i would like to get to know William better. i want to understand what he is like inside: what he truly thinks about, what he feels, and what he desires. the image he is currently presented with is essentially a constructed mask, which is why he is often mischaracterized, and why any analysis of him tends to be superficial, without considering why he behaves the way he does.
he seems to live for his work, but not because he loves it, rather because he has no other way to live. he became a shinigami as punishment for committing suicide, and he had no choice in the matter. in life he could have been a completely different person; at the very least, he was free, and his identity was not entirely built around work he likely did not love. although i am sure that even in life he was not in the best mental state, since something drove him to such an act, becoming a shinigami only intensified his suffering many times over.
he appears as a role model among other shinigami, constantly reminding others to follow the rules, but does he himself want to follow them? he does not enjoy his work, he hates overtime, yet being perfect is extremely important to him. he needs to show others “how things should be done,” even when he has no desire to do so. he wants to fix both himself and others.
i want to know what he thinks about, what he likes. i want to know everything about him. i see his outer layer focused on work, but i want to look deeper and understand what he is truly like. even as a shinigami, there is still something human left in him. i also want to know what he was like in his past life, since almost nothing is known about it, and it is even difficult to build theories from scratch. will i ever know this? he feels like the most important thing i have, and i feel like i want to know absolutely everything about him; everything else feels unnecessary.
what i wanted to say is this: at the very beginning of my interest in William, i fell in love with him precisely because of this image of a formal, perfect worker. i liked his appearance, his arrogance, his strictness, and his excessive seriousness. i did not think about who he really was, or that he might be forcing himself to be this way, and that it might not be his true desire or his true nature.
in my imagination he was always in a suit with perfectly styled hair, sometimes even in pajamas with slightly messy hair. but i did not go deeper than this image. i tried, but something was missing for me to imagine him in real life, outside of work.
and sometimes i even find it intimate and strange to imagine him at home in ordinary clothes, without glasses, doing everyday things. it feels very personal and close, because no one around him knows what he is really like, and he does not show it to anyone.
that is why it all feels so mysterious and interesting. i want to see his real self, not only at work, but in everyday life. it feels like these might be almost different versions of the same person. and i want to know the real one.
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