Writerly Rants

Light Installations by Rune Guneriussen

Rune Guneriussen (born 1977 in Norway) is an artist working in the transition between installation and photography. As a conceptual artist, he works site specific, primarily in nature.The work on objects started in 2005 and has been photographed on locations all over Norway. His Facebook.

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Mignon Fogarty, creator of this (fake) magazine cover, explains, “One day in the supermarket check-out line, I started daydreaming about what a hype-filled, trashy magazine for language lovers would look like. Here’s what I came up with.”

You gotta have money in the bank, marketable skills, sponsors, monthly check ups with immigration, and a multi tier application process that takes about 10 years.

Why 4 FEET 8.5 Inches is Very Important

Fascinating Stuff …

Railroad Tracks The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches.

That’s an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used?

Because that’s the way they built them in England, and English expatriates designed the U.S. Railroads.

Why did the English build them like that?

Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that’s the gauge they used.

Why did ‘they’ use that gauge then?

Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Why did the wagons have that particular Odd wheel spacing?

Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that’s the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So, who built those old rutted roads?

Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.

Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

Therefore, the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot.

In other words, bureaucracies live forever.

So the next time you are handed a specification, procedure, or process, and wonder, ‘What horse’s ass came up with this?’, you may be exactly right.

Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses.

Now, the twist to the story:

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, you will notice that there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs.

The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah.

The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit larger, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.

The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel.

The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses’ behinds.

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world’s most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse’s ass.

And you thought being a horse’s ass wasn’t important!

Now you know, Horses’ Asses control almost everything.

Now, I do not hold any sort ofbeef or dislike anyone who prefers the 2005 adaptation over any otheradaptation of Pride and Prejudice. Partly because everyone’s preference isunique, and mostly because I’m not a massive head of a dick.

My relationship with the 2005 film iscomplex because there are three parts of me whenever I watch a film.

The director and the writer and the fan.

The director likes the film very much.She adores the editing, how the scenes are lit, how Marianelli’s music soperfectly moves the scenes along and evokes the feelings of the characters, thecostumes, the acting. The little touches and production details, she isparticularly fond of.

The writer finds the film to be rathermiddle-of-the-road. There’s good writing in there, wit and some good ideas.(Whoever came up with the idea of Elizabeth and Darcy’s first touch comingthrough him helping her into the carriage needs to get an award, because somuch subtext and the writer lurvessubtext.) But she finds that sometimes, the writing is a bit too modern and itdoesn’t really properly evoke the Regency era for her as other adaptations havedone in the past.

The fan hates some of the changes. Thealternative ending shall not be spoken of, for one. Another severely dislikesthe overly giggly nature of Elizabeth Bennet. Kiera Knightley is a very goodactress, but Elizabeth was always meant to be, for the fan, a bit more serious.Inclined to laugh, obviously, but grounded. Lydia is flighty, flirting withoutthought for the effect it has on the rest of her family. Elizabeth however, isproud and therefore, pragmatic. By making Lizzy more giggly, zipping aboutmaking sarcastic comments, it just makes the film lack a bit of gravitas.

Putting all that together, basically Ifind that though a beautifully made film, the 2005 adaptation is just toofluffy and too on the nose. I understand that it’s a film and therefore changeshave to be made to fit everything into 2 hours, but it misses the mark on alot, and that makes it, as I said, fluffy. I want some sharpness to my P&P,you know?

Take the 1995 adaptation. I know it’s talky,a bit stagey and a bit stiff in some places but it lies deep in my heart,embedded there for always. Everyone talks about Darcy and Elizabeth being inthe thundering rain in the 2005 film and I’ll be honest, that is a fantasticscene with that almost kiss but 1995, HOLY HELL. THIS REQUIRES EXTENDEDCAPSLOCK BECAUSE ELIZABETH BENNET LIT UP BY SUNSHINE AS SHE TEARS FITZWILLIAMDARCY, OWNER OF THE PEMBERLEY ESTATE AND EARNER OF 10 GRAND A YEAR,  A NEW ONE.

LOOK AT DARCY.

HE’S REHEARSED THAT SPEECH. YOU KNOW HE HAS. TEN TIMES, OVER AND OVER, IN FRONT OF HIS BATHROOM MIRROR. HIS VALET’S ALL, ‘THE GREEN WAISTCOAT OR THE WHITE, SIR?’ AND DARCY’S JUST LIKE, ‘YOU MUST ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU HOW ARDENTLY I ADMIRE AND LOVE YOU’ AND THE VALET’S ALL ‘UMMMM THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR’ (and yes that is aBlackadder Goes Forth reference, what)

ANYWAY. HE SAYS THIS SHIT TO ELIZABETH.

‘YEP, I’LL IMPLY THAT SHE’S SHIT POOR AND IT’LL BE EMBARRASSING FOR ME TO MARRY HER, SHE’S SO GONNA SAY YES RIGHT NOW, GOOD ONE DARCY.’

MEANWHILE LIZZY’S RAGE IS GENTLY SIMMERING IN A POT OF ‘I’M GOING TO KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS.’

THEN, WHEN DARCY’S ALL TALKED OUT, THIS LOOK AND THESE WORDS. AS LIZZY PREPARES TO GIVE THIS FUCKSTICK THE BURN OF HIS LIFE. 

THAT IS A LOOK WHICH TELLS YOU SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN.

AND DARCY. HE KNOWS HE’S ABSOLUTELY FUCKED. LOOK AT THIS, AND DON’T TELL ME THAT ISN’T THE FACE OF A MAN WHO’S JUST PROCESSED THE WORDS HE’S JUST HEARD AND KNOWS DEEP DOWN HE’S ABOUT TO GET KICKED OUT OF THE BACK DOOR ONTO HIS FACE.

IN FACT, DARCY’S REACTIONS AS SHE TEARS INTO HIM IS A THING OF BEAUTY.

‘THIS IS… NOT GOING THE WAY I PLANNED’

‘THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT GOING THE WAY I PLANNED’

‘OKAY BUT SHE HASN’T TECHNICALLY SAID NO YET, I MAY BE IN WITH A CHANCE’ 

BUT THEN

‘OH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE SISTER’

‘WAIT HOW DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT BINGLEY’

‘DAMN YOU FITZWILLIAM’

‘ALRIGHT FUCK IT, I DID FUCK UP YOUR SISTER’S HAPPINESS SO WHAT’

THEN LIZZY BRINGS UP WICKHAM

‘UGH FUCKING WICKHAM WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THAT DUDE’

BUT LIZZY CONTINUES AND DARCY REALISES THIS IS ABOUT MORE THAN BASTARD WICKHAM

‘OKAY NO, I HAVE ACTUALLY SEVERELY FUCKED UP’

SO HE TURNS ON HER

‘WELL YOU’RE POOR AND YOUR FAMILY IS SHIT SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY TO THAT HUH’

THEN LIZZY TURNS BACK TO HIM WITH THIS LOOK.

AND DARCY’S REACTION.

THAT NIGGLING THOUGHT HE HAD DEEP DOWN THAT HE WAS FUCKED – THAT HAS JUST COME LOOMING UP TO THE FOREGROUND, WAVING A FLAG WHICH HAS THE WORDS ‘WE ARE DOOMED’ SPLAYED ACROSS IT IN ELEGANT REGENCY FONT

BUT LIZZY AIN’T FINISHED YET

BEAUTIFUL SUMMER SHINESHINE IS POURING THROUGH THOSE WINDOWS, BIRDS ARE MOST LIKELY TWEETING, THE LEAVES ON THE TREES ARE BURSTING GREEN AND LIZZY IS THROWING EVERY WORD OF HER REJECTION OF DARCY AT HIM LIKE THEY’RE NINJA THROWING STARS OR SOME SUCH SHIT

LOOK AT THAT LOOK. THAT IS THE LOOK THAT PUTS FLESH ON MY BONES, BEATS IN MY HEART, AIR IN MY LUNGS AND FOOD IN MY BELLY.

AND WHAT’S HIS REACTION? WHAT’S THIS FUCKER’S REACTION TO THE MOST SAVAGE REJECTION HE’S POSSIBLY EVER HAD IN HIS LIFE? AS A WOMAN, LIZZY HAS VERY FEW OPTIONS IN THIS ERA. HE COULD RUIN ALL OF THOSE OPTIONS, RUIN HER, BY HEADING OUT OF THERE AND TELLING EVERYONE HE MEETS ‘DON’T GO FOR THAT ELIZABETH BENNET SHE’S RUDE AND UNGRATEFUL AND THE WORST KIND OF WOMAN’ BUT—

HE LEAVES. THIS UTTER WANKER APOLOGISES FOR TAKING UP HER TIME AND NOBLY, QUIETLY, LEAVES, NOT FORGETTING TO WISH HER WELL BEFORE HE GOES.

And suddenly, that’s a glimmer of the good behind the pompous arsehole. He listens to Lizzy’s rejection, savage and filled with truth, and he writes a letter to her in response. 

How very fucking British.

Happy Halloween!

- http://noonasoverforks.com/happy-halloween/

Well, this is a message to all the ppl who thinks that there’s a one sided love line Between Yoojin and Jeha, saying that she loves him.

Basically the PD killed that ship with a few words. He said that there is NO love line between them, not even one sided from her, he says that it’s just her good acting that makes it look like she’s in love with Jeha, when she’s not. She only worries for him. He also says that the way she acts annoyed them this days, because it made people think that YJ has love feelings for JeHa, when she doesn’t, which causes trouble on the plot, because ppl gets the wrong idea. But he says that they can’t ask her to put less effort on her acting, that they can’t do that.

So in other words, i’m shocked too, cause i thought that YJ had one sided feelings for JeHA, but basically she doesn’t, LMAO. He basically wanted to point out the fact, that love doesn’t exist between them

The only love line here is Jehanna, and that will never change. Even if Yoojin had real feelings for him, it would be one sided, since JeHa’s so in love with Anna, and that wouldn’t change. I’m thankful that he said that, to be honest.

BTW: Round of applause to Song Yoona, that made us all think that Yoojin was in love with JeHa when she’s not, because she puts so much emotion. That shows how good actress she is, she deceived us all, and even put in trouble the plot of the k2, LMAO.

Here’s what the PD said: 

i.e. the fundamental question is, why would creating a love line equal “putting more effort” or “good acting”????? That makes no sense whatsoever. In fact, it’s BAD ACTING in one context and BAD WRITING in another context.