DETECTIVE DETECTIVE

                            '    great ,    ’    i said , feeling terrible .

im on the bus and my 2-year-old won’t stop crying, except you just smiled at them and they did

i asked you to babysit one time and now my child keeps asking when you will spend time with them again

you asked me to the store with you and your child, and now my distant relative we met thinks im married with a baby 

we are friends and my child’s first word was your name and im jealous but also kind of endeared

you’ve been sleeping at mine because your house is being renovated and we aren’t even dating, yet every time you wake up to the baby crying and sigh, “i’ll go” i feel like we might as well be married

we’ve been on a few dates and my child just asked us when we are getting married

our children are in the same class and we both hate their teacher, eventually the parents’ evenings are just us competing who can call out snarkier comments

we are the only two parents who agreed to attend the school trip (bonus: “so i guess we share this hotel room?”)

our children are best friends….yeah

“i’m so sorry that my child pointed out how your shirt- actually nevermind i agree, that shirt is horrendous”