Having a job is an awesome way to stay hydrated because you get so bored you start drinking water just for a little excitement

texting my coworker “hey! how are you feeling” and reading it 40 times to make sure i didn’t accidentally type how are you sex cum penis ass cum porn 1080p hot cock

i actually can’t relate but LMAO this is hilarious

thanks for laughing anyway

Your self respect has to be greater than your desire to be loved.

having unwashed hair will have you believing shit like i can’t be saved

you literally have to unironically listen to some shit like party rock anthem so you don’t kill yourself

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

I have GOT to stop spending $30