“Trust but verify” BEFORE you submit, or accept submission!

In D/s, the Power Exchange requires 100% buy-in on BOTH sides of the slash. Just like any peace treaty, build in lots of little trust building goals along the way. Trust should be established and verified before you place your body, let alone your life, in the care of a Dominant (or accept the responsibility for a life)!

me when I actually earn a spanking:

April 17, 2018

This morning when I woke up and checked on Pip, I discovered that she wasn’t feeling well, and thought she might be (getting) sick. I was up early because I was stopping by to wake her up and press all her fun buttons, before we had to make our way to work. I sighed with empathy at my phone. My girl has been having a rough time on various fronts lately, and sick is what I was sure she didn’t need on top of it all. Immediately, I altered my headspace from one of Dominant, to that of Caretaker. This morning was going to need to be about comfort and care for my sick little bean, and not playing with all the fun holes. You know what folks? - that was just fine. 

I know all the subs out there are all about being good little service girls. They want to have the holes available for their partner “anytime and anywhere”, as the kinky adage goes. I’m here to tell you that it’s 100% OK that you don’t, and you can’t. You take care of us plenty, and sometimes it’s time for you to just be, and let your partner take care of you. It doesn’t make you any less of a submissive. Let that toxic guilt go. 

I know there are Dominants out there who don’t give a fuck if their sub is sick, if they are sad, or just simply not in the headspace to be of service. They will go ahead and dig into what was given to them anyway, sighting the agreement of submission over the reality of present circumstances. Shame on you. If your sub can spread those legs, take those licks, and care for you as often as you want, why can you not make some small effort to care of he/she who takes care of you and your every need? 

I spent the morning laying in Pip’s bed, letting her drape herself over me in various positions as she slept fitfully. Before I left, I made sure she had some medicine in her, and water by her bedside. She didn’t need much from me, just a Daddy who understood that the order of the day was being next to her in bed, holding her for a couple of hours while she slept, and not one that was focused only on themselves, and their own desires. Thankfully Pip’s Daddy knows that it’s not always time to play.  

I greeted him at the door on 4" heels, a high ponytail, and a satin apron.

He pushed me into my apartment with hungry kisses and desperate gropes.

I peeled back the layers of a long day at work: briefcase with a thud by the door and the friction of his belt through each belt loop. The buckle jingling as it fell to the floor.

He bent me over the table and thrust himself against my back and ass before unzipping and revealing his excitement to me. I ran the stiletto heel up his inseam while using the mental map of his body to guide my hands to revisit my treasure.

His mouth and hands raced to discover every spot that would make me gasp or moan. I cocked my head and squirmed in the shadow of his stature. The high ponytail danced against my skin.

He grasped my long brown tresses at the tip and recalled all the photos and videos in his wank bank of arched backs and bent necks.

He yanked so hard that he herniated C5-6. During the surgery for my artificial disc replacement, my surgeon found a bone shard 3mm from my spinal cord.

The man who whispered in my ear of how i was “marriage material” moved to Toronto 2 weeks after he damn near made me into a quadriplegic. He closed on a house the day of my surgery.

To this day, I jump when someone puts their hands near my head. My ears ring constantly. And every time I see one of you all post a photo of someone having their hair pulled, I think about all the pain one dumb, badly-executed move caused me.

1. Get consent. 2. Give warning. 3. Grab slowly and smoothly at the roots 4. Movement comes from the wrist (minimizes chance of injury to directional force) 5. If need be, let the person with the hair being pulled hold on to your wrist to either limit your movement or as a failsafe. 6. Over time develop trust with your partner to dial up neck extension, force, or speed.