Goth Twink that Loves the Colors Pink and Green

I finally bought that dating sim that everyone's been raving about for months now: Date Everything. The only thing I knew going into the game was the voice actor for Chat Noir was in the game as another black cat. I wasn't expecting the pure, unfiltered chaos! I absolutely love this game already! Also I love the anti AI tidbit at the start of the game. Also, why is my bed horny?

I'm absolutely over the moon right now! So I was in the mood to play an old DS game my late mom had in her collection that's a bunch of card, board, and party games put together in one game and she gave me this game a while ago because her DS broke in 2012 and never got it fixed and one of the games in this DS game was Chess, and Chess is my FAVORITE board game of all time to the point I was in Chess Club in both high school and college (and I also happen to own the collectable Super Mario Chess Set, the Pokémon collectible Chess set is next on my wishlist and honestly it's my dream Chess set) but when I was a kid, I couldn't win against the computer in the game. Well I played the Chess game for the first time in over a decade AND I FINALLY WON!!! This computer predates AI but TAKE THAT YOU, CLANKER!!! WOOHOO!!! 🎉

You know what would be a funny business idea? Selling daily planners with LGBTQ+ flag designs on the cover and have writing on the cover that says "The Gay Agenda". I would buy one.

Not sure if this is an autistic thing or everyone knows about this but Halloween has a smell. It has its own scent. If you don't know what I'm talking about, let me explain. Whenever I shop for Halloween decor, try on costumes, look at animatronics, or go to a haunted house, it ALL smells the same! It has a sweet, linen/silk, almost plastic smell. No matter what store it is or what product I'm looking at, it ALL has the same scent! I was shopping at Dollar Tree today and they had their Halloween stuff out and I smelled the scent and got curious if anyone else has ever noticed this. I refuse to believe I'm the only one that has! And no, I don't go around smelling store merchandise like a freak. I have a pretty strong sense of smell and can smell it from a few feet away but when I'm shopping it's saturating the air.

Everytime I try to rant about my depression, Tumblr won't let me post or save to my drafts. Even my own ranting blog is telling me to shut the hell up because why would anyone care? I'm not in a depressive episode, I was just ranting about how I can't just "positive mindset" my depression away because I think too logically for it to just be emotional and I have actual events and facts that back up my negative thoughts and I was naming examples and Tumblr refused to save it to my drafts. I got an error code and a "try again" but the post was already gone by that point so I couldn't just try again. And this has ONLY happened when I rant about my depression. Honestly to the point it's funny to me. Like literally my life matters so little that even the internet fucking hates me! 🤣 Any other post will get posted, it's just when I really get into why I hate myself and why other people hate me it gets an error code! Biggest sign from the universe that I'm worthless! 🤣 Good thing it was just a rant because if it was an actual depressive episode, I might've actually just ended everything.

The urge to relearn Spanish just to get more Spellentine fan content is strong within me. And by relearn, I mean learn more Spanish, I can carry basic conversations and read some articles in Spanish, I just haven't practiced since highschool. (It's kinda hard for me to practice because I'm deaf so speaking and hearing comprehension is difficult. I can read other languages very well, I used to study them for fun, it's just difficult overall for me to learn a language since I can only learn and use it in one way. I do have limited hearing but I rely on lip reading to actually understand people and the old listening comprehension videos I used to look up for learning languages didn't have actual people, just infographics or no people at all. And as far as speaking goes, I have speech impediments due to my hearing so I can't really learn to speak languages. I grew up in a Sicilian household so my accent is perfect, I just can't talk. 😅 And ironically I took Spanish classes in school because I found my family's native language to be difficult. More or less because it changes depending on where you are in Italy and my family comes from an Italian region that has a dying dialect and thinks they're their own separate ethnicity. Spanish was so much easier compared to that! I still joke to this day that Latin languages is 50% Spanish, 10% actual Latin, and 40% Italians arguing over which dialect is the REAL Italian language. And if you think I'm wrong, go look up "Good morning" in Italian on Google translate and tell me how many answers pop up. Last I checked, it was four.) I need more Valentine X Spelldon content! But unfortunately Duolingo shot itself in the foot by making their app AI so I gotta do some research on which language learning apps don't kill our environment. Must learn for the sake of yaoi!

So the movie Obsession finally hit Peacock this morning so I finally got to watch it for the first time and honestly, as a long time horror fan, some things legit frightened me! I LOVED it! Since I've been a fan of horror since middle school, horror movies rarely get me spooked or disturbed now but Obsession NAILED it! Oh and one of my friends accidentally made one of the scares 4D. Because I'm deaf, my phone has some LOUD notifications and vibrates and during the first kill, there is a jumpscare and I was watching it on my phone and one of my friends happened to react to some reels I sent her on Instagram so as soon as the character Nikki pops on screen, my phone starts vibrating and making very loud noises which caused me to immediately shit myself and drop my phone on my face while screaming because I was very immersed in the movie and that was some divine intervention timing on my friend's part! 😭 I thought something had gone horribly wrong or there was some new movie watching technology that brings the 4D experience to your home. The kills happen at the very end of the movie so I enjoyed the last few minutes of it before telling said friend that she sent me into a panic attack and she thought it was fucking hilarious. (I mean it is, but in the moment I thought I was about to die. I have CPTSD so my fight or flight is beyond repair and I was NOT expecting an IRL jumpscare with the movie so in the moment it wasn't that funny. Horror movies are one of my coping mechanisms because the scares are supposed to be fake. It's supposed to be a controlled environment! 😅) Since the movie is new to streaming, I won't do a full review of my opinions yet (and if my ADHD allows me to remember to make one), but I have some in depth analysis in the back of my head about it.

I don't mention my split personality disorder often but I need to vent about one of my splits specifically today. This blog is mostly my venting space anyways so... Anyways, one of my split personalities is basically me when I was 2 years old. My parents started neglecting me at that age and I gone through a lot of medical trauma then because that's the age my family found out I was disabled and my hearing doctor told them I'd learn to speak if they neglected me until I spoke properly and my parents refused to acknowledge me after that age due to being disabled so most of my photos at home were of me at 2 years old and that's why she's a split personality of mine because that was the last age we felt loved by our parents. (I have an intersex condition and this split is too young to decide what gender she wants to go with but presents herself as my childhood photos which were taken in a dress so we call her she/they pronouns. She doesn't lean towards anything specific and she's nonverbal because we're deaf so if she does, she can't communicate that very well. So far our communications are very few words, baby sign language, and vibes. She also learned a new word the other week. She learned "woof" because she wanted to talk to our dog. 🥹 Literally the cutest thing ever! We do have very limited hearing so she's able to learn new words, it just takes a very long time.) So me and the other main personality were busy all morning because our sister forgot her wallet at home and she's using our car because hers has a flat tire so we had to hitch a ride with our grandparents and we ran errands with them all morning and the little split wanted to play with her crayons all morning, poor kid was bored to tears without her toys. (Since I collect dolls, I let her play with my collection with some restrictions so the dolls aren't destroyed or taken apart. Her favorites are Valentine, Spelldon, Elphaba, and Catnap. Kiddo's got good taste, she got it from me! 🤪 She also has her own toys but is at that age where if she sees her big brothers "play" with dolls, she has to play with those exact dolls too.) Since she is so small in age, someone has to co front with her for safety reasons and as soon as we got dropped off at home, we got her crayons out and let her play but our grandma, who just dropped us off not even five minutes before this point, immediately started blasting our phone because our sister started complaining to her about a broken toilet at home and the water bill being high. Constant notifications and ringing on our phone is a huge sound trigger for our shared autism so I took over to handle the situation but the little's playtime got cut off so many times in one half hour, she refused to front again once she was cleared to do so because she was already overstimulated and she got cut off over 20 times and at that point didn't want to keep playing. And this kiddo is so timid and afraid of her own shadow that she rarely even wants to front and she's been doing it more in the past few weeks (so proud of her for that!) so now I'm scared that progress got ripped away over a broken toilet and several text messages from someone who literally had ALL MORNING to talk to us about this and just dropped us off at home. And to top it off, the kid is also crying now because she's upset she didn't get to play and she's not understanding that she can play now because of how many times we got interrupted! It's so fucking frustrating! I'm not mad at the little, I'm mad at my grandma and sister who had us all morning but chose to give us absolutely no time to ourselves the moment we got home and made a 2 year old cry! And our grandma is notoriously a bitch to us so she's genuinely being evil by making the little split cry! We even told her we wanted a moment of rest as a polite way of telling her to shut up but she refused to because our sister was also running her mouth! I'm tired of this shit! Genuinely tired!