"aha! this is elementary!"

"...Hm? This is... huh? I know 'jomosex' isn't a word, because I study the dictionary each night before I go to bed. No... no, I'm not... a 'jomosex.' Thank you."

"Oh, why not! Hmm, where to start, where to start..." Mila tapped their chin, deep in thought. They suddenly snapped their fingers. "Well! The name's Mila, but, if you want to get all technical about it, the full name is Mila Law Young. I'm twenty-four, I live in Michigan, I use any pronouns. Aaaaand... hrm. Oh! I work in the homicide unit at the Royal Court Agency, dealing primarily with murders and mysteries and anything of the like. It's my dream job, and I'm extremely blessed to have this position." "As for my hobbies... well, I bounce around a lot. Gotta try everything once! Reading, writing, coding... you name it, I've done it." They cheerily nodded. "But, what I'm really into now is beekeeping. Got a whole hive of them in my backyard!"

They smile as if that is a totally normal thing to say.

“Good day to you, too!” Mila chuckled lightly. “How are you doing today? Personally, for me — it had snowed big time this morning. The sidewalk was all icey, so… I almost slipped and fell on my bottom. But — I got through it! And thank god for that!”

“W - Wait… what?” Mila paled. They reeled back, disturbed by the question. “…How did you know I liked Warrior Cats in my youth…???”

A black screen awaited any viewer who dared to tune in. Judgement here was long gone, it being passed onto the unrighteous. A sizzling, static noise struck the shadow-filled display, absent of any empathetic touch.

...!

"OW!"

A shriek of pain interrupted the solitude.

To follow the yelp, a long, quiet rustle was audible on the other end. Though whatever waited on the other end wasn't visible, the panicked, hurried sounds spoke for them all the same. Rustling and rummaging hissed through the blackened screen. The mental picture could easily be put into your mind.

...After a minute or two of agonizing and awkward waiting, the camera finally took focus, colors flooding the screen. What stood in plain view was a short gentleman with tanned, bronzed skin and short, black curly hair. They smiled sheepishly, smoothing back their hair and brushing off their suit. "...It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance." They nodded politely, putting a gloved hand on their heart. "We don't know each other yet, but... I hope we will come to. I'm Mila Law Young, a detective at the Royal Court Agency."

"For a back of a better word, I have gotten wind that thing's have been... risque, around these parts, wouldn't you say? An assortment of crime running in these dark, shaded backstreets, hiding under our noses... And I simply cannot live with the idea that innocent civilians are getting mixed in the middle of it."

"So... that's why I'm here!" Mila beamed, grinning from ear to ear. "To protect and serve! To get to the bottom of these terrible sins that are haunting our youth! Whatever you need, please don't hesitate to contact me. Please remember that I'm a resource, an ear to listen, and, hopefully, a friend."

The sleuth bowed, looking up with a wink. "...I'm at your service."