritted his teeth. Greg would have said it some other way, probably. With a few swear words thrown in, no doubt.

“I expect more from an office full of aurors than a bunch of impressionable fools who stand around and listen to idle gossip. Has your training not taught you to lend a sceptical ear to that which you hear? Now go about your work, and you-” he swung around and glared at Emmeline. “-go and find something else to do.”

The silence in the office was complete. His heart thumping, Severus realised it wasn’t just his choice of words – his voice was sounding more and more like himself. His hour was up.

“You alright there Grant?” the wizard by the door said suspiciously as Severus reached into his pockets for a hip flask. Trying to pass it off as a casual mouthful of brandy, he took a swig of the disgusting potion but only managed to draw attention to his small silver bottle.

However, Remus remembered all too well the grim night that had turned his classmate’s dark glances from mild dislike to pure, raw loathing, a few years prior. Remus would never forget how close he had come to becoming a murderer, and some resolute, self-loathing part of him still believed that he owed Severus this kind gesture, a motion of hospitality he knows for certain would never have been reciprocated if their roles were reversed. 

And so, lifting his head with the hint of a careful, empty smile, the boy shifted to the side slightly, inviting the other man in with a small gesture. “It’s been a while, yes.” He murmured, relaxing against the side of a shabby wall beside the doorway, his hand settling on the outside of his back pocket, not a few inches away from a wand tucked away in the event of trouble. 

“I’m glad to hear that.” he said evenly.

Unsure of what the normal protocol was for friendly visits to old acquaintances, Severus settled for standing somewhat awkwardly behind the sofa. His eyes roamed around the flat, noting its small size. But then again, he reminded himself wryly, he himself didn’t have too much to feel smug about there. His quarters at Spinner’s End could only be described as ‘adequate’, whilst the residences of his Death Eater friends were ‘grand’ to say the least.

Severus was feeling more awkward by the second. He had almost plucked up the courage to speak several times, but closed his mouth each time. His mind was still at work, trying to think of the most round-a-bout way possible that he could ask for news of Lily and James.

“So, Remus. Still alone? Haven’t… found anybody yet? Pettigrew and Black, Potter, you’re all still in touch?” It took some nerve to get the next few words out, but somehow, the young death eater managed. “Potter and Lily, I’ve heard some rumours about an engagement?”

That was a slight deviation from the truth. Severus already knew of the engagement – he had seen the ring on Lily’s finger that night they almost attacked each other in the streets. What he really hoped to find out from Remus was at least a time or place for the wedding. He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to know, but it would be better than the agony of suspense he lived in each day, wondering when Lily Evans would become Mrs Potter.

The reason she was there was to meet with someone at the auror office. She loved training, except for the Herbology of course, but this wasn’t going to be the fun kind of experience. There would be no spells or use of her intellect today. No, she was going to have to learn what to expect of paper work today. Apparently, being an auror involved a lot of it.

Despite her love of reading and academics, Emmeline hated writing essays in schools just as much as the next person. This was going to be tedious at best. She’d be great at it, but even that wasn’t going to make this any more pleasant.

Emmeline and the rest of her group had to go see Hector Grant, who was a bit of an early riser. Most people said he was brilliant, or had been in the old days. Now, he couldn’t really keep up with the wizards on the loose. Hopefully, he would have mercy on them and at least give them some tips for the field. He was supposed to be very friendly and talkative. She had never really talked to him, mostly seen him in passing, but she spent most of her time with the other trainees and their instructor.

She walked in to the auror office and nearly cringed at a wizard eating a sandwich. It looked positively vile. Still, she smiled at her superior and smiled. She even cheerfully called out good morning for good measure. Emmeline was intent on making her way up the ranks; who knew what being nice to this man could do for her future.

“Fugitives aren’t going to catch themselves. If they did, we’d hardly call them wanted, would we? We don’t actually want them, eh? Go check with that chap over there will you? See if he has any leads on Severus Snape.”

Oh Merlin, what had he done? This was one of the few times Severus had ever hoped he was actually on the ‘suspicious’ list – if not, he had certainly just put himself on it. The art of impersonating others was just something Severus had never been very good at. He couldn’t look into the face of someone he knew without feeling like they could see right through whichever colour his eyes had turned and see him behind the mask he had donned. He couldn’t get the knack of copying those little typical actions or words which made a person very much themselves. He didn’t know how to move through space as someone else – he just didn’t.

Slowly, as more people began to crowd around the man they thought was the senior auror, Severus began to panic a little. Of all the days Grant could have been popular with his colleagues, today had to be it. But at least, Severus thought drily, they had one thing in common – no-one ever actually found either of their jokes very funny.

Most of the faces around him were unfamiliar, but with a jolt of alarm, he suddenly picked out one pair of eyes which were staring at him. Emmeline Vance, two years above him. The senior had been one of the people he had found really intimidating – there was just something about the way she used to look at him. Not impressed.

Trying to match his frantically churning thoughts with his outwards appearance of calm, Severus beckoned to her.

“Right now, I’ve seen you around before.” that felt like the wrong thing to say, but he wasn’t sure why.

“You look like you’ve got some sense, certainly more than what those muggles have in their pockets.” he added a chuckle for good measure, mentally noting who was present so he could kill them all later and leave no witness to the day Severus Snape had made a muggle joke.