after we broke up I packed everything of ours into a box and kept it beside the entrance to my room in vine. it sat there for months. a past friend of mine eventually moved in and we were roommates for awhile. those photos and videos of us were still on my old laptop and she had to be the one to delete them because I could never gather the strength to do it myself. I sometimes wish I still had them, but they still exist almost perfectly in my brain either way.

the one thing I did keep though was the voicemails you left me over the years. I haven’t listened to them in a long long time, but tonight for some reason I listened to a few. your voice is still so familiar even though it’s been years since I’ve heard it.

although it doesn’t hurt nearly as much as it did for so long, I’m scared there will always be a part of me that forever grieves our love.

all that to say though, I think I’ll be forever grateful for these small moments where we write to one another. sometimes I’m overwhelmed with the things I would want to write about to you, because over the years it felt like there was so much to say and it almost makes me tongue tied in a way.

I still think about the snow capped mountains and how you only had to walk outside to see them. I had never seen anything so beautiful and I still proudly boast about them when someone mentions out west.