Psychotically Crazy

If you’re saying M’lady you should be wearing tights and a neck ruffle. If you’re wearing a fedora you should be saying like… see here and dame. Classy fedora dudes never said M’lady. Wtf.

This is going to be a shorter review, because this book had so many twists and turns in it, that I don’t want to give anything away. It really is amazingly weird. Major props to Dominic Piper for keeping us on our toes! 

It’s a typical, London, day for Daniel Beckett. He’s a private investigator who was hired by a millionaire, Nathan Raleigh. Daniel comes in for his briefing and introduction. Suddenly, Daniel is taken back by Raleigh’s secretary; Anjukka.

“She’s mid-twenties; about five foot eight in four-inch heels with a knockout, pneumatic figure trapped in an expensive black suit that seems designed to show off those inescapable curves. The skirt is maybe six inches below her knees with a twelve inch split up the left hand side. She’s wearing a white cotton blouse under the jacket with a blue bead necklace around a perfect, porcelain white neck. I inhale from her cloud of L’air du Temps and momentarily forget where I am or what I’m doing.”

Shortly after flirting with Anjukka, Daniel meets Raleigh and his assistant/bodyguard Fisher. Raleigh’s daughter, Viola, whose been missing for 2 years and the police don’t seem to care. However, 3 weeks ago, somebody else reported her missing. Sadly, Viola is a heroine addict and a prostitute. Her father is worried about her due to no contact. So he pays Daniel to find her, then will add a big bonus to bring her home. A grieving father looking for his only daughter who’s out of control. It all seems legit and convincing.. however Daniel was very wrong.

Along his adventure in tracking down people, who might know what happen to Viola, we meet a lot of gorgeous women. Daniel womanizes them to get information. Yes.. even sleeps with them. It works in his favor as he follows lead after lead to these two nasty scumbags named Novak and Jeremy.

“But you’ve got ways of making your female clients pay off their debt and maintain their habit,’ I say. Viola had to be put through a vigorous training regime. The most vigorous there was. She had to be trained to show enthusiasm. She had to be trained in many different arts and skills. She was an amateur and it was my task to turn her into a professional! ‘First of all, they have to understand that they can never turn down a client. They have to deal with men who they may personally find utterly repugnant. So with that in mind, my first act was to give her to Jeremy here for a week. Jeremy, as you can see, is a revolting, fat, brutish specimen with appalling personal hygiene and a stupid, boorish personality. He’s a malodorous thug with the IQ of a lizard and that is an insult to lizards. He hates all women and is prone to inflicting callous, ferocious and savage violence against them. He is a degenerate slime bucket of the first order.”

Jeremy even had her lick nasty toilet bowl to clean it. Everything else you can imagine, he had Viola do it. This grotesque went far past bdsm and bondage. After they are done with Viola, they sale her and throw her out like a piece of trash. (I will just leave this here and let ya read what disturbing pimps and perverts they are.) This isn’t Daniel’s last lead, nor his hardest. Raleigh hires professional espionage’s to tail Daniel.  They wanted to track his every move, however this just pissed him off even more. We meet many other characters in this book. My favorite is Sakura Bianchi. She add so much to this book, that I loved to see her in a stand alone book. I don’t want to give to much away, but she is a fierce “Madame” with a 5th degree black belt. Yet she is sweet and sensitive at the same time. In all honesty, I really think that Daniel should’ve forgotten about Anjukka and just married Sakura, but there was a clause. She had saved his life and even beat the crap out of him. No matter what, Sakura had Daniel’s back (vice versa). I think she is the main female heroin. Up until the very end, they made a great duo. I did have a couple problems while reading this book:

♣ I don’t like how Daniel fucked women for information. Yes, he had a nice body and we are always reminded of this. This was a general occurrence, but I was surprised when he didn’t fuck Louisa Gavreau. I think it was because, she found out information about Rosabel’s portrait.

♣ I did not like Anjukka. It always seemed she was playing Daniel. Also, I am still pretty sure she was in all the whole scheme, but played damsel in distress. It felt she wasn’t even real, like a one dimensional charterer. When there is a strong protagonist, like Daniel, and when you put her beside him; she seems undeveloped and a second thought.

That aside, this was a great book. With the brutality in the story, it actually helps the flow of details with the progression of the plot! Most authors never think to do that, and I love it. Thank ya so much Piper! This also had a vintage Pulp Fiction feel to it. With that and the narration, it leaves ya guessing on what happens next. There is so many twist and turns that one can not possible see coming. Some can guess, like I did with Raleigh, but they don’t know where they are truly heading. 

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I was asked to read and review “Death Checks Inn” For a smaller book, this was something!  :) (NOTE: this is a short review. I don’t want to ruin it for someone who wants to read this book. Thanks! )

Lacey Washburn is gearing up for her grand opening of the Aspen Valley Inn. They day before the big opening; Lacey and her sister, Charlotte, meets Wyatt Graves. He is a new sheriff for Peak County. Wyatt likes to visit each site and explore the place, before approving any kind of license(s). Pleased with the Inn and Lacey, Wyatt takes leave and wishes her luck. 

“The day she had waited for was finally here. Lacey Washburn as proud proprietress was happy to be hosting the Aspen Valley Inn’s official grand opening. She was so excited she couldn’t stand to set still. She wandered around checking all the last-minute details. She was so nervous she began to question every decision. Maybe she should have hired some extra help. No, she and Charlotte needed to handle everything themselves. They would be mostly unpaid and overworked until business and profits allowed for additional employees. They needed to keep the overhead as low as possible. Besides, she knew Charlotte would work as hard as she did to make this venture successful.” 

With the celebration over and guests settled in. Lacey turns in for the night. She was exhausted and very happy with the turn out. It seem like only seconds when she was awoken by screams. A man was murdered.

“[Lacey] shook her head as she tried to clear her muddled brain and hurried to the bottom of the stairs. She leaned over the body and struggled to turn him over. As she started into the sightless eyes, she knew he was dead. She checked for pulse and finding none, confirmed he was indeed dead. As she pulled her hand away, she stifled a gasp as she noticed that her hand was stained with blood. Sticking out of the victim’s chest was an antique railroad spike.”

Wyatt rushes though the door and he lightly strokes Lacey’s back and tries to calm her by saying, ‘I’ll get to the bottom of this. I will make sure you are safe. I promise.” She look into his eyes and nodded. For some reason she had no doubt that he would keep that promise. I liked this book, but it had some flaws..

Wyatt’s love for Lacey comes outta no where. Love at first site, I reckon? He’s a new sheriff and he never meet Lacey before. It’s just creepy and awkward for the readers. 

I felt that over half of the book was spent talking about the workings of the hotel, how “near” perfect the hotel is, how many things you can do in Aspen, and even how many chocolates you get on your pillow in the hotel. Not enough? Sure, there is more ramblings about other things. 

The point of view on the story was changing constantly, without any indication. I found this confusing especially when the story is jumping from one person’s thoughts to another one’s. 

After reading Littleville Uprising, I was left wanting more!! So when the second book came out, I got it and didn’t expect what was soon to happen :)  (This is shorter because I can’t give to much away, if ya want to read this great book)

When Cassie moved from Ohio to New York, she was sure that she’d make it as an actress. 8 years later, she is still just a waitress and doing random auditions. One night she left work early, and thought Paulie finally fired her. Her audition went horrible. She missed her bus and had to pay for a cab. It was raining by the time she got to her boyfriend’s apartment. However, Royce was cheating on her.  Cassie was left to wonder around the raining streets of New York, completely lost. A police car came to her rescue and took her home. 

“The squad car pulled over in front of her apartment building and Cassie gushed with gratitude. The officers insisted it was just part of the job so Cassie waved as they pulled away. She took one look at the door and sighed. She needed another way. With my luck, Samir will be waiting right inside to badger me for rent. Thanks to the cab ride, I don’t even have any cash to hand over. After the day she’d had Cassie didn’t want to add eviction to her mini woes. She slipped around back and opted to use the fire escape.”

Ryan McCallistar was in the process of moving his box spring into his new apartment, when Cassie came up. Cassie gave him a hand, and suddenly the landlord, Samir, went to knock on Cassie’s door. Cassie stayed in Ryan’s apartment until the coast was clear.  However, Samir camped out in front of her door. Meanwhile, Ryan and Cassie got to know each other and had a few drinks. Hours later, Ryan knew that Samir already left; but he wanted Cassie to stay. So he lied to her and she spent the night at his place.  Ryan has gone through a rough divorce and Cassie had a very painful breakup and supposed job loss. The next day while trying to raise money for Cassie's rent, they start seeing odd attacks happening around the city.  Ryan vows to keep Cassie safe no matter what. 

“Cassie explained that Beckett’s hired walk-ins to hand out fliers for local businesses. If you get there early enough, you could pick better locations. We season recruits know the best places are the subway stations, near bus stops or in the park . What’s wrong? Cassie asked noticing the worried look on Ryan’s face. I can’t exactly be seen handing out flyers when I’m supposed to be following up on the Fanning situation, he admitted. Too bad I don’t have a disguise. Her toothy smile stretched until laugh lines cracked in the corner of her eyes. Before he knew it, Ryan had been stuffed into a giant taco suit with a mask that look like a dollop of sour cream. Laden with a sack full of fliers for New Mexican restaurant, he followed Cassie out to the sidewalk. This is humiliating, Ryan grumble.” 

This book was really good, but I did have a couple issues with it.

For starters, I don’t like Ryan. He just meet Cassie and decided to lie to her about Samir not leaving. He got her drunk and she ends up waking up in his bed. Ryan claims that nothing happen between them last night, but he couldn’t explain why her pants where off. I am just gonna be blunt. Ryan is a pussy. He really reminded me of Captain America in the Avengers. Captain America didn’t really fight the battles, but offered moral support or block things with his shield. Ryan didn’t really get involved with some of fighting. He was more of a support and protector of Cassie. Also, Ryan didn’t care about his family during the apocalypse. That made me not like him even more. Regardless how “bad” your relationship with your family is.. YOU don’t LEAVE them. Especially, during an apocalypse. 

Cassie is a moron at times. She does random things without reason. I wanna to slug her a couple times. We all saw it coming, but not Cassie. I got a good laugh outta those times she did something stupid.  Ryan and Cassie’s  “chemistry” is not believable. Ryan seems kinda like a prop for Cassie. 

For a sequel to Littleville, this book could stand alone. That kinda made me sad. It only intertwined Littleville twice. Also, there were soo many people thought this book. It was hard to keep up who was who and where they where.

All in all, this was a great book! I love S.G. and I can’t wait for the next book to come out! :) With lots of mystery and suspense, it keeps ya not wanting to put the book down. PLEASE GO OUT AND PURCHASE THIS BOOK! YOU WON’T REGRET IT!! 

I was asked to read Buried in Benidorm, and for a murder mystery kind of book; I went for it!

A while back someone requested this book. I already had a long reading list, so I am sorry this took a bit longer than I assumed. I have read many Stephen King books, so I automatically thought I would love it. Ohhh how wrong I was..

We are taken back to an Arthurian kingdom. Stephen tells us of how strong a sibling rivalry can quickly devastated the kingdom of Delain.  We have King Roland, Queen Sasha, their two sons, Peter and Thomas. King Roland always had, his magician and advisory, Flagg by his side. However, Flagg is plotting to destroy Delain.

“Most bad people are more like dogs than devils. Dogs are friendly but stupid, and that’s the way most men and women are when they’re drunk. When dogs are excited and confused, they may bite; when men are excited and confused, they might fight. Dogs can be brave, but they may also be cowards that will howl in the dark or just run away from danger with their tails between their legs. A dog is just as eager to lick the hand of a bad master as he is to lick the hand of a good one, because dogs don’t know the difference between good and bad. A dog will eat slop, vomit up the part of his stomach can’t stand, and then go back for more. Do you understand these things, Peter?  Peter nodded. “Fine! Now, tell me.” She leaned toward him, “Does a dog use a napkin?”  Humbled and ashamed, Peter looked down at the counterpane and shook his head. “Don’t cry over an unused napkin my love, for that was  not my intention” said Sasha” 

Young Peter never saw or talked to his mom again, as she died giving birth to Thomas. Secretly, Flagg was stalking Roland’s growing sons and determined that Thomas should be crowned King instead of his older brother Peter.  Tom is the spitting image of his father down to his gross personality; while Peter is handsome, bright, and he has a strong will. This is what Flagg fears the most. 

There is a secret passage, in the wall of Roland’s apartment. Where Flagg saw Roland’s quarters though the eyes of the dragon. (King Roland had slain a dragon; whose head was kept as a trophy on his wall.) Flagg even shown Tom this passage and he was awe struck by spying on his father. When Peter was about to be crowned King. Flagg came up with the perfect scheme; or so he thought. Every night Peter brings his father wine. He knew Peter would be blamed for poisoning his father. One night after Peter left, Flagg came and offered more wine. In which he put Dragon’s Sand in. Roland being the drunken slob he was, drank it up. Flagg’s next move was to place a small poisoned mouse in Peter’s long lost box along with a bit of the Dragon Sand. He then hide this box in Peter’s room for his servants to find. Flagg thought Thomas shall be King while Peter rots in prison. What Flagg didn’t know was that Tom saw the whole thing, from the eyes of the dragon. Flagg killed his father…. 

“Roland complained of indigestion. He belched. It was long, arid, rattling sound. The Convivial crowd in the ballroom fell silent with wonder and apprehension as the king doubled over. When Roland straightened up, a gasp ran through those present. The King’s cheeks were aflame with color. Smoking tears ran from his eyes. More smoke drifted from his mouth. It was Peter they all saw going to the doomed man, and this did not displease Flagg at all. Roland clutched his stomach with one hand and his chest with the other. Smoke suddenly poured out of his mouth in a gray- white plume. It was as if the King had learned some amazing new way of telling the story with great exploit. But it was no trick, and there was screams as smoke poured not only from his mouth, from his nostrils, ears, in the corner of his eyes. His throat was so red it was nearly purple. “DRAGON”. King Roland shrieked as he collapsed into his son’s arms. It was the last word he ever spoke.”

The major problems I had with this was:

Stephen King kept adding in his random comments though out the book. It was super annoying. It was like someone was reading us this book and making their comments. Also, the some of the material was repeated over and over again. With the unnecessary comments and having us recap what we just read, it just made me emphatic to this book. 

Also, I had a hard time with this book being dedicated to his daughter, Naomi. She had to be a young child when this book was published in 1987. It’s just the whole content of Flagg making Roland sex potions (something like Viagra today) and talking about his junk to his new wife Sasha, (who was many years younger than Roland was). Heck, Sasha didn’t even know what to do, so Roland showed her. I always knew Stephen King had a sick twisted humor, but in this book? Alrighty than XD

Given the first few pages pulled me in, but Stephen King switches styles and writes it in a faerie-tale style narrative voice.. it just fails horribly. We are given a solid back story and some of it is intriguing. But once we actually got to the main story, the plot and theme disappears.  I honestly didn’t see any fantasy aspects as this was more family drama with political crisis.