doof warrior

*capitalist voice* well, we could make sure everyone lives comfortably, but it would make the money sad

person: so what have you been up to me: (speaking very humble) well, I just got some new carpet.. it’s plush… person: (trying not to sound envious) pl… plush? wow. I hear thats the nicest of all carpets me: oh it’s nothing..

is there a part 2

ppl who hate wearing socks to bed what have U got to lose?? why deny urself warmth and comfort??

but me feets overheats

bare minimum? i thought you meant bear minimum. as in the smallest amount of bears possible. which is why i brought one bear. there’s one bear. aka. the smallest amount of bears possible. i mean this is a problem but at least it’s not like. bear maximum

replace myers-briggs with this

EVEN WITH THE TRANSLATION I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING AND IM ALSO CRYINF REALLY HARD

??? what is this ???

it’s a tray filled with fucking tubby custard that they jam up to the roof of your mouth and keep there. then they take it out and use the indents of your teeth to make retainers and stuff. it wouldn’t be that bad if it didn’t stay there that long, if the shit wasn’t flavored (’would u like bubblegum or cookie dough’ ‘i don’t really care they both taste like smoking rubber’), and if the ortho didn’t ALWAYS OVERFILL IT SO YOU END UP SWALLOWING LIKE A QUARTER OF THE STUFF AND GAGGING BECAUSE YOU’RE LITERALLY DEEP THROATING A PLASTIC TRAY AND THIS FUCKIN. PUDDING TEETH GLUE

The first time they did this to me I threw up on the dental hygienist :/

Yes