Inhibitions

I have a feeling I am on my way to being a cougar. Well, it's a long way I am barely 30 but I already have a thing for younger guys (18+). I have to take care of myself so I can enjoy younger guys when I'm older.

Some of my kinks that others deem unacceptable and will get me kicked out, banned or blocked:

raceplay WMAF, BWC

CNC / r4pe (used to be big for me when I was younger along with DDLG)

cheating, especially secretly (yeah)

Kinks that I am not interested in:

anything that harms me, puts my life or others' lives in danger

asphyxiation/ breath play, hard choking, use of pillows or water (ties to above)

electricity, i don't fuck with that

too much violence or degradation or pain inflicted especially upon a woman, sadism

bodily fluids like blood or piss, except saliva

MAP

bestiality

much older men, respectfully

It's interesting to see how my tastes have evolved as I age. I was definitely more submissive when I was younger, now I find myself switching and being drawn to more active, mature roles such as mommy, hotwife, cuckolding. I was very much into degradation and humiliation and older men and ugly bastards as a teen, now I completely flipped and like younger men, studs, dominating as a woman.

And there are kinks that I should definitely do more of such as hotwifing, cuckolding, voyeurism and exhibitionism (including public sex). I would just need to find willing and safe partners, but it's much harder than I realize.

Let me start by saying I truly believe in my heart that I am capable of real love and a committed relationship. You can have your opinions about how this is possible but I will not argue further about my own capabilities or desires. Sexual compatibility is one of the things that I really look for in a relationship. In my 10 years experience of dating, I found that my orientation and desires typically go out of the norm. Not too long ago I found that I was not completely straight when I began having wet dreams and daydreams about having sex and relationships with women independent of male attention or satisfaction. Next I also found that I might not be monogamous as I am attracted to multiple people at a given time and I do not see why I need to hold myself back from having multiple relationships of varying degrees besides dominant societal conditioning (though I also don't feel the need to let everybody know or make it anybody's business). However it's worth discussing that I believe that humans are complex social and sexual animals (some are less than others) and we are capable of complex relationships. Personally I would like to build a strong sexual and emotional bond with a primary partner, while being able to explore intimate relationships with other people. I would like to allow both or one of us (me, if partner agrees) to have relationships outside the primary relationship, enjoy partners between ourselves, and seek partners on our own.

Now I am left wondering how I can actually make this happen. I am currently single and searching, and I was talking to one potential mate and when it came to the discussion of sexual compatibility, I was pleased to learn they had kinks of their own. It's off to a good start as I feel they are more likely to be welcoming and accepting of my own kinks. However I was still afraid to share my deepest innermost desires as I stuck to the more "popular" "acceptable" kinks such as bdsm, daddy dom, rough play, choking, spanking. I had to ask the potential partner how they felt about group sex, and they mentioned it's something we'd have to work towards. They also mentioned they're demisexual, and I get the feeling they can be a very jealous, possessive partner. I don't know how to go about it. So far this is the closest I found to a kinky partner.

For the record, I like group sex MMF, FFM, even two couples. I never actually experienced more except one instance of MMF, and it was so hot. Granted I was drunk and I was probably taken advantage of, but I still got off to it. Kissed both men goodbye as I struggled to walk off home alone after lmao. Not my proudest moment.