are you ever so depressed that it wakes you up from sleep . like my mind couldn’t even wait til morning for the self hatred
my therapist was having me do like affirmations the other day and did some EMDR therapy which is something i’ve done in the past but not in a long long time and for some reason it really really affected me and i’ve been down in the dumps for a couple days about it
i feel so silly saying this but i literally could not handle thinking ‘i am good enough.’ like i don’t even want to type it out because it feels like such a bold faced lie. ‘i am acceptable.’ like i want to laugh and turn my nose up at that i am so resistant to it
it made me realize that i Genuinely have so much more contempt for myself than i really realized. i used to straight up hate myself in a very straightforward way but now it’s pretty complex. i feel like ive been lying to myself about loving myself. i never really did
i think about my birthday last year and all the love that was showered down on me and i feel like i don’t deserve that . like i think im a bad person ive done bad things ive really really hurt people and i feel irredeemable
and i know feelings can be different from the truth but how could this core tenant of my life be untrue?
i’ve been thinking about cutting again, i haven’t in probably 9 months to a year, but it’s been on my mind recently . just feels like i deserve it





















