Cloudy Dreams

So uh...I don’t seem to post on tumblr much anymore. For those of you still with me: I moved to the city last year, I have a corporate job that I like (never thought I’d say those words), I’ve hiked a LOT of mountains over the past couple years, basically eat whatever I want that’s not super sugary (because added sugar always makes me feel ill, as do too many grains), and um...life’s going pretty well. Oh yeah, and I publicly came out as bi. That happened too. 

my face as of about 2 weeks ago. I don’t wear much makeup almost ever anymore.

getting karmic retribution for dumping that guy last year. in the reverse of that situation. hoping for absolution from this. I do have a new job starting in 3 days, which is exciting. I’m moving later today...sort of. still need to find a place to live.

wayooooooooo.  it’s called “the mountain diet.”  I eat normally (ie whatever the fuck I want that doesn’t make me dizzy or tired or upset stomach), don’t drink, hike a lot, and be happy...working pretty. damn. well.  (last time I weighed I was down to 136lb.  I’m not trying to lose weight.  it’s just happening.)

also got back down to 140 about 2 weeks ago. which is nice because I’m not calorie tracking anymore, so it feels much healthier this time.  also Jan-Feb-March added up to 103 hours of exercise...the same thing last year was 74, and the year previous was like 52.  so that’s pretty sweet.

and nothing makes me less attracted to them.  why is it so difficult for me to want a wonderful, earnest man who is head over heels for me?  but I'm just...bored.  finding other people attractive.  feeling like I'm an asshole.  trying to care about him more, trying everything I can think of to make it work and it's just not enough.   everything he is should make me happy...but it doesn't. :(

is agonizing.  I am so happy but drives me nuts to not be able to see him or touch him.  4 hours seems so far.