🐇💨🥦

Why am I here?

i kissed you like it would be the last because somehow i knew in the back of mind it was only a matter of time before you left. no kiss or hug ever felt long enough. i wanted so badly for those moments to last forever because i knew they would end.

The thing about love is you can’t control it. you just wake up one day and realize you’ve fallen so far that there’s no way you’ll ever want to climb back up. even when the heartbreak hits, a part of you still wants to keep freefalling and delay that brutal climb back to pick up the pieces. some people get lucky and get to fall forever. others spend most of their lives always trying to climb back up. those brief moments though while you are freefalling are when you truly feel infinite.

i hope that one day you’ll realize how much i loved you...and know that you took me for granted.

“It’s not fair.. it’s not fair that I’m still thinking about you when you are not thinking about me. It’s not fair that I was actually interested when you weren’t.. it’s not fair that I showed you me and you turned away. It’s not fair that I’m crying because I feel like I messed up and scared you away. I don’t understand what I did wrong and the messed up thing is you won’t tell me and just ignore me.”

“I killed my own happiness in such a young age, by loving someone more than myself.”

“Losing you wasn’t just painful, it was fucking damaging also. It wasn’t me sitting down on a couch surrounded by my friends as we watched movies and ate food to try and forget you. It was me staying up at four in the morning because the thought of you was so fucking strong I couldn’t even close my eyes without seeing your face. It was me swallowing thickly and blinking back tears every time I was in public, the hole in my chest causing my breaths to come out shaky rather than normal. It was me laughing at things for no reason as my stomach turned because the urge of falling apart was getting stronger. It was me crying at random hours during the day and me not wanting to get up out of bed. It wasn’t just me staring blankly at your number, deciding whether or not if I should call you. It was me throwing my phone at the wall and breaking it, because I was drunk again and the thought of you ever changing your information terrified me. It was me deleting our conversations and regretting it because now I couldn’t know where we had went wrong. It fucking hurt, losing you had hurt and I wasn’t ever able to forget that kind of pain.”