Tommy Wiseau voice I did not vibe with her I did not

Sit a girl down, talk to her for fifteen minutes and you will literally have a personal vendetta against her father and every single man she has interacted with throughout her life

I wish someone had told me this when I was young.

i wrote half an essay in 20mins today when it’s not even due for another 4 weeks, reblog this to have a productivity lightning bolt strike you like it did me today

sometimes i’m like “i should buy some orange juice! i love it i don’t know why i never have it in the house” and then i get some and i remember it’s because some kind of dormant Scurvy Prevention Instinct activates within me like a sleeper agent trained to seek and destroy, except it’s just me standing in front of the open fridge at two in the morning chugging juice straight out of the carton like a crazed citrus gremlin 

only sexy bitches sit on kitchen counters that’s the law