Hero of Death

you’ve been watching it for four minutes it must mean something to you

Yes, that was the toothbrush that I used to scrub my butt with, and I would poo on it while I scrubbed my butt with the toothbrush, and I would put it back every day after scrubbing my butt, and not tell anyone. The day she threw away that toothbrush to use a new one, I told her how much I loved scrubbing my butt with that toothbrush.  It was in that moment where she realized what I used her toothbrush for, when I asked “Is that your toothbrush!?” and so, here she is with it tapped onto her ceiling, being utterly traumatized by the news of what she been putting in her mouth the whole time that she been using it, completely unawares until it was too late. 

how’s middle school going

do you take a werewolf boyfriend to the vet or the doctor. this is too complicated

*sobs forever*

You’re all out to kill me aren’t you

for chinese new year they get all these famous actors and comedians together and they do a lil show and one of the comedians was like “i was in a hotel in america once and there was a mouse in my room so i called reception except i forgot the english word for mouse so instead i said ‘you know tom and jerry? jerry is here’

jerry is here

buying fake followers on social media is like speaking to a crowded room except everyone is dead

oh my gosh it’s back

I laughed at this for like an hour the first time it was on my dash

Who gave you the right… 

Because she’s deaf and can read lips/gestures. Which explains why she’s so fearless and how great courage is at charades.

That would also explain why Eustice is so loud.

I want Fox News to be as uncomfortable as possible.

ITS SO FUCKING CUTE OMG LOOK AT ITS LIL FACE