It’s 12:00 AM and no one may ever see this but, I kinda just left my tumblr on a high note a while back. Like, a long while back.
I know some of you I’ve been able to stay in touch with, some not, and that’s okay. Life and all that.
My last few posts here were a bit of a lasting public diary of the anguish of my depression followed by my healing from it. For anyone struggling with their own journey I’m here again to tell you that seeking help/medication/whatever was and has been the best choice I’ve ever made in my life. Ever, no questions asked.
In the last year since beginning my medication I realized my immense love of history and enrolled in school again (community college at first, but I’ll be transferring to uni in spring ‘21!). Before, I tried to get through school but I couldn’t bear it. I would sign up for classes and drop them in the first week. Now? 4.0 GPA while taking 5-6 classes a semester and working full time. I wanted to kill myself before. I could barely stand to get out of bed. I can’t stress the difference in motivation enough. While medication is NOT for everyone, it was a chance I wanted to take and it truly changed my life. I volunteer for multiple programs now, I got trained in Japanese garden history/art/etc. and work as a docent for a garden as well.
While in my last post I didn’t know where my newfound happiness would take me (about a year ago), as of today I do. I work hard every day for the future. I am thankful to be alive. So thankful. Please never give in to the demons in your head. What I’m saying may sound like a fantasy you could never live. You might feel like you are experiencing the only reality you’ll ever have and trust me dear god I felt the same. Every minute of every day I felt the crushing sadness, numbness, despair of it. But not anymore. Not for a single day in the last year or so.
Seek help. It will be worth it. If even just a little.
I don’t see myself posting here again in the near future, but I’ll always leave my tumblr here. Maybe check it every now and then. But I felt I should at least update on the healing. And encourage you to seek your own, if you need it.
My twitter is @teal_xo if you so desire to continue following there, where I’m actually active.
And to all of you who I connected with on here, you’ll be in my heart. Always.












