kitt

⧼ “Nobody dies tonight.” ⧽

Calling all Cassandra Cain fans! We're launching a 2D fan animation project focusing on adapting the Batgirl (2000) comic run.

It's high time our favourite Batgirl got some love in the animation department, wouldn't you agree? 🦇

⬛ Info Doc ▪️ Carrd ▪️ Twitter/X ▪️ Bluesky ▪️ Instagram ⬛

For some context, today is a very sunny day, but like any spring day, it's super cold outside, but even from my windows, I can feel the warmth of a Spring Sun. The lighting isn't the same and my body can feel it.

One RedBull and a mental breakdown later, I'm typing here what I think is some kind of realization.

I'm punishing myself, mentally not physically. I'm creating this mental prison from which I cannot escape that mimics the abuse I've been a victim of. I have social anxiety. So much that I leave the house once every two months to go get my prescription from my psychiatrist. But other than that, I don't do anything. I'm lethargic. Life, sucked out of me.

Numbed.

And this isn't fair.

So I said to myself ...

KICK YOUR ASS AND GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE.

Like what's stopping me ? No one. Okay the world is hella scary, but I used to navigate it perfectly fine before so what has changed ? 2 things.

Heavy new trauma that happened before, during and after my very first hospitalization.

Aaaand selling my car

That cut out my independency in my mind, and don't get me wrong we have a car, but it's not mine, you know ? And we live in a tiny town, I don't know anything of it and I've been living here for 3 years. I kinda want to get back to my hometown because that's what's safe.

I know it's crazy, but I truly believe that moving away from my hometown is part of why I'm not leaving the house. Yet, I always loved to visit new places, like I was on adventures with my car, alone in the dark, fuck. I used to leave the house just to have a nice dinner by myself. What is stopping me ? MYSELF.

That's the answer I'm stopping myself from living and this has to end. So I'm typing this in the heat of the moment and posting it right as I finish, because I'll hold myself accountable.

Another thing that has been stirring up the how's and why's of me not going outside is my friend, you the deal, my best and only friend, and well they asked something very simple of me. They asked to see my neighborhood and how I was living as a disabled mentally ill woman.

And so when they asked that I was like "Omg I need to make a Vlog" and after shooting a few glimpses of life and my inspiration, I realized my life was dull as fuck. It wasn't super exciting before, but like I walked my dog in the forest everyday, which is my main inspiration, hell I have a mushroom tattooed on me.

So yeah, I lost my spark. That's the conclusion I made, and I'm preventing myself from being the free spirit I've always been.

And my dear friend helped in that realization, because they wanted to know what inspires me and right now it's memories. Looking back at pictures I took, I realized that my outside pictures were all taken from my window. And this is sad, I'm not romanticizing my life by wishing through the window, that I was outside. Because I can be outside and I should, and hell there's a river just a few hundred meters away from my house, it's magnificent and I'm never there. Hell I should be there right now, drawing the ducks on my iPad and maybe do some watercolor with river water.

Because this is who I am, this is what makes me special, the little wonders and whimsical things found in everyday life. The routine, the slow life I chose to live; Because it's beautiful and filled me so much fulfillment.

But here I feel safe, untouchable, like if I couldn't really get hurt by the world as long as I stay inside. But I'm also, by doing that, preventing myself from living. And living has a different meaning for people, but to me living is just breathing fresh air and looking at the blue sky on a cold spring afternoon.

And it comes from deep trauma and my abusers win if I don't get out of this house, they won if I can't step outside, just for 10 minutes, I make them win.

And I won't let them win ever again.

Pokemon fanart, and this serves as my submission to get on Vgen. vgen.co/kitt_art #VGenCode, hoping to take commissions and do more cool stuff.

For French-speaking people

For English-speaking people