Moving Forward Along The Road Less Traveled

I had an when experience that promoted a rather painful middle school memory, and it's been tearing me up a little inside, so I thought I'd write it out and launch it off into cyberspace via tumblr to see if that helps it sink back into the recesses of my mind where the memory belongs. So, we were nearing the end of the school year when I was in 8th grade, and the school had a thing where the class would vote on different categories for the students (ie-- class clown, most popular, most athletic, and prettiest). One of our teachers was sharing the ballots he had collected in the prior period with the class. He would say who got votes for which category and the class was getting a kick out if it, cause normally you would only hear the winners and no one knew who else got votes for things. He was reading one particular ballot and when he got to prettiest he said my first name,... And the class fell dead silent except for one boy who rather loudly breathed out, "What?" incredulously. The teacher then corrected the mistake by adding the last name, and a collective, "ohhhhh, right." Filled the room. The idea that someone could have voted for me for prettiest was so unbelievable to them, and it is the first time I realized how universally unattractive I was considered by my peers. I gave up on the idea of ever fitting societies idea of pretty a long time ago, but man that memory still stings. And that opinion of me seems to be holding strong to this day, based on the experience that promoted the memory (which I don't want to share). So, I'm feeling a little low today. Not exactly sure how to pick myself up from this one...

Had a conversation with a friend the other day that has weighed heavy on me. It's been very recent that I began to share publicly that I have PTSD, and he had some questions for me. He served at ground zero after 9/11 and said he is having trouble with depression and PTSD symptoms, but is reluctant to seek help, because he doesn't want the label. I can certainly understand why, cause being labeled sucks. Any given human being is so much more complex and intricate than any diagnostic description could ever come close to capturing, but as soon as most people hear a psych disorder applied to someone, they can no longer see past the disorder to the actual person who just happens to be struggling through life with that disorder as an added weight to carry. Sad state of affairs....