My ed and i when im binging for the fourth time on the same day

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@skinnibiatch
My ed and i when im binging for the fourth time on the same day

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people will be like no i understand that you’re mentally ill but i don’t understand why you’re behaving in a mentally ill way
i want to relapse so bad i feel fucking disgusting
nvm i relapsed lmfao
kind of uncool how losing weight takes so long but gaining weight happens immediately and without mercy

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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kind of uncool how losing weight takes so long but gaining weight happens immediately and without mercy
I eat and i eat and i eat and i cry
hi kings, queen and queers I'm back
i was recovering quite well but today i saw myself in a mirror and my legs are SO BIG. So I'll be restricting and posting my progress once again to make myself accountable :)
One taught me love
One taught me patience
One taught me pain
Most inspirational thing I’ve read all year

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Honestly, I’m at my best when my ed is at it’s worst. My room is clean, I dress nice, I wash my face more, I whiten my teeth, I wear makeup, I do my hair. For some reason the only thing that pulls my out of my depression spiral is my ed and the only thing that pulls me out of my ed is my depression. Idk if anyone else feels like that? Idk I just always feel better when I’m losing weight and excersizing and not eating. Idk maybe it’s my body thinks I’m finally being healthy? But I’m not? So… idk, it’s just really weird.
I wanna be fit and eat 1500 calories of delicious food and work out and do yoga and be happy
I also wanna be sick and fast for a week and sleep to avoid eating and be alone
fuck it’s august??? what’s next? 2022???? can’t do this anymore
you don’t need to be skinny to be beautiful!
now, me on the other hand

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
3 months
It takes 3 months to make a drastic change to your appearance. By September you can be at your goal weight. By October you can dress in that Halloween costume you were waiting to wear until you lost the weight. By November you can wear big sweaters and cute socks and look ADORABLE. By December you can actually enjoy the holidays and not be concerned about that extra fat you used to carry around. By January, you can cross out “lose weight” from your New Year’s resolution because you were disciplined enough to get to your goal weight a long time ago. Just imagine where you could be if you just stick to your plans for the next 3 months.
It's the way I cover my mouth when I eat because I don't want anyone to see my chubby cheeks or my double chin as I chew.
It's the way I try to take up as little space as possible at any given time.
It's the way my sister takes me to the store and tells me to pick out an outfit and doesn't understand that there's not a thing there that will fit me and the whole trip is embarrassing.
It's the way I can't eat fast at a restaurant because I dont want to appear ravenous, but I can't eat slow because they'll know it's intentional, a performance.
It's the way every compliment is backhanded, sugar-coated criticism. Or pity for the ugly girl, a bone to chew on so she doesnt fuss. "You're so beautiful! You just need to lose a bit of weight."
It's wearing black all my life because I was told it's slimming, and then being asked, as an adult, by the same people, why I never wear color.
It's not being able to eat anything, healthy or no, without a loved one passing judgement, weighing your decision like it's the most important one you'll make all day, all week, in your entire life.
It's loving my hair, because my hair is the only thing I have going for me.
It's people not understanding my small moments of self love, of owning my body, because they assume I'm being clueless. How could I possibly love this?
It's the split, manic moments where I pinch my thigh, my arm, my stomach, my fat, and sincerely consider cutting it off with scissors, or a knife, and letting the hospital stitch me up, after.
It's feeling like I'm wasting my life being fat, because a fat person can't be happy, loved, warm, content.
It's not being able to go on rides at the fair.
It's wanting to sleep, for a long, long time, because if I'm sleeping, I'm not eating, and if im not eating I'll lose weight.
It's feeling guilty about every single thing I put into my body.
It's the way I can't look at my reflection without feeling disgust.
It's the way this body betrays me every day.