Sketching Shampoo

Xavier felt isolated even while surrounded by his teammates and demon partner. Not just isolated, he felt alone in his feelings, he kept all of his concerns, worries, and emotions all to himself and pretended to be fine while he was depressed. Xavier was sad, suicidal, filled with nothing but guilt, shame, and just feeling broken. Q wasn’t open with his emotions either and it strained their demon-human bond.

Xavier continued to be quiet and push his emotions down and compressed it, up to when DAMMED’s headquarters got attacked, set on fire and fell upon him and Q. Xavier was physically and metaphorically trapped in the situation where he couldn’t control or help get himself out. Xavier was always getting himself out of trouble or situations or issues. Xavier could never relay on anyone else but himself and it weigh hard on him mentally and it started to effect him physically. When the DAMMED building fell on him, Xavier’s thoughts were all about giving up and letting the concrete of the cracked ceiling on his body to crash him to death and end it all.

Xavier could hear the fire spreading around him and he could feel his bond with Q strain and grow faint as he sensed Q go in between consciousness from his own injuries. In that moment, all Xavier could think about was his father’s words and what he wanted Xavier to do, what being in the military caused Xavier to feel-to act. During this duration of being under the rumble of DAMMED headquarters and the fire, Xavier came to the conclusion that going back to his original feelings of not wanting to be in the military only leads to trouble for the world and for himself personally. Xavier had breaking bonds even before they became official. Breaking off his bond with Q because Q wanted him too, breaking up with Luca, breaking away from DAMMED and the people who he thought were not only teammates but family.

Joining DAMMED-military was his father’s path for him anyway. Seemed to be in consist conflict with his superiors questioning their and his own course of actions to be right. Part of it of wanting to question and take action was to prove himself and his own self worth to himself more than to anyone else. When Xavier and Q got pulled out from the destroyed DAMMED building, it had been almost close to three weeks. The rescue team had to wait to see if the terrorists would come back. Once it was safe to go back to the area, rescue teams got to work to find the living, the injured, and the dead. It was luck to be pulled out alive.

Three weeks under ramble led into recovery time that took months, a few years. Xavier was the first one to wake up. Within the months that followed Xavier’s serious wounds had healed and his skin still needed to cover bone but because Q was still in a coma; Xavier’s healing process had stalled. Q had used some of his powers to keep himself and Xavier alive until help could arrive and it took a heavy toll on his body.

As soon as Xavier could stand, he made sure to be close to Q but never entered his room. Xavier only allowed himself to sit on the bench on the opposite wall of Q’s hospital room in view of the door in the hallway. Xavier watched closely as the nurses, doctors, and demon specialists shift change and check on Q throughout the day. He would fall asleep on the same bench until a nurse woke him up and tell him to go to sleep in his own bed, sometimes getting someone to lead Xavier back because he wouldn’t leave on his own. Xavier had explained that he was bonded to Q and sometimes the nurses would allow him to stay but after three days they would be forced to lead Xavier back to his own bed to rest.

Xavier being tired and unhealthy would lead Q to worsen, seeing as they shared a connection to each other. This would go on for years and years. The hospital staff would begin to age and Xavier stayed the same, not taking any notice after a while until it had been going on 10 years of Q being in a deep recovering sleep until there was significant change in Q. Xavier had been sleeping and it wasn’t until a doctor had waited until he had gotten up on his own restless sleep to tell him that Q had finally woken up.

Xavier rushed passed the doctor, through the door and down the long halls of the hospital to get to Q but he stopped at the bench that he usually sat in and glanced into the open door to Q’s room. Was he allowed to face Q, could he face Q with his failures. Xavier felt like it was his fault that they had been there in the first place. If Xavier had passed the ranking up to First Class they wouldn’t have been where they had been when the attack came. Xavier let his guilt, shame, and fear get the best of him again. Just like during the ranking up he had let Q down, he felt like if he went into the room to face Q, he would be just repeating events again.

Why would Q want to see his face? A face that he didn’t even want to see either. So Xavier stood there behind everyone that he knew from DAMMED walk passed him, deaf to the kind words given to him and pats on his shoulder as they walked by to say hello to Q. Xavier believed that they’re were closer to Q than him, closer to his demon partner than he was to Q. Xavier felt like he just give himself the illusion of the closeness they shared— it never was there. Xavier and Q were never close to begin with, he had tried to cross that barrier but never broke through it.  

So once Xavier learned that Q was going to perfectly fine without him, he picked up his belongings and checked himself out of the hospital without telling anyone. Now checked out of the hospital and in street clothes, Xavier disappeared into the crowded busy streets of the city hospital. Xavier did not bring anything with him except for a handful of cash and a self appointed mission to find whoever targeted the DAMMED headquarters. Xavier stole a laptop from someone unobservant and used it to try to find where the last sighting of the rumored group that DAMMED First Class officers were investigating. Xavier wasn’t ignoring everything around him. Xavier found a secluded corner in the nearest library and begun to get to work as he started to searching the reports of DAMMED then checking out news reports and then went into the dark web to search for any mention of the rebel group or an location.

Xavier found it in a few hours and just before the library closed, he made his way to his superiors. Xavier went to the new tempt-HQ and asked to be removed from his blood bond with Q. Xavier had discussed it with Q before hand and Q had been insistent about ending their bond as soon as possible. After not passing the test to become First Class while everyone else in their group passed, it effected Q more heavily and deeper than it had Xavier— it had equality effected them both but Xavier was still in denial about how he truly felt about it. Xavier was not mentally there and had no control over his actions like with most people with undiagnosed depression. Xavier’s superior’s were shocked by this turn of events and had no idea that their relationship had gotten so deteriorated after the attack. The superiors had not seen the sign nor noticed any change between them. Xavier had continued the confident and happy front that he wore like a mask in front of them each time they had checked on him during his stay in the hospital.

After much insistence and speaking to Q, Xavier’s bond had been severed, he was ready to travel across the world to find the suspected rebel group that attacked their ‘home.’ Xavier had to do this mission alone and without any ties to his previous life with DAMMED. With a paid ticket for a 16 hour flight, a packed backpack with the bare essentials, Xavier left his assigned barracks to his new fate in the wasteland of a far away desert. The ride there was a blur as well as going through security, taking his shoes off then putting them on the conveyor belt with his backpack to be scanned while he got scanned as well. Xavier set himself on autopilot and hardly spoke a word to anyone; he only spoke when spoken to and to be polite. If anyone wanted to ask him in the future, Xavier wouldn’t be able to. His brain didn’t save or stored any of it.

Xavier steadily walked to his rented car and tossed his backpack in the passenger seat and lost no time starting the engine to make quick time to his destination to where he thought the rebel group had been making camp. The rebel groups weren’t well known in other circles and there had only been tidbits and rumors about their movements. This faction of rebels that had pulled away from the military and the actual person who was behind the attack on DAMMED; made sure that their off and online footprint was at a minimum. However in some weird twist of fate, Xavier had managed to catch wind of this group’s pattern and code. Xavier had reflected on it one night alone during his early days of research that it seemed so odd yet familiar. Like it had to be him to find it, no one else would’ve caught it.

Half way through the desert, even through Xavier’s had prepared extra fuel and rations for the trip through the harsh desert, he did not take into account the wear the tires of the car would have. The only luck Xavier had was that the hot sun was beginning to set just as he ran through the last of his gas. Xavier turned the engine off and pulled his backpack into his lap to check where he was on his satellite phone to see how much further he was from the suspected location of the rebel group. A few clicks on the device in his hand, it showed Xavier that it was about 50 miles ahead of him. If Xavier started now he could try to find shelter closer to their camp and figure out a place to spy on them from afar.

However the number on the satellite phone seemed easier to wrap his mind around but to actually walk it in the cold night air was another challenge all together, Xavier was well prepared for this but he wasn’t a trained marathoner nor had his recovery included physical therapy to build back up his muscles he had lost while he was healing in the hospital. Every health professional was more concerned about keeping him alive. Xavier had rested for too long and lost alot of his muscle. However no one would’ve guessed that leaving the bond so quickly and then exerting himself would have dire consequences.

Added weight to his back and shoulders from quickly packing his sleeping bag and a UV proof tent seem to cause everything in him to shrift. Walking on the sand was uneven, and unpredictable but Xavier pushed through it and made it a game each hill he encountered. Xavier had no idea that it had nothing to do with his backpack nor anything that he was carrying with him. It had been from within, Xavier’s body was rebelling against it’s self. Rejecting Xavier as just a normal human again, with demon blood still inside him, it caused his body to start to attack it’s self like an autoimmune disease. It saw these cells as foreign and begun to destroy every mutated cells. Without being near a professional or going through this before, Xavier had no idea in what was happening to him.

Just before a few feet of getting to cover, Xavier could not push any further and he passed out onto the desert floor. His knees hit the ground first as sand dug into his face as he landed with a soft thud and his backpack felt like it crashed him. Xavier was transported back when he was under the heavy debris. Xavier’s last thought before loosing consciousness, was that he had failed this mission as well. He would die here as soon as the sun rose and hit him.

Xavier’s fate wasn’t to dry out in the desert and die, a group of three or four people with a truck trailing close behind found him just before the sun broke the sun hill that hid Xavier from the rays. One of the individuals in the group was heard shouting in a harsh voice ‘just leave him there!’ But this person had been out voted. This group individual helped anyway and was going to pick up Xavier and bring him with, with wherever they were headed to.

Turns out that this small group of people were with a few more people. This group had about 16 individuals among them and it was the rebel group that Xavier was planning on spying on. Now the rebel group was going to take care of Xavier. Once the group of four pulled into the multiple of tempt-tents circling a bigger common area, the driver quickly jumped out heading into the medical tent and two other strong looking individuals passed him with a board to carry Xavier in the tent easier. Another passenger of the car who was sitting in the back jumped out with an irritated look on his face as he opened the back of the car and unhooked the bottom part of the trunk to start to drag Xavier out of the back.

Xavier was still unconscious but he had begun shaking into a cold sweat. He was starting to burn up as well. How could a person’s body be doing these two things at the same time at these rapid intervals. The driver of the car had seen it so many times before. ‘He’s been unbounded to a demon after being bonded for a while—maybe after a strain? Judging by those wounds on him.’ The other individual stared down at the unconscious Xavier.  ‘The wounds on him? They aren’t healing right?’ The same irrirated individual frowning person asked confused. This person had not seen this happen before either. This person is the medical person for the whole camp, he is a Holy Demon; dressed in somber colors, muted and dulled by the bright sun but a warm face when it wasn’t frowning. Which was rare. Their observing Xavier came to a end when their patient started to shake violently in their hold. There was no time to talk anymore. Action and a decision had to be made. This decision had to be made immediately.

The Holy Demon was going to bond himself to this stranger to save his life. Xavier was going to learn how soon he had to face something he wanted to ignore for as long as he could. The universe had other plans for him.  

“I’m so sorry, Q” Xavier breathed through a bad nightmare while he laid upon the bed in the medical tent.

The leader of the rebel group that had some medical training but not as much as their local Holy demon and had to tell the Holy demon that Xavier had to be bonded to another demon as soon as possible and it couldn’t wait to be transported to an actual demon-human supportive hospital. Xavier had to be bonded intimately or he would die within minutes. The older adult begins to take blood samples from all of the unbounded demons in the camp and find only one appears to be a perfect match for Xavier. The Holy demon was busy trying to keep Xavier from falling off the bed and punching Holy demon or punching something else nearby.

Holy demon didn’t have time to ask the Boss about who had matched with Xavier until the Boss said his name. ‘Yeah?’ Holy demon replied thinking it had to do with taking care with Xavier(the stranger). ‘No. Holy demon you are the only match.’ Boss stated. Holy demon let go of Xavier and stood up straight slowly as he dead stare at Boss.

‘What?’ Holy demon breathed in disbelief. ‘Wha’ Holy demon mouthed as he stared back at Boss when he repeated the information about Xavier and Holy demon. Holy demon had to be told that the only match for Xavier was his blood. On the fourth time it finally sunk in. ‘No. Someone else.’ Holy demon lowered one of his shoulders disturbed at the news that he just heard. The one thing that he never wanted to hear, ringed in his ears as loud as if he was at the loudest concert. Holy demon squeezed his fingers tightly into fists before loosening them again and counted this three time before he steeled himself to come back to reality. ‘Right. What do you need me to do?’ Holy demon said determined to Boss. ‘Are you sure? I know how—‘ Boss replied concerned. Boss knew how Holy demon felt about humans and even more about blood bonds.

(Didn’t want to be bonded with anyone because you would have to trust another person, put your life on the line for someone else. Your life is tied to another life. too much pressure and heavy to make sure that you have to keep both of those lives alive.)

‘I made up my mind.’ Holy demon said coldly but firmly. Boss knew what that voice meant. Once Holy demon made up his mind, there was no more changing it. ‘Gimme your arm.’ Boss commanded. Holy demon followed without saying a word and they worked as fast as they could to set up the blood transfusion and bond set up. Speechless, while Holy demon and Boss worked knowing what the other needed wordlessly and the process finished with time to spare. Boss told Holy demon to get ready so Holy demon picked the closest bed out of the way and lay on his back.

Boss prepared the transfusion tubes and gently begun to put one end into Holy demon’s arm and then turned to do the same with Xavier’s arm. ‘I need to warn you. This is going to be painful. I don’t— we don’t have time to make it painless. I used the old method.’ Boss stated concern clear in his voice. ‘I don’t care. I’ve had worse.’ Holy demon replied coldly. ‘Just get it- this over with and don’t waste anymore time.’ Holy demon growled back. Boss put the speed on as he worked to save Xavier.

Xavier slowly calmed down as the blood transfusion took effect. After a few minutes Xavier had stopped shaking completely, his temperature went down, and starts to wake up. Xavier’s eyes blinked a few time before they fully open to observe the ceiling of the tent. First panic filled his chest because he didn’t recognize the room, Xavier did not know where he was now, the last thing he remembers is when he was dying on the sand. Then his eyes fell closed again because his eyelids felt heavy that he needed more rest. Xavier soon grew to be in a daze while the transfer begun to flow through his veins.

Xavier’s eyes flashed open for a second seeing someone near him wearing pink, he thought he saw someone he knew and started to speak even if it was strained and hard to hear because of his dry throat. ‘Q…’ Xavier whispered, catching Holy demon’s attention causing him to sit up on the edge of the bed to watch Xavier from where he sat. ‘Who the fuck is Q?’ Holy demon asked annoyed. This stranger lied dying and the best he could do to show his appreciation was to call someone’s else name. Then in a second Xavier awoke, as if his systems were never there.

Xavier shot up quickly at the waist. ‘Where am I?’ Xavier’s voice cracked. Xavier’s eyes wandered downwards to his own arm and could not ignore the IV in his arm then followed the line to another Holy Demon. It was a blood bonding transfusion. The color drops from his face, Xavier can not continue to sit there and tries to get up from the bed but two pairs of hands grab at his shoulders and arms restraining him in place onto the bed. Xavier is in a panic. ‘No, no, no you can’t!’ Xavier yells out. ‘You shouldn’t—‘ Xavier repeats panicked, worry, fanatic that he killed or hurt anyone else. A set of hands stopped Xavier’s hands from pulling the IV in his arm out. ‘You can’t do that! Not yet, at least’ Another voice pulled Xavier’s focus away from the IV in his arm breaking his panic. Xavier relaxed and leaned into the two sets of hands holding him back. ‘Not yet’ Xavier mouthed back. ‘not dead?’ Xavier asked breathless with his dry mouth. ‘We’re not dead.’ Holy demon replied detached. Xavier dead stared at the demon’s arm and then up at the demon’s face with a toothy half smile. ‘We’re partners now.’ Holy demon announced assured. Xavier leans back and face palms with his free IV hand, covering his face. Tired, everything was catching up to him now. ‘Are you sure?’ Xavier asked without looking. ‘No.’ Holy demon replied keeping his tone even. ‘Had no choice in the matter.’ Holy demon added nonchalant.

Xavier looked at Holy demon from behind his fingers. ‘Sorry’ Xavier apologized, thinking that he had forced this new Holy Demon —here was another person that he let down and didn’t even needed to be awake for it. Xavier, still causing trouble for others and letting others; letting himself down again. Xavier was reminded of what he caused—it had not been his fault but that didn’t make him think rationally about it. Xavier still felt shitty about what happened with Q and how their connection broke or how it went and ultimately ended. And now Xavier has already ruined a new bond by forcing it to happen.

‘Having no choice but to be bonded to me’ Xavier breathed. Holy demon notices Xavier’s face change to melancholy-sad and frowned. ‘It was the only way to save your life.’ Holy demon glared thinking that Xavier was not appreciative enough and doesn’t like demons because Xavier still has DAMMED clothes on — so enemy. ‘Ungrateful—‘ Holy demon thinks to himself. The connection and feeling emotions not working or not being able to go through yet between them.

However the bond was beginning to grow and show slowly shocks and flashes of each other’s emotions. ‘Don’t take it like that. I didn’t want you to die on me.’ Holy demon said back getting a moment of Xavier’s emotion before it faded again. Xavier massages his hurting head, noticing them too. ‘I’m the selfish one here.’ Holy demon growled indignant. ‘So stop looking like that.’ Holy demon demanded. ‘Like what’ Xavier looks to the Holy demon side-eyed under his eyelid. ‘Like I kicked a puppy, and your the puppy.’ Holy demon scolded sounding annoyed but playful. The other two in the room chuckled but one of them pushed the Holy demon on the shoulder lightly, playfully— almost family like.

‘You need rest’ Holy demon said. The two people that had held Xavier back from getting up and pulling his IV out made a silent acknowledgment as they left the room. Boss was the only other person in the room, Xavier had not noticed him there until now but he too soon left the room leaving him and Holy demon the people left in the room, a tent. Holy demon laid down back onto his bed which was next to Xavier’s. ‘We can’t be apart from each other for too long, I hear. I never imagined I would ever be blood connected to a human. Especially now.’ Holy demon talked more to the empty room.

‘You don’t like me?’ Xavier asked the celling. ‘No— why do you keep doing that? Really pisses me off—!’ Holy demon growled but paused before continuing calmer. ‘No, i don’t like— really don’t trust humans.’ Holy demon stated. ‘Before this I avoided everyone— humans the most. This bloody war started, being in the desert and being watched, hunted by the military because we’re the terrorists? Yeah right. Probably blew themselves up.’ Holy demon snorted. ‘Yeah, probably.’ Xavier breathed back. ‘How did you get those markings?’ Holy demon asked glancing in Xavier’s direction.

‘My scars? From a blown up building. The DAMMED HQ.’ Xavier said. ‘You were in the building?” Holy demon asked. ‘I was— I am— I guess used to be in the DAMMED project.” Xavier let loose, it didn’t matter now. Holy demon sat up to turn to Xavier. ‘What!? You’re part of DAMMED?’ Holy demon exclaimed. ‘Didn’t you hear? I WAS. Past tense. I don’t— I wasn’t fitting in. I’m not welcomed there anymore. They don’t want a failure nor someone who doesn’t want to rank up, follow orders. Someone like me who is worthless, useless or someone unreliable. I didn’t pass my test even when I had time and could do it. I just didn’t do it. I let myself fail. I made sure I came up short. why would they want me? After what I done? I wasn’t worth saving. Pulled from out of rumble and left to die— left buried under the place I gave up, you saved a shell of a person. Why did you risk your life to live with—make me gain immortality with you?’ Xavier let loose causing him to weep, tears uncontrollably fell down his face, trailing down behind his ears, his cheeks, and his runny nose almost choking him. Making it impossible to lay on his back anymore.

Holy demon stood up into action at the first sound of Xavier’s tears, he immediately noticed Xavier’s voice cracking as he continued to confess to him or to the room. It seemed to not matter either way but Holy demon was there and he was compelled to reach Xavier the fastest way possible. Holy demon slid off the edge of the bed, took one large step to crawl onto Xavier’s beds; knees first, leaning over Xavier slowly.

Holy demon’s hands cupped Xavier’s jawline, fingers brushing Xavier’s ears and halfway into his messy beautiful hair as he stared into Xavier’s eyes austerely but comforting. A reassuring glaze met Xavier’s panicked eyes. Xavier’s breaths quick and shallow from his silent cry turned into a full body anxiety attack. Holy demon used his thumb to wipe the tears that fell on Xavier’s cheeks smoothly. Slow and soft, Holy demon’s fingers and palms felt like silk. The texture of Holy demon’s hands on Xavier helped to pull Xavier out of his panic-cry gradually. Until all that came out were Xavier’s sniffles, from a stuffed up nose.