Do people actually read my blog?

I keep thinking about this message.

First of all, complete bullshit. You don't throw a nuke at people you love like this.

Second of all, I love my cat. I love him a lot more than I love myself or any of you.

But if he was in pain, if he was suffering and there was nothing I could do for him, I would have him euthanized.

So, I have never wanted to jump out of a window more.

Thanks fam, you really did me a solid.

Thank you! This is the kind of positivity we need! Someone actually believes I can do it!

I own my own apartment

I have more money than all of my friends combined without any side husstle

I published a book recently that I actually liked

I got my PhD recently and might become an assistant professor by the end of the year.

I have a job where students like me so much they made me little toy cows last week.

I am active, talk to my family, go to work, drink water, don't drink alcohol, don't do drugs. As a matter of fact, I dare you to find anything but my proscribed antidepressants and vitamins in my house.

My house is reasonably clean and I owe it.

I have a cat who loves me and who I love.

I'm a novelist and this is all just a prep for a character.

I have cuts on my body now. A strangely positive feeling. I can actually do it. I'm not that much of a coward.

I'm applying to be an organ donor today, because I lost my card (I am that useless!). More picking and stabbed until I get my will in order.

Going to meet my sister and her family now, but not before I make little trip to flee market and hope tor the best.

I could contact a drug dealer but I don't know any or go to east Sarajevo, but I can't be brothered to go to alta to buy a t-shirt which I have needed for months so that's out of the question.

Yeah, no, I don't deserve to get better because it will just get worse for me and for everyone else in my life.