Okay two things: I don’t live in Arizona and MOST IMPORTANTLY I HAVE NEVER BEEN NOR WOULD NEVER JOIN THE FREAKING REPUBLICAN PARTY. So why,why, why would I get this text? P.S. once again to them Fuck off.
will byers stan first human second
YOU ARE THE REASON
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
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@slightlyweird-healingbroken
Okay two things: I don’t live in Arizona and MOST IMPORTANTLY I HAVE NEVER BEEN NOR WOULD NEVER JOIN THE FREAKING REPUBLICAN PARTY. So why,why, why would I get this text? P.S. once again to them Fuck off.

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I just felt my first earthquake!!!
Yeah go ahead and mock my earthquake survival kit, but that was scary.
Desert girl is a little frightened, hold me 🙈
So Christmas is cancelled on account of my mom being in the hospital for the past 2+ months. The mood was slightly lifted for me however when I found these two beauties.
The elves are the creepiest damn things and hence I had to have them.
This though:
Is a Mister Rogers mug that his cardigan appears when you put something hot inside. I mean COME ON something that cool just made me happy just to know it was in the universe. It will now be the only mug I drink out of.
Who would of thought I could find such cool things at a hospital gift shop?
Every morning I wake up and read the news. Every morning I also listen to American Idiot by Green Day just to get myself to leave my house. There is a simple cause and effect on me.
I believe that the new unofficial National anthem should be American Idiot. Whose with me?
Let the record show...
The reason that as of now I am going to go complete bitch is:
I will no longer let people treat me like shit and when I finally get up the courage to say something let them blame me.
Fuck this blaming the victim bullshit. I am sick of it!!!
You do not get to act like a complete asshole to someone and then turn it around. No, you really don’t not anymore—Not to me!

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The one thing I have learned. . .
Caring about people is a suckers game. All you do is make others feel better while you continue to do and do. It is never enough for anyone and you are left feeling bad for not doing it right or enough.
Caring is for suckers.
Fuck it
Life is falling apart and I am managing to hold it together with paper clips and shear determination. Just danced around my apartment swinging my head around holding a full glass of a literal $3.00 bottle of wine and it tastes “eh not bad”.
Fuck it. What else can I do? Just keep dancing
Truly and seriously the most depressing thing to witness on a Saturday morning. I did not film the faces or bodies, but let me assure you they have a cloud of depression hanging over all of them.
Short on cash?
I just got an egg, hash browns, an English muffin, and coffee for $1.86 at the rehab center.
What?!?! My life sucks right now-THIS this right here is the best thing that has happened in 3 weeks.
Let's see if I can put functional in that functional alcoholic title. Day three. Before all this started 1 normal drink or 3 I made myself with mouse pours made me super tipsy. 2 and I was full drunk. Tonight I had 3 regulars and I feel nothing.
Today was a shitty, shitty, shitty day.

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I am freaking cursed!!!!
Seriously I got hit twice by an old man who should not be behind the wheel. He hit me got confused backed up and hit me again. I am now waiting to see if my giant headache is permanent or just a fun reminder that my life kind of sucks right now.
Self care
Everyone keeps telling me "self care, self care" so I decided that self care looks a lot like becoming a functional alcoholic. Okay, so probably not, but self care looks like a bottle of whiskey tonight. It has been a shit time to be an adult lately.
They called a rapid response for my mom today. I was there my brain snapped. I stayed in the corner holding a handle to the door for over 4 hours physically and emotionally unable to let go. Today has not been a good day. I have no feeling in my ring or pinky fingers now to boot.
Notes from the hospital:
Being at the hospital for 12-16 hours a day is not conducive to doing laundry. Guess who is wearing her mamma's undies?? 😧
Guess who remembered she was wearing her mamma's underwear when she put her hands on her hips? 👋🏻 Why in the world do they make underwear that high??
There is a reason my cousin turned down a charge nurse position from this hospital group. They really do suck here.
The new neuro did give another diagnosis though. Still got told time was the cure.
The other night my mom was convinced I was trying to kill her. That was not my best moment.
My friend who said I was rude when I nicely suggested a cat sitter. Still hasn't answered me and she has my key and the life of my cats in her petty hands.
My uncle who has done nothing since my dad died but try and get money and expensive items from my mom has been asking to "come together as a family as he is one of only family I have left" yeah ummm fuck off. My moms property and money goes to supporting her and helping to get her better not to you asshole!
JUST ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE
This isn't about you! So, if one more person tells me my mom isn't in her right mind. OR Don't take this personal I am going to scream. Okay, your only real family member thinks you are trying to kill them when you try to give them water, yeah sure it is just another Saturday night right? Fuck you!
My friend is pulling the "I am trying to support you" crap while meanwhile I am here for 16 hours a day feeding, washing, being a hawk for my mom she is telling me "don't take it personal. In my culture we..." or "make your cousins come in my culture they would already be there". Well guess what my cousins all live 1.5-3 hours away and they aren't coming. Somehow this is a reflection on me as I am not forcing three women with children and jobs to drive 3-6 hours a day to come to the hospital.
She is feeding my cats because she wants to help, but then she feeds them only every two days and never gives them affection (she hates cats) She puts out two days worth of wet food which my guess is that it is going bad and it is going to make them sick. But when I said just meet the cat sitter and give her the key. Then I was being rude because she is trying to support me. I literally said "you have so much on your plate. Tell me when you can give the cat sitter the key"
But I am being rude.
What the fuck do people want from me?!?!? You know why people who care for someone disabled withdraw from the world? THIS! I can't be your fucking cheerleader because you opened some cans every two days. I am sorry I don't have the energy to kiss your ass. Saying thank you everyday isn't enough apparently.
I just realized that it sounded like I was talking about people here. Oh gods no, I was talking about doctors and nurses and the "friend" who was telling me from 800 miles away that I was doing things wrong.

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I don't know if I can handle all this.
Dick as big as Kansas
So, mom just got a new doc who must have a dick the size of Kansas. I kind of want to see. She finally got a new neuro doctor and holy shit guys, it is like he knows what he is talking about. Told me straight out the diagnosis she got seemed wrong and that he never listens to others only wants to learn for himself and he is going to run new tests. Maybe it is nothing, but honestly having a doc not play the party line is actually giving me hope.