* 𝑩𝑶𝑵𝑬 / 𝑴𝑨𝑹𝑹𝑶𝑾.

// hey everyone, so trust me, i hate to be    that    person, but i think it’s better for me if i just left this fandom aside for the time being. i just don’t know how to handle myself here ??    &&    as much as i love kimimaro, i’m just going to put him on an indefinite hiatus    &&    leave it at that.

i don’t want anyone to think i’m mad at them or anything, i’m not targeting anyone here !! i still love you all    &&    want to write with you all, i just don’t think i can do it in this fandom. 

that being said, if you are a    DANGANRONPA    fan ; you can catch me over at one of my 3 danganronpa blogs ; 

@hominux | @upbieats | @brawliis

&&    i also have a    TOTAL DRAMA    blog that i might try to revive as well ;

@apathetiics 

if you’re into cosplay, i’m also on instagram @ velvateena ( click for link ! )

&&    of course, catch me on discord : Velvateena#9901

@skeletiis His silence is almost deafening, hanging heavily in the air as the viper awaits a response, any hint to reveal that this truly is the man they watched walk away. The one that never came home, the one they deemed dead. Those eyes are unmistakable, no matter how drawn they are. In vivid contrast, the viper looks as if they have reversed in age. Their skin softer, a purer pale rather than the sickly look they donned mid decay of a failed host. Their features are gentler, their eyes alert.  The cloak drawn around their thin form is once more pulled toward them, trying to block out the awful weather that surrounds the two. It is becoming more and more clear that the man is not going to answer, and the viper wonders whether or not he had heard about their supposed death. They are very much alive now however, immortal at that, looking four decades younger than a sixty year old should. And no longer is it a mask, no longer is it through the means of snatching younger bodies. They have found their cure to aging. It would seem between them, they were the only one who had found their cure. “You don’t look well,” they state, still never one to spare anothers feelings. But they do not say this in judgement, they say this because the man looks like he may topple over. And given how light the viper is, they are hardly imposing enough to be a good reason to lose balance.

They briefly consider simply running off, abandoning the last fragment of the past. They do not like remembering what was, have a hard time swallowing most memories. Seeing such a familiar pair of eyes… it is haunting, to say the least. Yet also nostalgic. One of the few shinobi who had actually carried his loyalty to his grave, or so the viper had thought. “I don’t understand, your illness was terminal.”

【 ⚫ 𝑘𝑖𝑚𝑖𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑜. ⚫ 】 ———-

❝ orochimaru-sama ... ❞

the words finally leave his lips ;    &&    he has to believe that it was truly them. their appearance had hardly changed ---------- or perhaps changed for the    better.    when kimimaro’s capable of keeping a straight posture, he’s taller than them now. he’s spent so much time looking for them, it takes him a few extra moments to really    register    that he actually, truly found them. 

&&    he’s so certain that they would be willing to allow him    back in their life.

❝ just as i have said before, my liege ... i refuse to    die    unless i have fulfilled my purpose in life. the purpose    you    have given me. ❞

those words seem so    confident,    even behind tired eyes that prove that he was not only declining in health, but also that he had spent quite a bit of time moving in one session ---------- something that used to be so    simple.    he’s very aware that he may not be as useful to orochimaru by any means anymore ;    he wasn’t for a long time.    but, there must be something, anything he can do. after all, orochimaru held kimimaro in a    special place    in their heart, right ?

                    r i g h t ... ?

【 ⚫ 𝑘𝑖𝑚𝑖𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑜. ⚫ 】 ———-

he's getting really    tired    of living like this ; but there wasn’t much else he could do.

whatever illness affecting his body had baffled every doctor he’s seen in japan. so when the proposed the idea of sending him    oversees    in a medical helicopter just to see if the medical technology in america could help solve the problem ---------- kimimaro quite literally had    nothing to lose    at this point. often seen wandering around hallways of a combination hospital / rehabilitation center, disconnected from machines    &&    ivs    ( as he’s typically instructed    not    to ),    his eyes are quite soulless, leaning against a wall    &&    staring longingly out a ceiling-to-floor window of dirty glass at the night behind it.

    More than anything, when she sees him trying to move like that, she just wants to shove him back down.  She wants to do something like physically restrain him so he CAN’T GET UP.  That scares her, because it strikes her as something Kabuto or Orochimaru would do, and she doesn’t want to be like either of them.  She moves her hands and digs her fingers into her legs in an attempt to keep herself from doing anything like that.  All she wants is for him to relax ; he’s going to hurt himself.

          ❝  I … I don’t really … s-sort of – ?  I mean, t-they’re accessible,                   and there are still shinobi there, but …  ❞

   To be perfectly honest, Otogakure isn’t in the best state with someone like Hitomi trying to keep it all together.  Ever since Orochimaru’s death, she tried desperately to keep contact with the other hideouts, but … every time she’s gone to visit one, she finds that the people who should have been there aren’t.  Sasuke is gone.  Karin is gone.  Juugo is gone.  Suigetsu is gone.  The other Sound ninja talk to her, and yet, not even they know what’s happened, and Hitomi has no idea HOW TO FIX ANY OF IT.  There are no more experiments, so she set as many prisoners free as she could, but a lot of them have stayed simply because they have nowhere else to go.

   As far as his question, she’s pretty sure she knows what he’s getting at, and the answer isn’t pretty.

          ❝  … The Northern hideout … Kimimaro, I … Juugo isn’t there                   anymore.  ❞    God, how many more tears does she have left ?  How many times is she going to have to break Kimimaro’s heart ?

          ❝  As soon as I thought about checking on him, after I stopped                   crying over Orochimaru, I went there and I looked everywhere.                   Juugo’s not in any of the cells or rooms.  Then I went to the                   Eastern hideout, and … Suigetsu was missing from his tank,                   too.  Wasn’t anywhere else.  And so I went to the Southern                   hideout to see if Karin knew what happened, but … but she                   wasn’t there, and she isn’t anywhere else, either !  And –                   before Orochimaru died, there was this horrible fight in the                    Kusagakure hideout, and now we can’t even go back there.                    So much of it got destroyed, and the location was comprom-                    ised, and … and …  ❞

   Having Juugo, Suigetsu, and Karin outright disappear after Orochimaru’s death sent her into even more of a panic.  As soon as she realized they weren’t there anymore, she spiraled into a hard depression and felt more alone than ever.

   Despite three of the hideouts being technically operational, it still doesn’t feel right.  It still feels like the entire village and every place she knows of has crumbled along with her soul.  She has no idea how to run any of this.  She doesn’t want to experiment on any of the people who are left, and she’s certainly not about to send any of them on missions to do God-knows-what.

   Aside from making sure everyone has food and tending to any injuries, which they could all do themselves anyway … she hasn’t been able to do anything for anybody.

           ❝  I’m s o r r y … I-I honestly have no idea what happened …                    after Sasuke left … I mean, a lot of the other Sound shin-                    obi are still there, but … it’s like Juugo, Suigetsu, and Ka-                    rin just vanished into thin air … I don’t think they’re dead,                    but I don’t know where they are …  ❞

【 ⚫ 𝑘𝑖𝑚𝑖𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑜. ⚫ 】 ———-

❝    hitomi ----------    ❞ 

she’s speaking    way too fast    for him to follow. he’s missed a lot,    &&    needs her to backtrack everything. in order to get her words to halt for at least a moment, he leans forward toward her, placing both hands gently to each shoulder. those dull eyes of his look    directly    into her’s ; silently encouraging her to take a deep breath    ( instead of him, for once ),    &&    stop talking for a second.

from what she’s telling him, it sounds like juugo was alive --------------------    &&    honestly, that was the most important part of what he needed to hear. if he had    escaped,    while it would be more difficult to find him, it might be better. kimimaro’s biggest concern would be, however, if juugo had    lost control.    he was always so scared to go anywhere without kimimaro. but again, he doesn’t have the entire story just yet. suigetsu ? karin ? he honestly couldn’t care    less    about their happenings. the uchiha, however ... that information might be useful for the original purpose. 

❝ i don’t understand what you’re saying, hitomi. i need you to start from the    beginning.    this is    incredibly    important for me to know. please tell me anything you might know about where juugo could be. ❞ 

he gives her shoulders a slight squeeze,    &&    you can tell from his eyes the    determination    that flowed through him. but, instead of being determined to find the people who essentially used him as a weapon his entire life, he was using that determination for    someone else    ---------- for besides them for the first time in his life. this could very well be his new purpose of staying alive    &&    fighting this illness. his voice falls to more of a whisper as he continues.

【 ⚫ 𝑘𝑖𝑚𝑖𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑜. ⚫ 】 ———-

my ; how    amusing    where familiar faces can be found. 

a run-down bar on the outskirts of some never-sleeping town wasn’t exactly a    scene    kimimaro was accustomed to ; but this was about how far his body would let him carry it at this hour at night.    &&    resting outside of it had the potential to create more    attention    than simply letting curiosity peek in the doors. 

he doesn’t remember his    name    ; only his face. another one of the test subjects that kimimaro held a higher status over -------------------- even though quite none of that mattered anymore. not now.    && perhaps not ever.    jade eyes just    s t a r e    from across the room, as if analyzing && storing the memory as he leans against a beam located near the building’s exit. 

    Even without the adrenaline running through her veins, her heart is still pounding against her ribcage.  How did things ever come to this ?  It was one thing when she started making friends and family out of all the Sound ninja.  When she started to feel like she belonged with them, like she belonged somewhere for once in her damn life.

   It was another thing entirely when the majority of them died, leaving her to wander in search of something to give her purpose again.  And now, it’s so beyond incomprehensible that one of her children is STILL ALIVE, that she watched him break down and wish for death, and that she’s still trying to save his life.

   The edges of her mind feel fuzzy, like she can’t focus, but she snaps back to awareness, out of her tortured reverie, when she sees him stirring.  Although she wants to reprimand him and place the mask back over his face, right now she doesn’t see much point.  If he’s speaking fine and isn’t gasping for air, clearly he can breathe, at least for the moment.  There’s no need to force it on him and make him more uncomfortable.

          ❝  THANK GOD,  ❞    are the first words out of her mouth.  She rubs her tears away and with her other hand strokes through his hair.  He’s awake.  Here, right here in this moment, he’s alive.  As long as he’s alive, there’s still hope.  God, why on Earth is he apologizing ?  What happened was scary, and she’s worried about him, but none of that is his fault.

          ❝  –  You didn’t do anything wrong, Kimimaro.  ❞    Her voice is soft and even, her fingers shaking as she keeps combing them through his hair.  The last thing either of them need is for her to completely lose her mind right now.           ❝  Even if you did, I forgive you.  And I’m … I’m sorry, too … oh,                   my sweet child … I didn’t want to hurt you … I just …  ❞    Tears trickle down her face again.           ❝  … You deserved to know … I was just … trying to do the right                   thing … so you didn’t run off and get hurt or … I-I’m so sorry …  ❞

【 ⚫ 𝑘𝑖𝑚𝑖𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑜. ⚫ 】 ———-

he probably shouldn’t -------------------- no, he    definitely    shouldn’t, but he props himself up on his elbows, taking an    excruciating    amount of time to sit up on the medical bed, but laying down was the last thing he wanted to do. he was laying around for two years ;    enough was enough.    but, he’ll at least give hitomi the benefit of not having him immediately try to stand up. 

he knows she means well. he knows all this ;    &&    he doesn’t want her to cry anymore. but also, something had crossed his mind in    unconsciousness    that he’d not thought of earlier ; most likely because of every truth that was being thrown at him all at once. throughout the time kimimaro wasn’t around, there must have been quite a bit going on,    &&    he needed to be updated. that way ... maybe he can easily plan out what he was going to do next. 

// ahh really ? thank you ! i didn’t think it was anything special tbh. all of my blogs have that little border with the character’s name in it ; i kind of use that was my little tag so people can tell that it’s vel writing that blog c:    ( catch me over at @brawliis    &&    @apathetiics ; they also have those borders ). 

i also like the subtext just bc my computer monitors are LARGE    &&    everything fits nicely without needing to scroll around. 

           ❝  Ah, okay.  Phew, I’m glad you’re only eight – if you were just a                    couple years older and still as tiny as you are right now, I’d                    be worried !  ❞

   Well, that’s good.  He’s still on the smaller side, but maybe he’s just a petite kid.  At any rate, if he’s not growing properly, that should improve once he starts being cared for better.  That thought makes her wonder exactly how well he was cared for before she found him.  When he said he was the only one left … did that mean his family ?  Did they take good care of him ?  Where are they, and what happened ?  Who the hell just leaves an eight-year-old out in the middle of NOWHERE to fend for himself ?

          ❝  So ; you were looking at the flowers out there, huh ?  Do                   you like flowers ?  ❞

【 ⚫ 𝑘𝑖𝑚𝑖𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑜. ⚫ 】 ———-

he keeps his arms close to his    chest ;    he’s not used to being carried like this, so he doesn’t really know what to    do    with them. but, when she brings up flowers, another small smile plays itself on ivory features.